Saturday Jan 12th 2013
The week has gone by quickly and all is fine. School is going well. My leg is feeling much better today but I think I will keep activities like skiing and racquetball off the table for a week or so. I did go to the gym on Thursday, as it was the first time in a week. That may have helped with the healing. Gave up on PT as I hurt more after than I thought it should. Still doing PT just on my own and little bits at a time.
I got a new student on Thursday and as she and I were talking up by my desk she looked at the pictures I have on the wall. She asked me if the girl in the purple shirt went to school here. She was looking at Kathryn’s picture. I said no and she said, “I swear I saw her at the store the other day.” I said, “That is my daughter and she passed away last year but maybe you did see her.” We both smiled. She said, “The girl I saw looked just like her.” I asked, “Was she smiling a big smile?” She said, “Yes.” I said, “Then that was her.” We both just smile bigger. This was so out of the blue. It made my heart feel so good. Of course she would be smiling. She was always smiling. Such a happy, confident your lady.
Richard and Bee came down to spend the night last night. Richard is going car shopping today to replace the car that was totaled in the accident on the 14th of December. They did give him a fair payout for it, which makes me happy. I had to fight with the insurance when Scott’s car was totaled. We helped him buy that car with some of Kathryn’s death benefit money and the money from the sale of her car. It was a gift from Kathryn to Richard. She wanted to give him something. She and I talked about it. She was so concerned about Richard if she passed away.
I read this morning that another camp member died. He was nineteen. What is even more difficult about his death is that his brother died of cancer several years ago. This family lost two children to cancer. I can’t imagine how this poor Mom feels. And I can’t understand why this happens. Why do some families have to go through so much pain? Losing one child is bad enough but two is… well It would probably take me out. I don’t know that I could bare the pain of losing two children. That’s whom we live for when we have children. I live for my kids. I would do anything for them. Well, his service is on the anniversary of Kathryn’s death. (2-2-12). I don’t think I would be a good attendee. I am going to send a card.
I hope I get more reports of people seeing Kathryn. Maybe that was God’s way of telling me she is still here. Even if I don’t see her, she is with me. Every once in a while I smell this smell that I think is her. Last night it felt like she was here breathing on me while I was lying in bed.
This morning I spend more time with Richard and Bee. I love having them around. I just wish Scott and Richard wouldn’t argue. I just don’t get it. They don't do it a lot but even a little is enough. Time is precious and I am not spending my time arguing. I have learned to just let go. My opinions are just that. Just opinions and other people have their own opinions. I am not going to change their minds I have learned. I can make a suggestion and whether or not a person agrees or disagrees doesn’t really matter. Anyhow, they will be back tonight which, I look forward to. Between now and then I need to get Christmas some more Christmas down and clean this house.
Last week one of my students gave me a belated Christmas gift. We had a cancellation on what would have been the last day before Christmas break. In it was a cookie cutter. It was a Santa cookie cutter. Roll out sugar cookies were Kathryn’s favorite to make. A pair of gloves, also something that made me think of taking walks with Kathryn as we have a drawer full of these gloves and Kathryn always wore them on walks. She didn’t like to be cold. A nice bath set of bath salts, lotion and body wash. Kathryn would have liked this too. It was the perfect Kathryn package.
I miss her so much!
Off to bathe Princess (Kathryn’s Dog from 1999). Then the house!
Love to you all,