Special Days Ahead Jan 26, 2013
It’s been a busy week and I have a great deal of things to share. So grab yourself a cup of coffee or tea, a beer or glass of wine all depending on what time it is and sit back and relax.
First, I forgot to mention that Richard did get a new car. It is exactly like the one he had but two years newer. It also has an after market stereo that he really doesn’t care for but all in all he is very happy to have his car back. It is even the same color and same interior it’s just newer and maybe a little better. I’m so happy he was able to find the car that he truly wanted and he didn’t have to settle on something he wasn’t truly happy with. He picked it up on the 17th.
So, last Saturday I thought I should contact Rebecca, Rowan’s Mom, to see how they were all doing. I went to send her an email and found that all but 6 of my contacts were gone. Not too happy about that. Anyhow I am one of those people who save emails and I was able to find an old one of Rebecca’s. The next thing I know I get this call from Rowan. She has the sweetest little voice. She reminds me of Kathryn when she was little. She chatted with me for a while. I could hear Rebecca in the background coaching her just a little. She carried the conversation pretty well all by herself most of the time. Not bad for only 4 years old. She said, “I Love You”, at the end of our conversation. My heart filled with emotion and I was warm all over. Then I talked to Rebecca for a while. They had a MRI scheduled for the 23rd. I just checked my email to see if she sent me something about the MRI but nothing. I haven’t checked my emails for a while (a week) so it took a while to go through everything. Rowan is doing very well. I just hope and pray that her doctor continues to treat people here in the USA. He has been hassled by the FDA and the Texas Medical board so many times for saving lives that he may just have to go to another country. Pray that this he continues his good work here so children like Rowan can live a full and happy life.
I had another stress headache. These are killers and take me down. Last spring I ended up in the ER as it went into my back and legs. This time it stayed in my head and neck. I just about called it a day about half way through work but I made it. I went straight home and right to a nice little nap on the couch. This helped. I had taken all kinds of pain meds throughout the day but nothing touched it. This is how it goes for me. After a good nights sleep I was fine in the morning.
I finally took down the Christmas tree last weekend. It is a difficult task mentally. All of those ornaments bring back memories. They are good memories but it also reminds me that the memories with Kathryn are now in the past and no new ones are in my future. The Barbie shoe ornaments were some of her favorites. There’s this cute one of a Barbie and Kelly on a sled and we always referred to it as Mommy and Kathryn. Her beautiful ballerinas from the Nutcracker. That was our Christmas thing to do. Carefully placing each ornament in its box and remembering every special moment. We are a special family with so many memories. I have many more memories to make. Scott, Richard and I will keep the family system alive.
Scott and I also attended the Porsche club annual awards event on 1-19-13. It was in Tacoma at Griot’s Garage. It was nice to see people that we haven’t seen for a while. This is another family that we are fortunate to be a part of. When we walked into the place they have beautiful cars on display. One looks like Scott’s old Carerra clone that was white with blue. It belongs to Kathryn’s neurosurgeon. He showed up and sat with us for a while. He was on call that weekend and had just finished up a surgery. I thanked him for giving Kathryn that last year of college. I told him she wanted nothing more than to be a normal college student and he helped her achieve that. I think I made him choke a little. Neurosurgeons are not very emotional people. I guess with a job like that you have to separate yourself to be able to handle the disappointments that you are handed. I know he was connected to our family. I know that he really felt the sorrow when he discovered the type of tumor Kathryn had. He was the first one to know what we were all going to face. I know it was hard for him to face me and tell me what he had discovered. But as he told other people bad news he faced me solid. He told me and he told me how sorry he was. He had nothing to be sorry about. He gave Kathryn so much. He did two surgeries on her and he did each one perfectly. He gave her life. And for that I am eternally grateful.
On Sunday I went to church with my Mom. It was nice to go with her. I do enjoy going to church. But it hit me. During the service I just broke down and cried. I couldn’t help it. Thank goodness my Mom was there. She pulled a clean hanky from her purse. I teased her about it and asked if it was clean. Yep, I needed it. One of my friends at church shared with me that the alter flowers were from her family in honor and memory of her sister and niece. Her sister was only 26 and pregnant. Wow, just starting her family. She was in a car accident and her life and her baby’s life were both taken. I also saw the mother of a friend of mine. She looked so stressed. Their son just died in October. He was a couple of years younger than me. Yes, he was a full grown adult but still her child. It is never easy to loose a child. There are so many people with seriously ill children. Some that won’t make it. Some that will. It is so hard to understand why the little children get sick and die.
Right after church we (Mom and I) headed to Seattle. We were meeting with Richard’s girlfriend’s Mom and Grandma for lunch. It was fun to finally see where Bee grew up. I enjoyed getting to know more about the family and where they lived and all. We drove by the bookstore that Christy (Bee’s Mom) owns. I can see the attraction to living where they live. The little area of Ballard is very nice. We went to Roy’s in Ballard for lunch. It was a beautiful day. Actually it was foggy but the fog was letting go and the Olympic Mountains were making an appearance. Such a beautiful view. Scott and I had been there way back in the 80’s with his Grandma, Grandpa and cousin. Christy had shared their cancer story with me and now I think I can remember it more clearly. I have been given bits and piece and well when Bee and I sat in the hot tub Thanksgiving Day night I had had a little bit of wine so remembering what was said didn’t come back too well. I’m so glad that Mom and I spent this day with Christy and her Mom.
So Monday was MLK day and I had the day off. I went to a Non-chiropractor who moves bones. I don’t know what to really call him. His name is George and he told me I would get lost finding his place. I did. But I was early enough and I wasn’t too far off when I called him. I was referred to him by a friend from work. He is an Asian man with furniture similar to the furniture that I have in my living room. All Chinese hand carved. He said his was valued at $40,000. He has a strong religious background. His mother is a Buddhist and high up in the Buddhist community. He started off my telling me that illnesses are brought on by ignorance or indulgence. He explained that we either don’t know that what we are doing is making us sick or that we know and we indulge in what brings us pleasure and continue to make ourselves sick. He also told me a little bit of what he knows about blood type and our bodies. I have read a little about how our blood types do make us more susceptible to certain illnesses. As he moved my bones back into place (a bunch of them) we talked about life and different things. Of course Kathryn came up. He told me that she and I would always be connected. That the atoms and forces of our bodies will always connect. He said she is around and always will be. He told me he knew this because he had had a heart attack and died. During his death he saw his sister who had only lived hours. He never knew about her until that moment. She was full grown and told him who she was and gave him her name. When he shared this with his Mother she was certainly taken back. She had never mentioned her before but he was able to tell his mother her name and how she came to him. He told me to look into the eyes of Kathryn in a picture and talk to her. He said I would feel her. I could feel the bones go back into place. So many of them were out. I did feel better right away. He told me that my muscles were so tight because they were working hard to hold my bones in place. Or at least the muscles were trying to hold me upright so I could stand up with bones not lining up. Since they were all out of whack my muscles had to work really hard. I did go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday. I was fine after Tuesday but Thursday I worked my legs and hurt pretty bad on Friday. Today I’m better. I guess I won’t ski on Monday. I need to lay low and let my muscles relax. Richard told Scott I was broken and shouldn’t ski. I see George again on Wednesday but I’m calling on Monday to see if I can see him Monday instead.
While in the copy room last week at work my principal called me aside. He wanted to tell me about a former student of ours. He didn’t want me to read it in an email during class. He looks out for me. This student was such a nice girl. She would talk to me a lot. She would say, “Hi Mrs. Bradley how are you today?” We would chat a little. She always had a smile on her face. She was always so pleasant and kind. She had a seizer and it took her life. Her celebration of life is on the 2nd. I just don’t know that I could do this one. Not on the 2nd. I have a candy cane pen that I will send with a card. She collected pens. Clicky pens were her favorite but I’m sure she would love this candy cane pen too. Especially knowing it was Kathryn’s. She asked me about Kathryn many times.
So, the 22nd was the anniversary of our last Christmas with Kathryn. It was a good day with her. She so enjoyed her Christmas. She placed her new ornament on the tree. She opened her gifts with our help. She loved watching Princess open treats that were wrapped. She really enjoyed having Nathan sign for her. She thanked him by clapping and smiled such a big smile. Her face lit up as he sang. She was so excepting of him and his music. There are other days coming up too. February 2nd will mark one year since Kathryn’s passing. February 5th will be her 22nd birthday. February 9th will be Richard’s 26th birthday. It’s hard to know how to do all of these days. My friends from work asked if they could take me to the waterfront and maybe put some flowers in the water for Kathryn and then take me out for a solute to Kathryn. We are going to do this on her birthday the 5th right after work. I think it is special that they are thinking of me. I did finally talk to Richard about all of this on Tuesday the 22nd or so. We are having a pancake dinner on the 2nd as we did last year fro her birthday. He was open to the idea. When I asked him who to invite he said, “You know I don’t do these things.” He isn’t a party planner or event planner. I know he doesn’t do these things but I wanted to make sure I asked him for input. I started to cry as I talked about it. He told me it was ok for me to cry. He is such a tenderhearted person. I so proud of the person he has become. A wild boy to a beautiful young man. I love him so much.
Richard will be here for about a week or so before he heads out with Mitch on their ski adventure. I will be praying that they stay safe. He told me he didn’t want to do anything more than go out for dinner for his birthday. We always took the kids to their place of choice for their birthdays and will continue to do so. I told him to invite whoever he would like to invite. That will be a good night too.
On Thursday as I was leaving school I was surprised by a friend. I was just talking to Scott the night before about seeing someone to help him deal with his emotions. I suggested he call his friend but he said his friend is so busy that he didn’t want to bother him. Well as I was approaching my car I noticed this red jeep. I didn’t recognize it but then it drove over by me. Who should step out? It was Scott’s friend I had talked to him about. He had been interviewing kids with one of the teachers that he met last year while planning the fundraiser for our family. Wow, I couldn’t believe it. I’m hoping after our conversation that he and Scott will find a time to get together. It’s amazes me how people pop into our lives just at the right time.
Yesterday as I drove home from school I put in a CD. Scott had left two in the car. One was Eric Clapton and the other was one that someone made. It said, “Songs for Kathryn,” on it. I flipped through the Eric Clapton songs as I couldn’t handle listening to them. Then I put in the other CD and it started off with Brother Iz, “Over the Rainbow.” I burst into tears and changed it to another song and another and another. I was a mess by time I got home. I was just so full of emotion. I came home and talked to God as I changed and then talked to my sweet pea. I told Kathryn how much I missed her. I told God how much I missed her too. I washed my face and took Princess for a walk. My leg really hurt from the gym the night before. I could hardly walk a couple of blocks. But the walk was good to clear my head.
You probably had to read this in sections. It’s long! Hopefully I will have good news to share about Rowan next time. I’m sure it will be good news. She sounded so good on the phone. I will also share how each of the anniversaries go and still more to come.
I also read from a woman who just lost her husband. When he died she was pissed at first to see the sun in the sky. How dare the sun shine after losing her husband she thought. Kathryn died on a beautiful sunny day. We thank her and God for the sunshine that day and the days that followed. This lady was also grateful for the sunshine after she thought about it. She also had a hard time going to sleep the first night after being by her husband’s side for so long. Oh, I remember that first night so clearly. It was scary to go into the dark and try to sleep. I had sleep next to Kathryn for so long. I had slept with her and the Christmas tree on to light the room. I had to be able to see the oxygen reader. The darkness was too hard to face. I will write about this later.
I’m still amazed how people are put into our lives just at the right moments. We are given peace and joy through the people we encounter. I do love life and the people I have the privilege to share it with.
Have a great day!