Hawaii/Camp/More 8-4-13
It’s been a long time since I wrote. Before leaving for Hawaii I had to go
out to school in the 1st of July. While there the office manager and I had along visit. Wow, I didn’t know about her
brother. A few years ago maybe 5
5to 10 her brother was diagnosed with brain cancer. They had no time to digest this news as he was only given a
few weeks. In his early 40’s I
believe and facing the end of his life.
It was news the family just couldn’t believe. He did pass away in 3 weeks. I couldn’t imagine having something like this happen so
quickly. With Kathryn we were
given 3 to 6 months and after a week we found some hope. Unfortunately it didn’t work fast
enough. But we were given at least
a bit of time. Even from the first
diagnoses of April 17th 2010 we were told that it was not good and
it was confirmed on the 27th of that month after surgery. We knew we were facing death right in
the face. But we had time to seek
help and give Kathryn more joy as she continued to live life to the fullest.
On the 2nd of July I saw the PA about my hip
surgery. She changed from no to
yes on most of the things I could now do.
I was given permission to go in the calm waters of Hawaii and to stroll
along the beach. I also went to
Walgreens that day and found the perfect wine glass that had “Simple Things” as
I wrote about enjoying the simple things in life. And as I left the store I found a penny but I said, “Kathryn
this is so grimy and gross I don’t think I will pick it up.” So the next day I found another
penny. Unbelievable!
The fourth of July was busy as we headed to the cabin to
clean for renters. We tried to
make it to our friends in old town but it got so late we just stayed home. We do a big firework show in our neighborhood
and that was great. Scott use to
buy Kathryn that child’s pack of safe and sane fireworks. You know the one with the tank, some
sparklers, and the chicken that shoots sparks, the fountains and snakes. She loved it!
We left for Hawaii on July 6th. Scott, Richard, Bee, my Mom and I. I got all of the photos in the album
except one set before we left. Now
for the new ones. We were picked
up by Kris (Scott’s youngest brother’s wife) at the airport. She had bought food for us for the
morning so we wouldn’t have to go shopping. Grandma June would always greet us with cold drinks and
flowers for our hair. We have a
very thoughtful family.
Our first day there was Sunday and we had to go to the
Outrigger Canoe Club (OCC) for brunch.
They have a fabulous brunch that we would enjoy with Scott’s Mom
(June). Kathryn loved to go to
brunch at the OCC. It was a great
way to start off the vacation.
Richard did mention that our place was nice but it was so
different without staying at Grandma June’s house. We would have breakfast and coffee on the porch every
morning. We would jump in the pool
whenever we felt like it. We would
forever be in our suits. A short
walk and we could enjoy the beach with calm waters. It was different without Grandma and different without
Kathryn. Times change as life goes
on. I know Richard really felt the
changes for him to mention it. He
is extremely sentimental. After
all he chased after our boat when he was 4 or 5 years old as the new owner
drove away with it.
Honolulu is where Scott grew up. We stayed in his Aunt and Uncle’s condo at the bottom of
Diamondhead. This is the place he
really called home because he surfed there at Tongs. I met some people who knew him and there was a gathering at
a local park in his honor. That
was great that they pulled this little gathering together for him.
We did so many things but the one that brought me to tears
was snorkeling at Hunauma Bay. My
Mom and I snorkeled together and viewed a ton of fish. Richard and Bee were snorkeling buds
and helped us find the easiest way into the water. As we left for the day I started to tear up as I remembered
Kathryn’s encouraging and caring voice the first time I ever snorkeled. That was on our trip to Mexico in
2009. I was always afraid to snorkel
and the mask freaked me out. But
she encouraged me and watched me very closely as did Scott and Richard.
One day Mom and I were out in the water in front of the
condo swimming and we met this lady.
We were all just enjoying the sun and warm water. As we talked we realized that there was
a connection. The night before we
left Bee’s Mom had a book-signing event at her bookstore “The Secret
Garden.” This lady was there. It was her brother in law, Dana
Sullivan who was the author doing the book signing.
Another place that really made me think of times past was
the trip to the Salt Water Pool.
It is a huge concrete pool builds into the side of the hill along Black
Point. It is in a private
community and you need to know someone to get in. June’s long time friend Diane let us in. She is the caretaker for the family who
started IGA. She was alone in the
house as the man had passed away a while ago and the Mrs. was in the hospital
for pancreatic cancer. She passed
just a few days later. Anyhow, the
last time we were there Kathryn was strong and healthy. Well she appeared that way. It was January 2011 and she had been
received 35 rounds of radiation and was now on three types of drugs (two chemo’s)
to fight her cancer. She still
looked great! I have fabulous
pictures from the salt-water pool from that trip.
Honolulu was great and we did so many things there in just a
week.
Maui was our second stop. That night we arrived we ventured off to Scott’s friend
Russell’s 60th birthday party.
Russell is the one with Parkinson’s. There were still a lot of people there when we arrived at
8:30. It started at 4:00. Russell seemed to enjoy himself. We also saw Scott’s older brother Bruce
at the party and made plans to spend some time with him. The next day we went to Bruce’s house
and then had him over for Bar-B-Que.
We spent a great deal of our time with Scott’s older brother
Bruce. I gave Bruce two pictures
from our trip over there in January of 2011. We went for his Mom’s funeral at that time. He had made Kathryn a hat out of palm
fronds. I had a picture of him
with Kathryn and one with Kathryn wearing her hat. He was very grateful.
He truly loved her. Bruce
bought property in the country along the Hanna Highway. His property is filled with plants that
bear fruit. It was amazing. Richard enjoyed learning about all of
the plants. Bruce gave him some
starts to bring home. I think
everything he was given made it through customs. We again spent time with Bruce as we all went to one of Scott’s
high school friend’s house. Her
husband raises orchids. It was fun
to learn about the orchids and see all of the different varieties.
Richard and I went snorkeling out in front of our
condo. We saw tons of fish and
beautiful coral. He and Bee went
later and saw 3 turtles.
One day by the pool Scott and I were talking to two
men. The one had just lost his Dad
in April. The other was staying in
his Dad’s condo and was going to spread his Dad’s ashes the next day out in the
ocean. We all thought it was quite
something that we should all have lost someone so significant in our lives so
recently. We talked about our
losses and some how I think we all felt better after our chat.
The day before we left Bruce came over and took Richard
spear fishing but the waves were too and water too murky to see well. Richard and Bee did some last day
snorkeling. I didn’t go out, as I
feared the waves were too big for my new hip.
It was a fabulous trip and we had now worries as our house
and animals were well taken care of by our niece Janice. However, when I went to get Scott a
glass of ice water the ice machine didn’t work. Something in the freezer had gone out and then I noticed
that some of the boards in the hardwood were turned up a bit. Oh my! Threw out a lot of food too. It must have only been out a day or so because many items
were still cool. At 11:00 pm that
is not what you want to deal with.
So the next day the 19th Richard, Bee and I all
headed to Camp to volunteer at Camp Goodtimes. It is a week long camp for kids with cancer and they get to
take one sibling. It is free for
the families. Poor Scott had to
stay home and deal with the freezer and go up to the cabin to take care of a
few things before our next renters came in.
This was the first time I would spend an entire week at camp
as a full time volunteer. Last
year I popped in to help in arts and crafts just about every day. I helped with set up, registration, and
clean up too. But this time I went
through staff training and the works.
I’m really glad I did.
Volunteers arrive on Friday afternoon and Campers arrive on
Sunday at 2:00pm. During our
orientation I had a little brake down as we had to explain our connection to
camp. Sometimes I do just fine and
other times I fall apart. This was
the latter of the two. We had a
memory circle and I didn’t say anything.
They were mainly remembering a boy who had past in the last year. I’m sure people were waiting for me to
say something but I didn’t want to start crying again. I did write on a memory flag that hangs
in the main part of camp by Grandpa Fred’s Heart.
On Sunday when the campers arrived I helped with the water
shoes. The Durham family put
together a mess bag-pack with a card and panda pin and a pair of water shoes
for each child. This was all in
honor of Kathryn. The card had one
of her drawings as the cover and several pictures of her in it. It told her story and how this project
was done in her memory.
One of the nights the campers set Dream Boats sailing. Each cabin wrote their hopes and dreams
on the sail of their boat and in the evening the boats lit with candles were
set sailing. I quickly read a
few. Several had written notes to
Panda (Kathryn) and so many were notes for their sibling’s health.
During the course of camp I was called Panda twice, which I
consider an honor. I was also told
about some girls who didn’t want to make lannies because it wasn’t the same
because Panda wasn’t here. But
then I also heard that one said we should make lannies in her honor. One of the middle age girl cabins were given beanie baby
bears from one of the boy cabins.
One of the girls received a panda and she told me she named it Kathryn. I gave her a hug and thanked her.
One night a young man came up to me and told me how he
admired my family and me. This was
his first year at camp and he was a fantastic volunteer. He told me that Panda was so well liked
and people still talk so highly of her.
He said he was amazed at how we handled her death and how inspirational she
and we are to him. He said that he
didn’t even know her but she inspires him to do good. We both were crying and hugging. It was such a touching moment. I appreciated hearing every word he shared with me.
Camp is an amazing place. Cancer is put on the back burner and fun and laughter
rises. What I really noticed is
how the kids care for each other. Another
camper or counselor always helps the ones who are visually impaired. The kids really take care of each
other. It is such a lesson in
compassion and understanding.
A friend of ours came out to see camp. He is interested as the ACS has dropped
its support of camp and will be funding more in the lines of research. That means that camp will only exist
with the funds that we raise as a group who love camp so much and know the
impact it has on the lives of campers, families and staff. Bee and I showed him and Scott
around. He will be having a track
day that will donate funds to camp.
The final night at camp gave me the biggest blessing of
all. After the dance and slide
show Richard came up to me and gave me a big hug and kiss and said, “I Love You
Mom.” It ended the evening in the
very best way.
The next day the campers went home and the staff finished
packing up camp. Richard
complemented me on doing a great job at camp. I was glad to hear him say this to me. It means a lot. The day ends with a circle in the main
hall. Everyone does shout
outs. It is great to hear how each
person is recognized for their efforts.
I wanted to do a shout out for the sib shop that Richard and Bee put
together but I didn’t think it was my place to do so. Richard thanked everyone for their support of the sib shop
and he became very choked up. It
means so much to him and Bee. The
two of them have really put their hearts into this and it shows. They had another great response and
made unique connections with kids.
Then it was finally decided that the staff party would be at
our house. Everyone else went out
for pizza as Richard, Bee and I headed to the house to set up. Scott had the house clean and things
looking good. The party started
around 9 or 10pm. Scott had called
all of the neighbors that may be disturbed and they loved it. Even hearing us sing to “Love Shack” at
1 or 2 in the morning didn’t bother them.
I was sitting by the fire with a new staff member and she was saying how
close knit the staff family was and that she found it hard to weave her way
in. I told her I found it hard
too. She said, but you are Panda’s
Mom. I am Panda’s Mom but I am not
Panda. I had to work a little bit
during the week to feel like I belonged.
But I worked through those feelings and now I feel like I am one of the
family. I wasn’t going to mention
this but during the party Matt and Daffy and I were in Kathryn’s room. Matt mentioned how Kathryn loved
Christmas. There is one lonely
snowflake left in her window. I
told him to tell Daffy what she had told him about not keeping Christmas up all
year and how it had to come down to keep Christmas special. He started to cry as he had so many
special memories of her. So many
good and happy memories in her room.
I tired to comfort him and remind him that Kathryn would want him to be
happy. She always wanted every one
around her to be happy and to love life as she did.
After the staff party I had cleaning to do. Thank goodness Scott had done a bunch
already and so did Richard and Bee and probably others. And then the depression set in. I spend one day just lying around and
feeling depressed. I hate this but
it was like I couldn’t move.
I think it was Tuesday (7/29) night I woke to the distinct
sound of one of our door handles moving.
It was like someone was opening a door or closing a door. I got up to see if Princess (Kathryn’s
dog) was up and scratching at a door handle. No, there she was sound a sleep in her basket under our
desk. I can only think it was
Kathryn. This is one of the
reasons I truly believe she is around.
Plus I think I would be more depressed if she wasn’t giving me strength
and encouragement.
Scott and I went to the cabin on Thursday and that broke
part of the depression. We hurried
home to go to the Rainier’s game on Friday night. It was an invite through an Electrical supply company. We had a good time.
Rebecca (Rowan’s Mom) had called on Friday. We chatted fro a long time. She said there is nothing we can say to
each other to comfort each other but we both know and understand each
other. It is so true. There is nothing that stops this pain
but knowing you have someone you can call on at any time that will understand
helps. She apologized once for
crying and I told her it was ok. I
reminded her I had told her she could call me and yell and scream if she needed
to. I would understand. I have yelled and screamed and told God
that I am pissed. I have begged
for Kathryn’s return. I have even
given God all of the reason’s he should return her and how we would make it all
work. How we would be able to
prove he exists through Kathryn’s return.
We do, say and think the unimaginable when we are desperate. I had been thinking very strongly about
Rebecca and Chuck that day and she called. I couldn’t believe it.
They are doing a little better and moving in a positive direction. They have plans for the future, which I
will share later. I didn’t ask
permission so I will hold it to myself.
But know that I am very happy and hopeful that the future turns out in
their favor.
My friend Robyn talked to me on Saturday. In our talk she said she just didn’t
know what to say (during Kathryn’s extreme illness) and she still doesn’t know
what to say. She didn’t want to
say something wrong and hurt me.
She’s there for us and I know she will always be there. She hurts too as Kathryn was a very
special person to her. It would be
stupid of me to ever think that Scott, Richard and I are the only ones who
grieve over the loss of Kathryn.
So many others miss her too.
She was very special.
August 2nd 2013 marked one and a half years since
Kathryn left us. I can’t believe
it has been that long. It seems
like yesterday she and I were in the whale pool in the front yard on a nice
sunny day like today.
Enjoy the sun!
No comments:
Post a Comment