Simple Things June 21st
Enjoying the simple things in life. This is Friday the 14th of
June and I just got my staples out from my hip surgery. Tomorrow I will be able to take a real
shower. One of those simple things
in life. I will shave my legs and
that will feel great. I remember
the smile and how happy Kathryn was to get home from the hospital and soak in a
real warm bath. I shaved her legs
and she was so happy as she rubbed her hand up and down her legs to feel the
smooth skin. I will never forget
that moment. It was a simple thing
but it made her so happy.
Friday night I also stopped by the Relay for Life of
Tacoma. My co-workers and friends
had 2 sites for that our kids from school. One site is for them to hang out in and the other is where
they sell Wired and Cascade Ice for fundraising. When I was doing it I let them take it over the Wired and
Cascade Ice site and now they are on their own. The kids love it and seem to have a good time. They also raise more money to help
support research for a cure. Kathryn was my partner in this when we started it back in
about 2007. We were the X-Passion
Team. I have several pictures of
her working the booth. We have
always enjoyed the Relay and it’s purpose. Maybe next year I will get more involved again. I also ran into some friends from the
past. They were parents of a young
girl (now 15) who was treated at Mary Bridge. They participated on the Mary Bridge Relay Team when I was
the captain. Their little girl
Riley helped us win the baton competition one year. I had made stuffed sea animals and each child from Mary
Bridge had decorated one. Our
theme was “No More Chemo” and it was tided with Finding Nemo. I made a fish and each one of the
scales had a name of one of the children being treated or formally treated at
Mary Bridge. Riley was so cute in
explaining that the scales represented her friends from Mary Bridge, some that
were still alive and some that had died.
I think she was all of 7 at the time. She did a beautiful job. Very heart-wrenching when it came from a small child. I was glad to see them and shared that
Kathryn had passed away. I think
they were shocked since the last time they saw Kathryn she was happy, healthy
and running around like a normal teenager. Hard to believe that drastic change happened. Again, simple things in life that go by
unappreciated by many.
We had some beautiful bags for Kathryn too. I also made one to honor several of the
children that have passed due to cancer.
My friend Keith (from work) made a darling bag too. He does such a nice job!
As I walk up the stairs in our house very carefully I think
about how Kathryn walked up them with such courage. She held the rail with both hands to help pull herself
up. She tried so hard to be strong
and to bring her strength back. I
too walked up the stairs in this same fashion my first few days after
surgery. But I will recover and
now almost do the stairs normally.
Kathryn would also practice walking taking the loop around
the house (entry-living room-dining room to kitchen and on to the family
room). I have done this same loop
hoping to get stronger just like Kathryn did. Practicing and keeping those muscles moving and strong. As I take my loop I think of Kathryn
working so hard to gain her strength and doing her best to gain back her
mobility. She did a great
job. She was mobile until we came
home from the hospital on Jan 19th. Walking is a simple gift. Being independent is a simple gift too. Don’t take either for granted. I remember my Dad telling me one time,
“You know it has been over a year since I have driven.” I know that was so hard for him to lose
that ability. So hard for an
independent person to become dependent on others for everything. Kathryn never complained about not
driving. She stopped driving in
the fall of 2011. About
October. I think she knew that her
leg didn’t work well enough to go from the gas to the brake to be safe. I’m in that situation right now
too. But I know that my leg will
return to normal and I will drive again.
Both Kathryn and my Dad had no guarentees. Such a simple gift to be able to drive. To have the independents to go where
you want when you want. It’s
frustrating not to have that independence. But I tell you Kathryn never complained. She only asked me to drive smooth and
slow after treatments.
I have a lot of numbness in my leg. It really bugs me. It and my knee being sore are the only
things keeping me form walking completely normal. I think about how that numbness bugs me I think once again
about Kathryn. Her face had become
numb feeling. The right side. I know it really bothered her but there
was nothing we could do for it. It
may have been the tumor or the steroids that stretched her little face. I don’t know what caused the numbness
but I do know I felt helpless to help her with this. I did my best to encourage her. Her doctor couldn’t do anything for it either. You know when you have nothing to fix
it what do you say? I’m once again
lucky to feel that my leg will return to normal. Well, there is a chance that it won’t but I believe it
will. Even if it doesn’t I can
deal with it.
So many similarities to Kathryn’s situation makes me believe
that I had this surgery for this very reason. God put me in this situation because he knows that I have
wondered how Kathryn felt. I
wondered how it was for her. I
know it has given me a new appreciation for how lucky I am to have so many
people care about me. Kathryn
wrote about how lucky she felt too.
She wrote that her tears were not about her disease or her but for the
love she felt from so many people who cared so deeply for her. Scott has been truly amazing. He is an excellent caregiver. He took good care of Kathryn and he is
taking great care of me. I have
now experienced some similar things as Kathryn did. Mine don’t really compare when you think of how she knew her
outcome was to be death and mine will be a full recovery and life. It’s just a little insight as to what
she was going through.
So Saturday the 15th came and I was not able to go
to Bellingham for Bee’s graduation.
I was bummed but Scott and my Mom went and filled me in. Richard also called throughout the day
to let me know what was going on.
I felt like I was there in a way.
I would have been miserable sitting in the car and then sitting at a
picnic table. Scott made sure I
was taken care of too. My friend
Robyn came over for the first hour and a half and then my friend Julynn came
over with her two daughters. They
brought salad fixings for dinner and I had a chicken dish that my sweet
neighbors had brought over. Julynn
and her daughters stayed until Scott got home. I really enjoyed the company.
So, I watched the Long Island Medium again and there was
another Mom who lost her son. This
time the son was leaving Mom the message to stop asking God why he took him and
not her. Wow, That would be
Kathryn too. I have asked that so
many times as I offered my life in trade for Kathryn’s over and over. He also said that he would not trade
his short life for 60 more years. He
loved his life as it was. He said
if his parents had known about his condition they would have not allowed him to
experience life the way he did. I
think Kathryn would feel the same way.
I don’t think she would have changed a thing in her life. Through cut short she had an amazing
life and she felt that way. She
knew her experience with cancer gave her a special appreciation for life and
those in her life. She knew cancer
shaped her and made her a better person.
I just wish she could have spread her lover farther and for longer in
this world.
A friend of mine stopped by the other day. Time has gone so quickly that I don’t
remember what day it was. Anyhow
back in 2005 or so she and her family moved into a home by the Narrows Bridge. It had a swimming pool in the back yard
that needed to be redone. They had
friends help by decorating tiles for the tope edge of the pool. It was such a great idea. Over the past 8 years the tiles have
broken and cracked. They are
redoing their pool again this summer.
She stopped by to bring us the tile Kathryn had created for their
pool. She said it was the only
tile that wasn’t broken or cracked.
There is one single little chip off of the corner. So funny how Kathryn’s tile would be
the only surviving tile. This
family has been so supportive of Kathryn and our family since the very first
day Kathryn was diagnosed back in 1999.
They are amazing people. I
really appreciate her bringing by the tile for me to treasure forever. Just a simple little thing that means
so very much!
So today (June 19th) I thought I would try to
tackle pictures. Pictures that
need to be placed in the photo album.
They are all organized and ready to go but this is a difficult task. These are the last pictures and memories
of Kathryn that I will be looking at.
It’s now noon and I have only looked through the box. I’m having a hard time with this one. I will get it done. If not today maybe tomorrow. It’s starting that is difficult. So so so hard! Simple things – pictures to place in a
book. Not so simple this time.
Yesterday was a tough day trying to get through
pictures. Wow! So, today I am going to try again with
a new direction so I can do it.
Hopefully it will be easier.
I want to get to a certain point so I don’t feel so over whelmed. I did ok. Better than the day before but still not even close to
getting done. I found files of
pictures I have been looking for and that made me happy. I tried to print a picture for Rowan’s
Mom and Dad but I was unsuccessful.
It just wouldn’t turn out right.
So I will get it printed at a regular print shop.
Today is June 21st. I have been able to walk all week without my cane. I use if I going outside or up the
stairs but just around the house I’m ok.
I actually forget it here and there. I also heard from Rebecca (Rowan’s Mom). It has only been a little over a month
since Rowan passed away. I’m was
so happy to hear from her. I hope
they can get back to life sooner than I did. It is terrible laying around crying and feeling that pain of
loss. It is so fresh for them
right now.
Today my goal is to get pictures ordered and get some in the
album. I will do it! I’m also going out to camp to see
people and help set up the arts and crafts. We will see how often I get out there. I bought a 10 day ferry pass. I used 10 days between the two camps
last year. I hope to actually stay
out there for the second week of camp.
We will see how I feel by then.
Richard and Bee are running a special session for the siblings. They are only allowing siblings to run
the sessions as well. A lady who
has been doing sib shops for years now will be coming out to help on the day
they are doing theirs. I hope to
get out there to meet her. I asked
both Richard and Bee about their feelings at the time of their sisters having
cancer. Bee said she was older so
she was able to handle it better than a child. Richard said, “I had skiing.” I truly believe my brother saved Richard by teaching him how
to ski. Things could have been so
different and negative for Richard.
But he had skiing and an Uncle who took him under his wing and gave him
the love and time he needed.
Siblings get left out so often.
They can be the forgotten child or children. The sick child gets a lot of attention and gifts. I remember feeling bad for Richard
several times as Kathryn received gifts and he had to just watch. He seemed to do well with it. Kathryn was good at sharing.
So the simple things in life are there to treasure. I do treasure sitting outside and just
soaking in all of the beauty around me.
I enjoy the simple visits from friends and family. The time I get to share with them. Of course I appreciate the simple
things that I can do. I can walk,
talk, think for myself, see and do what I need to do or want to do. Being independent is such a simple gift
but one that I really treasure. I
hope you realize the simple things in life are the best things in life.
I’m off and will write later.
Love you all,
Carol
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