Special Days Ahead Jan 26, 2013

Special Days Ahead Jan 26, 2013

It’s been a busy week and I have a great deal of things to share.  So grab yourself a cup of coffee or tea, a beer or glass of wine all depending on what time it is and sit back and relax.

First, I forgot to mention that Richard did get a new car.  It is exactly like the one he had but two years newer.  It also has an after market stereo that he really doesn’t care for but all in all he is very happy to have his car back.  It is even the same color and same interior it’s just newer and maybe a little better.  I’m so happy he was able to find the car that he truly wanted and he didn’t have to settle on something he wasn’t truly happy with.  He picked it up on the 17^th.

So, last Saturday I thought I should contact Rebecca, Rowan’s Mom, to see how they were all doing.  I went to send her an email and found that all but 6 of my contacts were gone.  Not too happy about that.  Anyhow I am one of those people who save emails and I was able to find an old one of Rebecca’s.  The next thing I know I get this call from Rowan.  She has the sweetest little voice.  She reminds me of Kathryn when she was little.  She chatted with me for a while.  I could hear Rebecca in the background coaching her just a little.  She carried the conversation pretty well all by herself most of the time.  Not bad for only 4 years old.  She said, “I Love You”, at the end of our conversation.  My heart filled with emotion and I was warm all over.  Then I talked to Rebecca for a while.  They had a MRI scheduled for the 23^rd.  I just checked my email to see if she sent me something about the MRI but nothing.  I haven’t checked my emails for a while (a week) so it took a while to go through everything.  Rowan is doing very well.  I just hope and pray that her doctor continues to treat people here in the USA.  He has been hassled by the FDA and the Texas Medical board so many times for saving lives that he may just have to go to another country.  Pray that this he continues his good work here so children like Rowan can live a full and happy life.

I had another stress headache.  These are killers and take me down.  Last spring I ended up in the ER as it went into my back and legs.  This time it stayed in my head and neck.  I just about called it a day about half way through work but I made it.  I went straight home and right to a nice little nap on the couch.  This helped.  I had taken all kinds of pain meds throughout the day but nothing touched it.  This is how it goes for me.  After a good nights sleep I was fine in the morning.

I finally took down the Christmas tree last weekend.  It is a difficult task mentally.  All of those ornaments bring back memories.  They are good memories but it also reminds me that the memories with Kathryn are now in the past and no new ones are in my future.  The Barbie shoe ornaments were some of her favorites.  There’s this cute one of a Barbie and Kelly on a sled and we always referred to it as Mommy and Kathryn.  Her beautiful ballerinas from the Nutcracker.  That was our Christmas thing to do.  Carefully placing each ornament in its box and remembering every special moment.  We are a special family with so many memories.  I have many more memories to make.  Scott, Richard and I will keep the family system alive.

Scott and I also attended the Porsche club annual awards event on 1-19-13.  It was in Tacoma at Griot’s Garage.  It was nice to see people that we haven’t seen for a while.  This is another family that we are fortunate to be a part of.  When we walked into the place they have beautiful cars on display.  One looks like Scott’s old Carerra clone that was white with blue.  It belongs to Kathryn’s neurosurgeon.  He showed up and sat with us for a while.  He was on call that weekend and had just finished up a surgery.  I thanked him for giving Kathryn that last year of college.  I told him she wanted nothing more than to be a normal college student and he helped her achieve that.  I think I made him choke a little.  Neurosurgeons are not very emotional people.  I guess with a job like that you have to separate yourself to be able to handle the disappointments that you are handed.  I know he was connected to our family.  I know that he really felt the sorrow when he discovered the type of tumor Kathryn had.  He was the first one to know what we were all going to face.  I know it was hard for him to face me and tell me what he had discovered. But as he told other people bad news he faced me solid.  He told me and he told me how sorry he was.  He had nothing to be sorry about.  He gave Kathryn so much.  He did two surgeries on her and he did each one perfectly.  He gave her life.  And for that I am eternally grateful.

On Sunday I went to church with my Mom.  It was nice to go with her.  I do enjoy going to church.  But it hit me.  During the service I just broke down and cried.  I couldn’t help it.  Thank goodness my Mom was there.  She pulled a clean hanky from her purse.  I teased her about it and asked if it was clean.  Yep, I needed it.  One of my friends at church shared with me that the alter flowers were from her family in honor and memory of her sister and niece.  Her sister was only 26 and pregnant.  Wow, just starting her family.  She was in a car accident and her life and her baby’s life were both taken.  I also saw the mother of a friend of mine.  She looked so stressed.  Their son just died in October.  He was a couple of years younger than me.  Yes, he was a full grown adult but still her child.  It is never easy to loose a child.  There are so many people with seriously ill children.  Some that won’t make it.  Some that will.  It is so hard to understand why the little children get sick and die.

Right after church we (Mom and I) headed to Seattle.  We were meeting with Richard’s girlfriend’s Mom and Grandma for lunch.  It was fun to finally see where Bee grew up.  I enjoyed getting to know more about the family and where they lived and all.  We drove by the bookstore that Christy (Bee’s Mom) owns.  I can see the attraction to living where they live.  The little area of Ballard is very nice.  We went to Roy’s in Ballard for lunch.  It was a beautiful day.  Actually it was foggy but the fog was letting go and the Olympic Mountains were making an appearance.  Such a beautiful view.  Scott and I had been there way back in the 80’s with his Grandma, Grandpa and cousin.  Christy had shared their cancer story with me and now I think I can remember it more clearly.  I have been given bits and piece and well when Bee and I sat in the hot tub Thanksgiving Day night I had had a little bit of wine so remembering what was said didn’t come back too well.  I’m so glad that Mom and I spent this day with Christy and her Mom.   

So Monday was MLK day and I had the day off.  I went to a Non-chiropractor who moves bones.  I don’t know what to really call him.  His name is George and he told me I would get lost finding his place.  I did.  But I was early enough and I wasn’t too far off when I called him.  I was referred to him by a friend from work.  He is an Asian man with furniture similar to the furniture that I have in my living room.  All Chinese hand carved.  He said his was valued at $40,000.  He has a strong religious background.  His mother is a Buddhist and high up in the Buddhist community.  He started off my telling me that illnesses are brought on by ignorance or indulgence.  He explained that we either don’t know that what we are doing is making us sick or that we know and we indulge in what brings us pleasure and continue to make ourselves sick.  He also told me a little bit of what he knows about blood type and our bodies.  I have read a little about how our blood types do make us more susceptible to certain illnesses.  As he moved my bones back into place (a bunch of them) we talked about life and different things.  Of course Kathryn came up.  He told me that she and I would always be connected.  That the atoms and forces of our bodies will always connect.  He said she is around and always will be.  He told me he knew this because he had had a heart attack and died.  During his death he saw his sister who had only lived hours.  He never knew about her until that moment.  She was full grown and told him who she was and gave him her name.  When he shared this with his Mother she was certainly taken back.  She had never mentioned her before but he was able to tell his mother her name and how she came to him.  He told me to look into the eyes of Kathryn in a picture and talk to her.  He said I would feel her.  I could feel the bones go back into place.  So many of them were out.  I did feel better right away.  He told me that my muscles were so tight because they were working hard to hold my bones in place.  Or at least the muscles were trying to hold me upright so I could stand up with bones not lining up.  Since they were all out of whack my muscles had to work really hard.  I did go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday.  I was fine after Tuesday but Thursday I worked my legs and hurt pretty bad on Friday.  Today I’m better.  I guess I won’t ski on Monday.  I need to lay low and let my muscles relax.  Richard told Scott I was broken and shouldn’t ski.  I see George again on Wednesday but I’m calling on Monday to see if I can see him Monday instead.

While in the copy room last week at work my principal called me aside.  He wanted to tell me about a former student of ours.  He didn’t want me to read it in an email during class.  He looks out for me.  This student was such a nice girl.  She would talk to me a lot.  She would say, “Hi Mrs. Bradley how are you today?”  We would chat a little.  She always had a smile on her face.  She was always so pleasant and kind.  She had a seizer and it took her life.  Her celebration of life is on the 2^nd.  I just don’t know that I could do this one.  Not on the 2^nd.  I have a candy cane pen that I will send with a card.  She collected pens.  Clicky pens were her favorite but I’m sure she would love this candy cane pen too.  Especially knowing it was Kathryn’s.  She asked me about Kathryn many times.   

So, the 22^nd was the anniversary of our last Christmas with Kathryn.  It was a good day with her.  She so enjoyed her Christmas.  She placed her new ornament on the tree.  She opened her gifts with our help.  She loved watching Princess open treats that were wrapped.  She really enjoyed having Nathan sign for her.  She thanked him by clapping and smiled such a big smile.  Her face lit up as he sang.  She was so excepting of him and his music.  There are other days coming up too.  February 2^nd will mark one year since Kathryn’s passing.  February 5^th will be her 22^nd birthday.  February 9^th will be Richard’s 26^th birthday.  It’s hard to know how to do all of these days.  My friends from work asked if they could take me to the waterfront and maybe put some flowers in the water for Kathryn and then take me out for a solute to Kathryn.  We are going to do this on her birthday the 5^th right after work.  I think it is special that they are thinking of me.  I did finally talk to Richard about all of this on Tuesday the 22^nd or so.  We are having a pancake dinner on the 2^nd as we did last year fro her birthday.  He was open to the idea. When I asked him who to invite he said, “You know I don’t do these things.”  He isn’t a party planner or event planner.  I know he doesn’t do these things but I wanted to make sure I asked him for input.  I started to cry as I talked about it.  He told me it was ok for me to cry.  He is such a tenderhearted person. I so proud of the person he has become.  A wild boy to a beautiful young man.  I love him so much.

Richard will be here for about a week or so before he heads out with Mitch on their ski adventure.  I will be praying that they stay safe.  He told me he didn’t want to do anything more than go out for dinner for his birthday.  We always took the kids to their place of choice for their birthdays and will continue to do so.  I told him to invite whoever he would like to invite.  That will be a good night too.

On Thursday as I was leaving school I was surprised by a friend.  I was just talking to Scott the night before about seeing someone to help him deal with his emotions.  I suggested he call his friend but he said his friend is so busy that he didn’t want to bother him.  Well as I was approaching my car I noticed this red jeep.  I didn’t recognize it but then it drove over by me.  Who should step out?  It was Scott’s friend I had talked to him about.  He had been interviewing kids with one of the teachers that he met last year while planning the fundraiser for our family.  Wow, I couldn’t believe it.  I’m hoping after our conversation that he and Scott will find a time to get together.  It’s amazes me how people pop into our lives just at the right time.

Yesterday as I drove home from school I put in a CD.  Scott had left two in the car.  One was Eric Clapton and the other was one that someone made.  It said, “Songs for Kathryn,” on it.  I flipped through the Eric Clapton songs as I couldn’t handle listening to them.  Then I put in the other CD and it started off with Brother Iz, “Over the Rainbow.”  I burst into tears and changed it to another song and another and another.  I was a mess by time I got home.  I was just so full of emotion.  I came home and talked to God as I changed and then talked to my sweet pea.  I told Kathryn how much I missed her.  I told God how much I missed her too.  I washed my face and took Princess for a walk.  My leg really hurt from the gym the night before.  I could hardly walk a couple of blocks.  But the walk was good to clear my head. 

You probably had to read this in sections.  It’s long!  Hopefully I will have good news to share about Rowan next time. I’m sure it will be good news.   She sounded so good on the phone.  I will also share how each of the anniversaries go and still more to come. 

I also read from a woman who just lost her husband.  When he died she was pissed at first to see the sun in the sky.  How dare the sun shine after losing her husband she thought.  Kathryn died on a beautiful sunny day.  We thank her and God for the sunshine that day and the days that followed.  This lady was also grateful for the sunshine after she thought about it.  She also had a hard time going to sleep the first night after being by her husband’s side for so long.  Oh, I remember that first night so clearly.  It was scary to go into the dark and try to sleep.  I had sleep next to Kathryn for so long.  I had slept with her and the Christmas tree on to light the room.  I had to be able to see the oxygen reader.  The darkness was too hard to face.  I will write about this later.

I’m still amazed how people are put into our lives just at the right moments.  We are given peace and joy through the people we encounter.  I do love life and the people I have the privilege to share it with. 

Have a great day!

January 19, 2013 Home

Today is January 19, 2013.  Last year at this time we were waiting for our ride with the ambulance.  I sat in the hospital with Kathryn and we were both very quiet.  Well she couldn’t talk but we didn’t have a lot to communicate about.  She was scared.  She was scared of going home and dying.  She had a good idea of what was going to happen.  Richard raced around frantically getting all of her meds together.  The most important medication was not filled because the hospital pharmacy was out of it.  Richard checked with so many places around town.  This took hours.  He was finally able to locate some and have some on shipment for later.  This pill is very expensive.  Kathryn’s oncologist was able to find some out of town.  It would have cost $50,000 to have two weeks worth of it shipped to the clinic.  Scott was home getting the house ready.  It was cold, icy and snowy.  He made sure the generator was working too.  I was trying to keep Kathryn from worry but her mind was filled with all kinds of thoughts that I can only imagine.

The ambulance finally arrived and we were off.  We could have drove in our own car but we didn’t want to chance it if something should go wrong.  Kathryn rode in the back and I sat up front giving directions to our house.  The roads were bad here and there so I was asked to find the way that would have the most traffic so the roads would be clearer.  I could talk to Kathryn, as the window was open between the front and the back.  As we approached the hill down to our house the driver stopped.  It is a tough road in the winter.  There is a steep down hill start and a sharp right hand turn and then down hill some more and a sharp right turn and up the steep driveway.  And there was about 6 inches of snow that had ice under it.  The guy in the back asked are we going to go down the hill?  The driver said, “Well it depends on what they are having for dinner.  If it is good we will and if not we won’t.”  We all laughed.  He then said, “We have to get her home.”  That made me very happy.   Getting Kathryn home was so important.  She hated hospitals.

The ambulance got stuck at the bottom of the driveway.  They took Kathryn out on the gurney and pushed her up the driveway through the snow and ice and into the house.  We got her set up on the couch in the family room.  You know it is the family room because that is where the family hangs out.  Shortly after we were all settled in the power went off.  Good thing Richard had Scott check the generator out.  Within seconds we had the power we needed to run Kathryn oxygen machine.  After an hour or two Richard went out to check on the ambulance.  They were still there.  They were stuck at the bottom of the driveway just in a different position. With Richard’s help they were out in minutes. 

It was so good to be home.  I gave Kathryn a bath the next morning and shaved her legs. I remember how good she felt.  She enjoyed that bath so much.  I was so happy to see her feel so good.  And we girls all know how good it feels to shave your legs after a long time (one month) without shaving.  Her smile and her happiness at that moment were so great!  I think I enjoyed it as much as she did.

This week went by really fast again.  Life just keeps moving at the speed of sound.  On Wednesday night we went to our friends birthday party (50^th).  It was a nice evening but we couldn’t stay too late since I have to get up at 5:15 in the morning and then face young busy people all day.  When Scott and I came home on a shelf in the garage there was this stuffed fish Kathryn had made.  It’s a pillow type of deal in the shape of a fish with her name on it.  Decorated so pretty!  There it was on this shelf where the cat eats.  The side with Kathryn facing up.  Both Scott and I looked at it and thought of Kathryn right away.  When I told Richard and Bee about it they both said Klyde.  Klyde is Kathryn’s cat.  I guess he use to drag Mitch’s socks and stuff around the house when he lived in Bellingham with the kids.  He has never dragged anything around in our house.  The only thing he drags around is his mouse with the cap nip in it.  I told the mother of one of my students that I tutor about it and she said that she doesn’t believe it to be a coincident.  She believes it was Kathryn too.  Even if it was Klyde, why that stuffed animal.  Why place it so perfectly where we would find it so easily with the side up that reads Kathryn.  I also told this Mom about the little girl ghost in my neighbor’s house.  She was wowed and also believed it to be Kathryn.  The psychic told me that Kathryn would be appearing more towards the end of January.  Well, about this time.   I think it is happening.  My new student saw her, Klyde or Kathryn placing the fish on the shelf and I have been finding coins, which is supposed to be a sign from loved ones too and her bed was wrinkled again one day like she had been sitting on it.  

I also watched the Long Island Median.  I came across it by chance on Thursday night.  It was good to watch.  It renewed me.  It helps me remember there is life after death and that Kathryn is near and safe.  I wish I could talk to her.  I wish I could see her.  Some day that will all happen.  One woman who lost her daughter at a very young age was told that her daughter’s spirit was in her granddaughter.  It was a special and very unusual gift.  They said they knew that this was the case but now had it confirmed. 

We are doing a hero project in advisory for Martin Luther King Day.  I remember how Kathryn wrote about me being her hero for a contest.  She won that contest and I was treated to a day at the spa.  She called me her hero because she believed I saved her life.  That was the first time around with cancer.  This last time was so different.  I felt trapped with nowhere to turn.  I never gave up.  Even with her laying in the ICU I contacted doctors in hopes that someone would have a different opinion. Hoping that someone would say, “I think we can do something.”  Scans were sent overnight but no help in sight.  I prayed to God to have this be his miracle that we could share and spread the word of his great work.  But that too fell short.  I prayed to have Kathryn’s cancer put in my body and taken out of hers but that didn’t work either.  I so wanted to be her hero again.  But that was not to be either. 

I will be taking down the Christmas tree today.  Looking at each ornament and remembering the Christmas past.  Remembering the when the ornaments were purchased and why.  I did find that last little box of ornaments.  I knew they would show up and they did. 

Life is not the same without Kathryn.  A bit lonely at times.  Some days are fine but others are so hard.  But I can also look at things and remember her laugh and sweet ways that I will always cherish.  We want to do something for her birthday 2/5 but not sure if we should do the pancake dinner or not.  I don’t want to have Richard’s birthday over shadowed by Kathryn’s birthday or death.  He needs his special time too.  I always gave them each a special birthday even if they are only 4 days apart.  So send your thoughts and ideas.

Have a great weekend.

Love, Carol

Saturday Jan 12th 2013

Saturday Jan 12^th 2013

The week has gone by quickly and all is fine.  School is going well.  My leg is feeling much better today but I think I will keep activities like skiing and racquetball off the table for a week or so.  I did go to the gym on Thursday, as it was the first time in a week.  That may have helped with the healing.  Gave up on PT as I hurt more after than I thought it should.  Still doing PT just on my own and little bits at a time. 

I got a new student on Thursday and as she and I were talking up by my desk she looked at the pictures I have on the wall.  She asked me if the girl in the purple shirt went to school here.  She was looking at Kathryn’s picture.  I said no and she said, “I swear I saw her at the store the other day.”  I said, “That is my daughter and she passed away last year but maybe you did see her.”  We both smiled. She said, “The girl I saw looked just like her.”  I asked, “Was she smiling a big smile?”  She said, “Yes.”  I said, “Then that was her.”  We both just smile bigger.  This was so out of the blue.  It made my heart feel so good.  Of course she would be smiling.  She was always smiling.  Such a happy, confident your lady.

Richard and Bee came down to spend the night last night.  Richard is going car shopping today to replace the car that was totaled in the accident on the 14^th of December.  They did give him a fair payout for it, which makes me happy.  I had to fight with the insurance when Scott’s car was totaled. We helped him buy that car with some of Kathryn’s death benefit money and the money from the sale of her car.  It was a gift from Kathryn to Richard.  She wanted to give him something.  She and I talked about it.  She was so concerned about Richard if she passed away. 

I read this morning that another camp member died.  He was nineteen.  What is even more difficult about his death is that his brother died of cancer several years ago.  This family lost two children to cancer.   I can’t imagine how this poor Mom feels.  And I can’t understand why this happens.  Why do some families have to go through so much pain?  Losing one child is bad enough but two is…  well It would probably take me out.  I don’t know that I could bare the pain of losing two children.  That’s whom we live for when we have children.  I live for my kids.  I would do anything for them.  Well, his service is on the anniversary of Kathryn’s death.  (2-2-12).   I don’t think I would be a good attendee.  I am going to send a card.

I hope I get more reports of people seeing Kathryn.  Maybe that was God’s way of telling me she is still here.  Even if I don’t see her, she is with me.  Every once in a while I smell this smell that I think is her.  Last night it felt like she was here breathing on me while I was lying in bed.

This morning I spend more time with Richard and Bee.  I love having them around.  I just wish Scott and Richard wouldn’t argue.  I just don’t get it.  They don't do it a lot but even a little is enough. Time is precious and I am not spending my time arguing.  I have learned to just let go.  My opinions are just that.  Just opinions and other people have their own opinions.  I am not going to change their minds I have learned.  I can make a suggestion and whether or not a person agrees or disagrees doesn’t really matter.  Anyhow, they will be back tonight which, I look forward to.  Between now and then I need to get Christmas some more Christmas down and clean this house. 

Last week one of my students gave me a belated Christmas gift.  We had a cancellation on what would have been the last day before Christmas break.  In it was a cookie cutter.  It was a Santa cookie cutter.  Roll out sugar cookies were Kathryn’s favorite to make.  A pair of gloves, also something that made me think of taking walks with Kathryn as we have a drawer full of these gloves and Kathryn always wore them on walks.  She didn’t like to be cold.  A nice bath set of bath salts, lotion and body wash.  Kathryn would have liked this too.  It was the perfect Kathryn package. 

I miss her so much!

Off to bathe Princess (Kathryn’s Dog from 1999).  Then the house!

Love to you all,

Carol

A NEW YEAR – 2013

             A NEW YEAR – 2013

As the new year approached I caught a ride up to Packwood with Richard’s girlfriend Bee.  Richard has our car there because he still doesn’t have his car back or a new car since his accident on 12-14.  Why Packwood?  We have a cabin up there and we ski at White Pass.  I enjoyed a day of skiing with Richard, Bee and Lucas (another friend of Richard’s).  We had a great time but by 1:30 I had to stop.  My leg was hurting and I could hardly walk.  Oh the joys of getting older.  Bee and I sat in the lodge as Richard worked in the upper lodge from 11 to 3.  He works up there just enough to get a free seasons pass and pay.  Lucas skied a bit more and then joined us again.  Bee and I had a very nice chat.  I enjoy my time with her.  She is so easy to talk to.  We do talk about Kathryn and her sister and Dad.  Her sister’s story is so much like Kathryn’s but it all happened much faster.  They didn’t have the 11 years of no cancer like we did. 

On the way back home from Packwood I stopped by my Mom’s house.  We had a nice visit.  My Mom is the best.  She knows just what to say and what not to say.  She is supportive and does not judge.  She loves all of us with all of her heart.  She would help anyone with anything at anytime.  She’s fun to be with.  She likes to joke around and be silly.  I love that about her.  Richard and Kathryn always liked that too.  She is a good friend and mother figure for Scott.  She is the best Mom.

Scott and I hung out at home for New Year’s Eve.  At 10 he and a neighbor coordinated setting off fireworks together.  We had given a cake to Richard to set off up in Packwood.  A cake is a box of 20 or more shots that go up and make those beautiful displays in the sky.  We sat in the Hot tub and talked about our feelings about Kathryn.  We both had been a bit depressed the past few days and the days that had followed Christmas.  It’s hard not having her here but she is everywhere too.  There isn’t a place in our house that doesn’t bring back memories of Kathryn.  We both miss her sweet voice and soft touch.  I really think she does come sit on the bed some nights.  I feel the depression of the mattress like someone is there.  And I find nothing when I turn and look.  Maybe some day I will see her there.

Back to school on the 2^nd marked the 11^th month since Kathryn’s passing.  Being busy and back to work helps.  The feelings are there.  The disbelief that your little girl is gone is strong.  Most of the time I don’t really believe she is gone.  It feels like she is still here.  It seems that she is just out and about.  But when the reality of it hits it is hard to take.  Sitting here right now…  well it is hard to understand why I should be writing about my daughter in this way.  Why such a wonderful person is taken from a world that needs more people like Kathryn not less.  Why do those crappy people get to live long full lives?  Yes, I am being judge mental but here are a lot of crappy, sucky  people out there that should have gone before Kathryn.  She so deserved to live a long and happy life.   God should have taken me before Kathryn.  I told him that over and over. 

I’m staying busy to help get through this.  I will be tutoring 6 hours a week after working a full day at school.  Yep, and I’m fitting in the gym and maybe more PT.  I think I can do the PT on my own so this week I may just go to the gym and work out one day and do PT the next on my own at the gym.  So the gym four times (Mon – Thurs).

My Mom and I had a nice chat yesterday.  She called to let me know that my dear Aunt Irene passed away.  She was 95 and of strong faith.  I’m sure she was happy to go join her Husband (Uncle Jack).  So this was not a sad phone call.  She wasn’t getting around so good and this is hard for a strong and independent woman.  Passing away and heading to Heaven would be something she welcomed.  I’m so glad I was able to get my Dad and Mom down to California to see Aunt Irene and Uncle Jack before they both passed away.  This discussion with my Mom brought up the idea that some people say if you have faith and pray your prayers will be answered and your loved one will be healed.  Well, she and I both disagree with that.  Uncle Jack and Aunt Irene both had enough faith in God for the entire world.  My daughter didn’t die because of my lack of faith.  Other children didn’t die because of lack of faith.  That is just BS and makes me angry when people say things like this.  God has a plan for each and every one of us.  Kathryn’s plan for her time on Earth was fulfilled.  After all I don’t know anyone who has inspired so many people to better their lives and the lives of others in such a short time.  Kathryn helped so many people open their eyes and hearts.  She truly touched people in a special way.  Myself included!

Richard is much like Kathryn.  He has that understanding heart.  He is looking forward to working with and helping the siblings of children with cancer.  He is excited to get a sibling program started through Camp Goodtimes.  I’m excited to watch my son be the leader in this program.  I’m excited to watch him as he helps others.  I’m excited to see him share his heart and love.  This is hard to do after losing someone so close to you.  I know that he is at this time protecting his heart.  He may not realize it but he is.  It’s natural to want to protect your self from pain and heartache.  I know I did it for years after my Grandma died.  Three years and then I opened my heart to have it crushed and then it took another 3 years to try again. 

With the new year my only plan is to make it better than the last four or five years.  It has been a long run with bad things happening to my family every since my Dad had his first stroke in October of 2008.  From that day things went from bad to worse all the way to 2-2-12 the day Kathryn passed away.  Then we had to deal with our healing issues and now it is 2013.  It has started off on the right track.  My good friend Robyn just got a new job.  She has been out of work for a few years now and this is going to be the best thing for her.  We are so excited!  My job is going well.  Richard is enjoying life.  Scott is doing well.  We are all healthy and financially we are fine.  My Mom is doing well and all of our siblings and their families are doing well.  There may be little bumps in the road as we travel through 2013 but there can’t possibly be any big road blocks like we have had.  I’m looking forward to a good year.

I hope you all find health, happiness and good fortune in 2013.

Love to all,

Carol