Love my kids 6-3-13
When I came home from work the other day my house smelled like there were brownies baking. I asked Scott what he was baking. He said, “I’m not baking anything.” I always think when I smell these different smells it must be Kathryn. I kept smelling it for hours too.
Another day last week Scott came to me and said, “Look at this rock.” I looked at it and there was a definite smiley face on it. This was Scott’s sign that Kathryn was around. I know she is here. We see, hear or smell signs all of the time.
We finally finished painting our bedroom/bathroom and went through all of our stuff and organized. I found copy of Kathryn’s essay that she wrote in the spring of 2010. This was after she was re-diagnosed and after her brain surgery and while she was doing her radiation and chemo. I can’t believe how she wrote about cancer as a positive in her life. She also wrote in such a positive way about her future. She didn’t plan on leaving us. No, she was planning on continuing her education at Western and taking on her dream job of becoming a childlife specialist in the oncology department of Mary Bridge Hospital. This was so she could blossom joy from cancer and her experience.
Richard’s essay always blows me away. It was about finding skiing. He talks about his story of how his way of learning to ski was so much different than most people. He found skiing because of his sister’s cancer. A difficult and devastating ordeal for our family. Skiing gave him an escape. He so appreciates what his Uncle Pat did for him. He bought him all of his gear, taught him how to ski and took him to the mountain every weekend. He hopes to repay it by doing something similar for some other child in his future.
I also found letters that were written back in 2007 to Richard and Kathryn from a few different people including myself. I read through them and realized that I have always been so proud of my kids. They are both very loving and caring people who have great spirits and fun personalities. Just great kids. I’m so fortunate to have them.
My neighbor reads my blog and she brought flowers over to me for my broken heart. She read about Rowan’s passing. I have great neighbors!
I also finally got up the courage to really clean in Kathryn’s room. I dusted and put her Pictures back up on her dresser. I moved the stuffed animals to where they should be and vacuumed. It didn’t take too long but I feel so much better. It’s clean and organized again like Kathryn would have it. I didn’t even cry too much.
Friday evening I was asked to be the Luminaria speaker for the Lakewood Relay for Life. This was the evening when I smelt the brownies. Maybe this was Kathryn’s sign of approval. I had planned on reading her essay for most of my speech. I thought it would be good for people to hear her story from her and not all me. I thought her positive writing would encourage others to be positive too. While I was there I met a young lady who knew Kathryn and went to school with her. She remembered collecting pennies for her back in the second grade when she was first diagnosed with cancer. It was nice to meet her. She had to leave to head back to Bellingham as she is going to Western. My speech went just fine. I felt good about it. I saw that people were really listening and would smile and nod their heads.
A lady also contacted me this week. Her daughter also knew Kathryn. Her friend’s daughter has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. She is only 8 years old. She wanted to know some things about our experience. I was happy to answer all of her questions and offer support for her friend. The little girl had just finished her year of treatments but now there was something else. She started to have headaches and vomiting. These are all signs of brain tumors. This was a couple of days ago that she contacted me. Last night I read she was in the hospital after having a seizure. Another sign of a brain tumor. I don’t know how God could allow this to happen to little children.
Friday (May 31st) was my Mother’s 80th birthday. I had a huge birthday party for her on Sunday the 1st. We had relatives and friends over. In the morning it poured down rain. I was so worried that the weather was not going to clear. It ended up perfect. Around 10:30 or so it stopped raining. And by the time the party was supposed to start at 2:00 it was sunny and nice. In the evening after most everyone had left we had a nice bond fire. I love sitting around the fire and just talking and having a good time.
Richard and Bee came down for the party. I was busy working in the yard on Saturday when they arrived. I talked to them about their sib shops that they are going to do at Camp. This will be time for the siblings of the cancer kids to ask questions and share their feelings about being a sibling of a child with cancer. They have some good things planned. I asked both of them if they had any feelings of jealousy or anything as they grew up as a sibling of a child with cancer. Both of them said no. Richard said, “I had skiing.” Bee said, she just remembers that she would spend her allowance really quick because she could go out and do things with friends. Her sister couldn’t go out and do a lot of things so she has a huge stash of money from her allowance. It didn’t cause any issues. They both feel they were lucky in that our families handled things well. Neither one of them felt left out or became jealous. They said that there are a lot of kids that don’t have it as good.
Well, today is June 3rd and I am having my hip replaced. I will have to get in the shower soon. Surgery is at 11 am. Yesterday I was reminded that I really need to get this done. My hip was bothering me so bad by the end of the night. I was on my feet all day and wow, I was sore. So here I go!
Have a great week.