Kathryn continues to inspire people. When I went to church with my Mom a friend came up to us to share her thoughts. She said she reads the tri-fold that we handed out at Kathryn’s service last year. She reads it for inspiration often. Kathryn’s essay in that tri-fold is pretty incredible. I have read it a few times myself and can’t believe we raised such a strong and courageous young lady.
Scott and I went to an electrical job together last week and met a couple of sweet people. The man, Ken, is an old golf pro. Very proud of his past, as he should be. His wife Linda is a nice lady. She asked me if I was a cancer survivor. I was wearing my Wired jacket with all of my pink ribbon pins on it. I told I wasn’t a real survivor but in a way I was. Scott told her we lost our 20 year old daughter to brain cancer last year. Her heart sank. We talked about it for a bit and I shared Rowan’s story too. As we talked we both acknowledged that there is a reason to everything. She got real excited when she said, “I bet it has to do with Rowan. Some day in the future there will be something big with you and Rowan.” Maybe she is right. Maybe some day I will stand with Rowan to help promote and protect the Doctor that is now saving her life. I have been praying recently for God to give me direction. I hope he will show me just what it is that I’m supposed to do with my great loss. What good am I supposed to do from this? There must be something but I am not sure what it is just yet.
As I chatted with my friend on the phone she said she thinks Kathryn is at Mary Bridge Hospital. She thinks she is there, helping children and maybe even helping some of them cross over. Scott and I both thought that this is possible. We didn’t think about her spirit being at Mary Bridge but it really makes the most sense. Kathryn did want to work there as a child life specialist. She did want to bring comfort to children and families. She wanted to make their treatments easy and she wanted to make them smile and share her love and joy. She would know how to do this. We did it each and every time. When she was little we brought arts and crafts to do when we knew it was an all day treatment. On shorter days we brought movies or other things to do. We joked and laughed even in the mist of barfing. One of the nurses was so great that she had us decorate a barf pan so beautiful that Kathryn wouldn’t want to get it dirty. It actually worked. So, hopefully Kathryn is bringing comfort to those who need it.
Scott and I went to the Wine Auction meeting for Camp Goodtimes. We are working on gathering donations and helping with the decorations. We are also inviting people to buy tickets. I’m looking forward to this night. It should be a lot of fun. We are working the day before and the day of and then attending as guests. Dinner and dancing for a great cause (Camp Goodtimes)!
I was reading my book, “Closer Than You Think”, and I came to a chapter about living for two. Living for the ones we lost. Well, not living for them but living with them. Sharing the things we do with them. Doing some things that they would like to do. Doing something they always dreamed of doing. It was a good chapter about sharing your life as you would have with the one you lost just as if they were still here. I think doing the things Kathryn enjoyed as we do has made it easy to feel as if she is still here. I was thinking the other day that I as though she is still here most of the time. As the light flickered above the sink I use in the bathroom I said, Make it glow brighter Kathryn and it did. It glowed brighter and then it dimmed and then it slowly reached that bright glow again. I thanked her and it stopped and stayed steady. I think of all of the connections we had and now that we still have. I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter. She was perfect in every way.
I went to the gym on Thursday. My trainer, Rosey, is the very best. As we were signing up days for my future training sessions one date I chose was Monday the 25th. As soon as I said the 25th I also made a noise. Maybe a little grown or something. She asked if it was ok. I just said it is one of those anniversary dates. It is the anniversary of Kathryn’s celebration of life. It will be one year since we said our final good byes. The day I tried so hard to say in a few minutes just how special she was. I tried to share how much she shared with all of us and how much love she had to give and did give. I tried to make the point that she protected all of us from pain and suffering but not allowing us to see hers. I wanted to do it right and felt I came our a bit short but I did do the best that I could that day. I think the displays showed how wonderful her life was and how much she packed into 20 years.
I also went to a retirement party for a wonderful lady from Fife. She really encouraged me and tried to help me find resources for my Mom when my Dad was ill. She also gave me courage and strength in terms of Kathryn’s situation. As I talked to her at this party she said she was glad to see that I have come to terms with my loss after all it is something I cannot change. I did tell her that I had prayed for over a year to have it change but do realize that it will not. I have to say once and a while I still try to get God to bring her back. I argue my point with him in hopes that he sees my side of the story and will make the change. But in reality I know God just doesn’t do this. I know that I will see Kathryn and I should do everything that I can to make this life the best I can. Maybe living more like Kathryn and with Kathryn will help me do the best. It hits me that way now and then and my life feels real good. I feel so good when I do for others. When I feel I have touched someone for the better my heart fills with joy, as Kathryn’s heart must have so many times. She touched so many people in such positive ways.
My cousin shared a story on facebook. It was really all about accepting people. Or should I say not to sweat over the small things in life. There are so many things to be grateful for that we shouldn’t whine and complain. To appreciate those we love even when they are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws. It was a good story that made me think about appreciating my friends and family more.
I spent Saturday (2-23-13) afternoon with my Mom. We went to the trade show at the fair grounds to see my brother Pat in action. He runs the Bremerton National Airport. He has the flight school, a shop and takes care of all of the fuel. It is a big responsibility. After we attended to trade show I took Mom to Sumner to buy her some tools for her wood carving class. I’m glad she is so outgoing and not afraid to try new things. My Mom was a big inspiration for Richard and Kathryn. She certainly taught them about love and family. She’s the best!
My Mom shared a story with me about a family who put their Mom in assistant living. They sold her house and her car. Why? She had broken two fingers. That’s hardly a reason to do this. She still drove and would meet her friend at church weekly. They took away her independence. She was treated like she was in their way and they just didn’t have time to help her. Well, I assured my Mom that we would not do this to her. My Mom is independent and I want her to have this. I know that I like to be independent and would be very upset if this happened to me. What’s that golden rule? Treat others as you would want to be treated. I guess this family forgot the golden rule. I know that Scott’s Mom was deciding on moving into a retirement center with all of the different levels of care. She had filled out the forms and was going to move when a place came available. She really didn’t want to do this. She died in her own home before any move happened. I think this is just what she wanted. I’m glad she didn’t have to move or go through any suffering. She would have missed her home, pool and friends just dropping by. In fact she was waiting that day for her nephew and family to stop by. That is who found her. Always an open house and heart.
We also watched the movie, The Help, last night. The woman put her mother in a nursing home for laughing at her. This movie had a lot to say about the character of people. I hope to have a good character and instill in my son how important good character is. I believe Richard is a fine young man with a lot to give.