Getting tough 2-28-12

Getting tough 2-28-12

Richard headed up to Bellingham and the house seemed so empty.  I couldn’t help but feel sad.  Then I looked around to see all the stuff and couldn’t help but thinking my daughter’s life is in all of these boxes.  Her whole life lies here in our living room in boxes of stuff.  She lies in ashes in a box in her room.  How could this be?  She was vibrant and full of life just a short while ago.  Now she is ashes and boxes of stuff.  It’s hard to realize that this is the truth.  So, as I broke down Scott suggested a drive.  He’s a good man.  We went for a drive and it did make me feel better. 

We had gone through all the luminarias.  They are so beautiful and made with so much love.  The time and effort put into each one is so wonderful and touches my heart.  I was amazed at how many there were.  I feel so blessed to have so many loving people around me.

I will be seeing someone on Monday (counselor) to help me deal with this.  It is getting tough and I think I really need something.  It is hard to function.  I do think if I give myself a schedule it will help. 

I also received a couple of emails that really helped me understand myself a little more.  I certainly have been in shock and denial.  The reality is starting to sink in.  But I was reminded that Kathryn would not want me to be sad.  She would be telling me its ok Mommy.  She has been trying to comfort me by letting me know she is here.  That sweet smell!  I need to get moving so I have a plan.

Scott and I will go skiing for a couple of days.  This will get us out of the house.  When we return we will clear all of the stuff out of the living room.  I’m talking about all of Kathryn’s stuff that was at the celebration.  By the end of the weekend we should have it organized into a memory trunk.  There will be a couple of things that I will leave out to look through more often.  This will help.  I can’t stand having my house all torn apart.  I will also make sure her room is well organized and the last of Christmas is finally put away.  This will make me feel more like me.  Organized and put together – not disorganized with a dirty house.  Then I plan to get on a real schedule.  I need to fit in exercise to feel better.  Starting next week my schedule shall begin.  I will make my to do lists to make sure I get things done and not sit around feeling sad.  I will have to start realizing my “New Normal.”  I can do this!

Actually I asked my students one time during a class, “How many of you believe that if set your mind to do something you can do it?”  Not one hand went up.  I was very disappointed.  When I have thought about doing something I have always believed in myself.  My kids have taken this on too.  Kathryn had so much confidence in herself she could share with others.  Richard has set out to do many things that people have been amazed by.  So I will just chose to be happy, to live and to go on better than before.  I can do this!

I do need to add that I think part of this sadness is really a feeling of guilt.  I think I feel guilty when I don’t feel sad or mad.  I almost wrote that all wrong by stating sad or mad about losing Kathryn.  I will always feel sad and mad about losing Kathryn but I don’t need to feel sad and mad in general.  There is a difference there and I just realized that this could have been a problem for me.  I shouldn’t feel guilty when I am happy and laughing.  I need those things.  Maybe I don’t need a counselor as I figure all of this out.  Don’t worry – I’m keeping my appointment. 

I will not have internet for a couple of days.  Look for a new blog on Thursday night or Friday morning.

Richard Time 2-27-12

Richard Time 2-28-12

Yesterday I had a wonderful day with Richard.  We worked on his schedule for school.  Our family situation has caused him to fall a bit behind but he takes it in stride.  He is now looking at taking the physics series 1, 2, and 3 because he thought it would be fun and interesting and it will all fit in just right.

After this we took apart baskets of live plants that we have been sent and potted all of the plants.  There were a lot of plants to pot.  We first went out and bought pots without realizing how many we had so we had to go out pot shopping again.  I sure enjoyed my time with him.  I hope for many more like this.  I’m sure Kathryn was pleased that we had a nice day together.  I even weeded part of the yard.  I’m going to miss him when he goes back to Bellingham.

Scott took care of some Kathryn’s legal deals yesterday and I will do the same today.  These are not fun to do but they need to get done.  The house is still a total mess but that will get taken care of in time.  I want to make sure I put together a trunk of memories. Not too big but one that will allow us to have a place to go to remember Kathryn.  I also will need to find a place for her artwork.  I will have a great deal of rearranging to do and probably some painting too.  Richard commented on how you can really see the dirt on the walls where the pictures were removed. 

Some day I will see my sweet pea again.  I pray to God that he returns her to me but I know that is probably not going to happen.  I will be very honest in saying that I’m still mad that she was taken away.  God was supposed to heal her not take her.  I feel very lost without her.  Sometimes I don’t know how to begin my day.  And last night I kept waking up.  Every three hours I woke with songs playing in my head.  I just decided to get up and write.  Maybe I can get some more sleep on the couch.

Have a good day.

From Dad

I just wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciated you coming and sharing Kathryn's Celebration with us. To see the abundance of people who were there to honor and remember her
was wonderful. You were all so important to her whether you knew it or not.
Kathryn"Panda" my daughter will always be my Hero and an inspiration to me.  I will not dwell on her loss as we will carry her legacy forward to help other children, parents and caretakers cope with cancer.
  Team Bradley will continue to heal knowing our missing member is but a thought away and guiding
us as we continue without her.
Thank you again for being apart of Kathryn's and our family's life.
  If anyone took pictures or has anything personal to share please send them to Carol  at cab82461@yahoo.com

2-26 & 2-27 am

The next day 2-26-12 and the following morning 2-27-12

I hadn’t written the blog because the computer I would normally use was being used to make CD’s and DVD’s of the service and slide show. This will all be so nice to have. We owe BIG thanks to Dash for all of his work on this. Our neighbor also video taped the whole thing so that we be wonderful to have too. If you never got a chance to fill out a blue paper form the table and still would like to write a memory or anything about Kathryn you can still do it. You could send it to me and I will get it in the book. We read through all of them yesterday and it was so nice to hear what people had to say. She truly loved everyone and they loved her back.
That last sentence really makes me think. Kathryn was always so happy. Because she loved with all of her heart. Because she was sincere and honest. Because she was kind. Because she found the good in people and made people feel good about themselves she was happy in return. Her happiness was generated from our happiness. The more she gave the more she received. There was a little song that we would sing when I was a little girl with words like this. Love is something if you give it away – it’s just like a shinny penny hold it tight and you won’t have any but spend it lend it and you’ll have so many they will roll all over the floor. So, if you give your love away you will have so much it will be spilling all over. This is how Kathryn lived and shy she was so happy. How can you not be happy when you are receiving love form so many people. It was evident that you all loved her very much.
I made out some thank you cards yesterday. It was challenging to write some of them. The tears poured out and ran down my face. I had some moments where I was really mad at God yesterday morning. I will probably continue to be mad at him. Any how I won’t dwell on that. I need to get busy and get my house back in order. I’m going to make a memory trunk of Kathryn’s things. Some of the things I just don’t know what to do with it all but it will come to me. I will just be patient. I also don’t know what to do with her room. For now it will stay Christmas. But later do I take it down and then next year do I decorate it for Christmas again? I just don’t know. Her ashes are sitting there in the middle of her dresser with the lei around them. We are having our friend make an urn and also going to spread some of her ashes at Camp Goodtimes.
We have received many generous donations for Camp Goodtimes. This is so fantastic. Our plan is to take all of the donations and some of her life insurance money and build a trust or foundation or whatever it is called to have a perpetual donation every year in her honor. This way she will live on. Panda will always be part of camp. Her spirit will always be there. We can do some other things too. I know she received scholarships from the pediatric brain tumor foundation. A thousand dollars a year. We could give back a thousand dollars a year to help another boy or girl like Kathryn. That would be two good places to invest in. Kathryn wanted to help kids with cancer and this would be helping in two different ways.
Today I will be helping Richard reorganize his school schedule. He had everything all figured out and then he had to put his life on hold for a bit. He had to reorganize a couple of times now. I know he would have it no other way. Kathryn was everything to him. She was so important to all of us. I still pray for God to give her back. I thought I would stop after the service but can’t. Everything makes me think of her. Everything I do, everything I see, every smell and sound. If I go somewhere it makes me think of her. While shopping for my dress I needed her to be there and she wasn’t. I still seems like a bad dream. It doesn’t seem real at all. In my heart I’m still feeling like she will be coming home.
It is a beautiful day and I shouldn’t be wasting it on sorrow. So I will suck it up and get on with the day.

The Service 2-25-12

The Service 2-25-12

Wow! This was an amazing day. When I realized that the entire sanctuary was full and the chairs in the entry way were all full I had to think about how we are truly blessed with so many special people in our lives. And when I looked out from the front of the church as I was about to speak I could see that the balcony was full and people were standing around the perimeter of the room. So many wonderful people and I didn’t get a chance to talk to everyone. If I didn’t get to talk to you know that I appreciated you being there and would have wanted to hug you.

Everyone got the memo. That was the memo that said not to wear black. Aloha shirts and dresses were perfect. A couple of people even wore their t-shirts from the CAKE team or one they purchased from Kathryn’s senior project. What a great way to honor her. Some of the camp crew wore their name tags. Also a nice touch. You all looked amazing.

The music was so beautiful Jan and Bill. I knew you would do a wonderful job. And the bagpipes were perfect for leading the luminaria walk. Kathryn always loved the luminaria ceremony at the Relay for Life. Bruce Corns did such a perfect job on the bagpipes. Many of us were brought to tears at this point. That was my breaking point.

Thank two speakers Mooselips and Beef spoke so highly of Kathryn. Thank you for your words that helped others get to know Kathryn more deeply. She was a sincere person and so true to herself. Thanks for the photos Mooselips. I will build a large memory box and in it I will store add your photos and video. When I feel I need to se her I will be able to. When I need to hear her voice I will just turn it on and listen. Of course I want to thank both of you for the camp style call outs. Kathryn would have loved this as you well know. Camp was her favorite place on this Earth.

Pastor Shaw your sermon was perfect. I loved how you read the Obituary. You emphasized all the words in all the right places. Speaking of Narnia was so Kathryn. She loved those books/movies. Oh she is here right now looking over my shoulder as I write. I’m so glad that you were able to get a glimps of Camp Goodtimes. This camp has done so much good for so many people. It really gave Kathryn and Richard a life without cancer.

Speaking of the luminarias – They were all so unique and made with such love. Of course we kept them all and are planning on going through all of them tomorrow. Thank you! I thought we were maybe going to have 20 but that number was passed up very quickly. Several people from the American Cancer Society helped with all the luminarias. Thank you for getting them all out there and lit. The ACS family of ours has been so helpful and loving.

The food and flowers were fabulous. Our friends of Joe Seppi’s provided delicious pasta and bread. The church did drinks, two beautiful cakes, a Ceaser salad, Mac and cheese, beef and turkey. Friends and family brought desserts, salads, some chicken wings, fried rice and flowers. We had plenty of food and all of the flowers were wonderful.

Our church people who helped us put this all together did perfect job. They worked so hard to set up and then serve food and finally clean up. It was absolutely perfect. The programs were beautiful Judy. I really loved your extra little touches. Richard’s design on the front of the programs was perfect. The tri fold brochure was so well done. Thank you Keith and Melissa for those beautiful tri-folds that put Kathryn’s writings on paper for us all to share. The photos were great!

So, the forecast for today was rain and snow and just terrible weather. But, as the service started the sun came out and stayed with us through the entire afternoon. Then a beam of light came in and set a glow so beautiful on the Hawaiian flowers in the front of the church. It made for a awesome photo. Kathryn was shining down on us just like she did the day she passed away.

Like I mentioned earlier when the bagpipes played I really lost it. The sound triggered my brain to realize that this was the end. I cried pretty hard for a few moments. Was the end of the service the final end? It felt like it . This was our last tribute to Kathryn – her last day and the bagpipes also signaled that it was over. My hope for her to come running down the isle to me was now something that wasn’t going to be. As I thought about this being the end I thought how it really isn’t the end at all. Her legacy will go on forever.

We also received a wonderful letter from one of her professors at Western. In this letter she shared how amazed she was by Kathryn. She uses Kathryn as an example. She will continue to use Kathryn’s story as an example. This will be one more way to keep the memory of Kathryn alive.

We wanted to thank you all for sharing the day with us. It is perfect in every way. Seeing every one made us feel so loved. Thank you for sharing our sorrow and our joy. Thank you for loving our wonderful little girl.

Remember that the dash is the important part of your life. It is how you lived. The glass should always be half full. The minutes and seconds should not be wasted on anger or sorrow. We should sincerely love one another. Live life like there is not tomorrow. Laugh every day and Love. The greatest word is love.

Good Night.

All set for the Service 2-24-12

All Set for the Service 2-24-12
We worked real hard today at the church setting up. Without friends and family to help nothing would have gotten done. The tables look beautiful, the luminarias are so great, and the displays are fabulous. Please take time to look through the displays and the luminarias. Kathryn did a lot in her life and most of it is there.
I was very strong during the day because I was so focused and busy. But once I left the church I broke down and cried as I drove home. It just hit me that life was about to change. Well it has but it is going to be real. Tomorrow will finalize it all. I want tomorrow to be perfect because it is the last tribute I can make to Kathryn. Pray that all of the words I speak tomorrow come out just right. I will suck it up as I saw Kathryn do so many times and speak without crying. Well, I may start off crying but I will pull it together and do my part.
I will see you all tomorrow.
Thank you everyone for all of your love and support. Those of you how have helped with the service I thank you so much. Those who are bringing food, Flowers , or made luminarias I thank you. Thank you to all of the church members for your help and devotion. I can’t say thank you enough for all of the help, love and support.
Carol

Dress Found 2-23-12

Dress found 2-23-12

While I stayed home and finished gather things for the memorial or celebration Scott and Richard went car shopping. We told Richard he could sell Kathryn’s car and his and use the money to buy a decent car for himself. He found a beautiful GTI Volks Wagon 2003. It is in very good condition and drives great. Kathryn would be very happy to know that her car is being used to help Richard get the car that he always wanted.

In the morning I had told Richard that I had a wonderful dream about Kathryn. It was so real and I was hugging her. Her smile was so bright and vivid. I felt so good. He said he has had dreams every night about her. His dreams are all over the place. I think I haven’t had very many because of the sleeping pill I take. It is one that makes your brain calm down and stop thinking so you can go to sleep. I don’t dream much when taking this. I was so happy to have such a wonderful dream that felt so real and so good. I was also glad to hear that Richard is dreaming about Kathryn. They were an amazing pair. They drew strength and love from each other. They would have done anything for each other. Richard’s care and compassion for Kathryn was truly remarkable.

In the afternoon yesterday I went shopping. I found a dress right a way. I bought it in two colors and the one chosen to wear was due to Kathryn’s love of the colors in it. You will understand when you see it.

Today we are setting up at the church. It will be a busy day. We are fortunate to be able to set up early like this.

Take Care

Display boards done 2-22-12

Display boards done 2-22-12

A friend of mine came over today and helped me set up the display boards with photos. It took a long time. First we sorted through all of the photos to get them in order. Then we placed them on the boards. Looks real good! I only have a little bit left to organize and it will all be ready to go.

Richard will complete the slide show and music piece tomorrow. I hope to get out to find something to wear. Needs to be bright and cheery. I have something but I would like something new.

A couple of good friends of Kathryn’s stopped by tonight. They brought flowers and a beautiful memory book that they had put together. It is a wonderful treasure we will have forever.

Our little friend Rowan who was in Houston for treatment with us is doing very well. Her tumor seems to be dying and not growing. This is so wonderful. Keep praying for her. She is only 3 years old. The treatment is working but it is not easy. No sickness like chemo but frequent urination that keeps her and her family from getting any sleep. Also, her port is having issues. Sometimes ports clog up. So pray that they figure out a way to get some sleep and that her port continues to work properly.

Kathryn has been here. I keep smelling that sweet smell. I thought at one time it was the lilies in the house but I smell that smell in the car, at the store and other places too. People keep telling me she will always be here watching over me. Well, she is. I hope she keeps sticking around. I still wish she were here but I will take that sweet smell for now until I see her in heaven.

Good Night Everyone!

SERVICE INFORMATION
1.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
2.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

Moving Along 2-21-12

Moving Along – 2-21-12

Moving along with getting things together for the service. Did a little shopping and organizing of Kathryn’s life. Found some poems that she wrote and one really hit me hard. She wrote one for each of us and mine said in it that my biggest fear was losing a loved one. She knew me well. I never wanted a day like February 2nd to come my way. To lose Kathryn is so so hard. However I can remember how very peaceful is was too. She died right next to me. I held her little hand and kissed her. We all told her we loved her. She didn’t suffer. She just went to sleep.

Today Scott asked me about that smell that I smell which tells me she is near. I started to smell it a couple of days before she passed away. Scott said maybe she was already out of her body. Maybe her spirit was already released. It could be because she became nonresponsive about the time I started smelling that sweet smell. It could be that she was trying to leave and just going back and forth for a couple of days. I had asked her to tell Jesus that she didn’t want to go. But maybe heaven was so beautiful and the feeling so wonderful that she just had to go.

Today I also spoke to my sister-in-law about how fortunate we were. We had a normal healthy Kathryn for many years. She had a wonderful life full of fun and good times. She had family and friends who adored her and loved her so much. I had so many good times with her as did so many other people. I don’t think anyone can think of a bad moment with Kathryn. They were all good.

Life is what you make it! A quote Kathryn had written down. It is what you make it. Nobody has control of your feelings but you. Nobody makes decisions for you. You are in charge of your own life and what makes you happy. Please don’t expect others to make you happy or things to make you happy. Your happiness lies within your own heart. She also wrote that you can’t lose happiness when you share it. Sharing your happiness with others only gives you more. Wise beyond her years. That was said today too. She was very wise and knew how to live every moment in a meaningful way. Meaningful and positive. She said that cancer gave her this ability to live her life with the glass always half full. She wore that smile because she wasn’t going to waste a second being unhappy. That reminds me of a time when a boy had broken up with her. I had never seen her sad like this. She said, “He took away my happiness.” I told her, “No, Nobody can take away your happiness. You may be hurting now but he could not and did not take away your happiness.” I remember this like it was yesterday. This sad time didn’t last very long as she sprang right back and found her happiness. Even being told she only had a few months to live didn’t knock her down. We still found joy, happiness and laughter. We kept things light and didn’t dwell on the negative. We focused on hope. We had hope for a cure and never let go of our hope.

So, make your life what you want it to be and share your happiness with as many people as you can. Nobody can take your happiness but you can certainly share it.

Good Night

SERVICE INFORMATION
1.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
2.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

Photos Done 2-20-12

Photos Done 2-20-12

First I finally finished finding photos. 21 years worth of photos. I put in the order finally. I should have plenty to display once I have them all. I hope all of this comes together. The days seem like they are going by pretty fast. I feel now that I have ordered the photos I can organize the rest which shouldn’t take too long. Everything is in one place. I still couldn’t find a couple of things. I’m sure they are here somewhere but just not showing up just yet.

I always wondered what it would be like if someone passed away in my house. I had two different neighbors pass away in their homes a couple of years ago. I always wondered how the people who remained could walk by the room that the person passes away in. How would they feel? Would it haunt them? Would they be able to change the image they saw? Or would it remain and remind them everyday that their loved one was no longer there? As I would walk by these houses these questions would come to mind. Now I’m the one. I’m the one that people are wondering about. They are wondering how it must feel to go into Kathryn’s room. How do I walk by all the photos and all of the things Kathryn has made? I guess we just do it.

Scott and I went out for lunch today just to get out of the house. Our house is consumed with stuff. It is so disorganized right now that I might just go crazy. I like things in their place and it seems like there is stuff everywhere.

Today my friend reminded me of what Kathryn said, “Every minute spent upset is 60 seconds wasted.” I should not be wasting my time on sorrow or being upset. I have no control over the situation. There was nothing I could have done differently to make things turn out differently. I need to live and not wallow in sorrow. I need to listen to Kathryn.

Take care and good night.

SERVICE INFORMATION
1.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
2.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

Ashes 2-19-12

Ashes 2-19-12

I guess I didn’t write yesterday because I just could find the words to express myself. Scott picked up Kathryn’s ashes yesterday (Saturday 2-18). They had called before we went to the cabin. Scott said she sat on the front seat with him like she always did. It was hard for him to pick this package up. It is hard to look at it and think this is our daughter. This is what we have left of her. She was so much more than this. She was love, laughter and life. She filled our home and rounded out our family. She was part of our lives and now she is a box of ashes. They wrapped the box and but it in a beautiful blue velvet bag. I still have a hard time looking at it.

Once this was all done I thought about how stupid we were to let this chance to help others go. Why didn’t we ask to have her tumor removed and examined? Why? The only way to figure this beast out is to know what it does. We missed an opportunity to give some insight into how this tumor changes to make treatment impossible. For this I am angry and sad. I would have liked to have had the chance for a biopsy of her tumor so it could have been compared to the one found in 2010. How did this one differ? How did it change in such a way to take Kathryn’s life? I regret not thinking about this before the 13th. Maybe we could have saved lives. Maybe we could have found some answers for the next person. I’m really upset that I thought about this too late.

Richard is still at the cabin. Or should I say the bunkhouse. We turned the garage into a second living space. He loves it. I was concerned about him being there alone tonight but he has a friend with him. He’s going to try telemark skiing tomorrow. I’m glad he got away and is doing something he enjoys. Kathryn would be happy that he is skiing too. He had put his whole life on hold and will soon get back to school. I’m glad he is taking the time to enjoy himself and just get away.

Sleep is a weird thing. I take a pill that gets me to sleep but if I wake up I can’t get back to sleep. I lay there with thoughts of Kathryn. Or I have songs playing in my head that make me think of her. It just goes and goes until I finally get up. If it is too early I take another pill so I can turn off the thoughts and go back to sleep.

The shower and getting ready in the morning is another difficult part of the day. It’s a time where others aren’t around and it gives my brain time to think. Unfortunately the thinking is about Kathryn. It is not just fond memories but the thoughts about how life will be different. How I will not have her here with me. Who will help me decorate the house? Who will I do projects with? Who will go shopping with me? Who will go to coffee with me? Who will invite me in for lunch when I work in the yard? Last night we went to Apple Bees for dinner, I couldn’t help but think, “If Kathryn were here we would be going into Payless Shoes right now instead of heading straight home.” The lights were on and she and I would have had to stop even if to just look.

Scott found some video. I didn’t think we had any at all. It isn’t much but I am glad we have something. Her sweet little voice was good to hear. We’re still looking through some more. My goodness. It is so good to here her voice. If you have video you need to use it. You just never know when you will want to hear someone’s voice again.

Good Night

SERVICE INFORMATION
1.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
2.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

Out of Town 2-17-12

Days Out of Town 2-17-12

We went to our cabin in Packwood Wednesday night so we could ski with Richard. I so love spending time with him. He is the best son a parent could ever have. We skied all day on Thursday together with no lines and hardly anyone on the slopes. It was almost like we owned the mountain. The snow was good and the company even better. I hated leaving this morning.

On our way home we listened to the book on tape “Heaven is For Real”. Yes, it brings comfort to know that there definitely is a Heaven and Kathryn will be there waiting for me (If I get in). But it also raises questions. Why did this boy get to come back to his parents and not my Kathryn? Why did they say that he was brought back because of the people praying for him and Kathryn didn’t get to come back. Kathryn had thousands of people praying for her. I just have these questions and they will never be answered until I die. I guess I don’t understand why someone so good for this earth should be taken from it. She was helping people be better people. She was willing to serve others. It is difficult to understand why someone so good should perish. Besides, I’m selfish and miss Kathryn. So, I want nothing more than to have her back. At this time it still feels unreal. I know I have said this before but I still feel this way. Still thinking I will see her again as she comes home from a friends or college. Maybe I’m in denial. Maybe I just don’t want it to be real.

I hadn’t written for a couple of days because we don’t have internet at the cabin. It is free of TV and cable.


SERVICE INFORMATION
1.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
2.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes West. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place. You can bring donations to the service or mail to the:
American Cancer Society
2120 1st Ave. N.
Seattle, WA 98109

6.) Flowers may also be sent to the church the day before the service if you wish to do so.

Valentine's Day 2012

Valentine’s Day 2-14-12

My little love Kathryn wasn’t here to give a card to or to get a card from. She really wasn’t much into Valentine’s day because she thought you shouldn’t need a special day to let those people you love know it. But we would still exchange cards or gifts. I didn’t need a special day to know that she loved me. I’m sure she knew we all loved her too.

On this day we spent an hour or so at a friends house looking at containers he has made. This container would be for her ashes. I think she would feel honored to have an urn made by an artist and family friend. This is a difficult decision to make. It will be the permanent place for Kathryn. At least most of her. We will also spread some of her ashes.

We also spent a couple of hours at the church. I’m glad I didn’t wait until next week since there were many questions that I hadn’t answered.

Richard put together the cover for the bulletin for the service. He will head up to the mountain early in the morning to ski. This will be good for him. We may go up too for a couple of days.

Hope you all have a loving Valentine’s Day


SERVICE INFORMATION
1.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
2.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes West. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place. You can bring donations to the service or mail to the:
American Cancer Society
2120 1st Ave. N.
Seattle, WA 98109

6.) Flowers may also be sent to the church the day before the service if you wish to do so.

Cremation 2-13-12

Cremation 2-13-12

Today Scott and My Mom Ann went to see Kathryn for the last time. It was tough but I am glad we did it. We said our final good byes and picked up her jewelry and name tag. We followed the funeral car to the crematorium but didn’t go in. I thought this would make it more real but I still keep feeling like she will be coming home. It’s like she is out at someone’s house or at college. I still can’t believe that she is not here.

I went through a ton of photos today. I want the best for Kathryn on the 25th. It is fun going through photos. Richard and Kathryn have enjoyed going through the photo albums all the time. As people would come to visit Kathryn they would look through the ones I had on the coffee table. I’m so glad I have made these albums. I love looking back on all of the times we shared together.

Tomorrow we will go to the church and plan the service. We will also go to an old family friend of ours. Reed is an artist and his family has known Scott’s family since Scott was a baby. Reed does pottery and Scott thought it would be nice to have him make the urn for Kathryn. She was an artist so she would appreciate this.

A friend of mine shared the blog I wrote about Kathryn’s list of things that makes her happy. She shared it with a group of girls (teens) who have all started their own lists. Being happy with little things and being able to laugh every day is so important. I’m glad to know that what I share about Kathryn is helping others in a positive way. I have other people say they are making changes in their lives because of what I have written about Kathryn. This makes me happy. It’s good to know that something so painful can have good things come from it.

Good Night – Say a prayer for little Rowan. She is the 3 year old girl who was at the clinic in Houston the same time as us. She is doing well with not tumor growth. Her tumor is a brainstem glioma. This is a very serious brain tumor and no surgery possible. It sounds like the treatment is working for her but keep her in your prayers. She is absolutely adorable and the only child of Chuck and Rebecca. I pray that this treatment destroys the tumor and gives Rowan a life that is cancer free.

SERVICE INFORMATION
1.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
2.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes West. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place. You can bring donations to the service or mail to the:
American Cancer Society
2120 1st Ave. N.
Seattle, WA 98109

6.) Flowers may also be sent to the church the day before the service if you wish to do so.

Go Kart Fundraiser 2-12-12

Go Kart Fundraiser 2-12-12

Today we went to Sykart and go kart place in Tukwila. The Alpha Romeo Car Club was putting on a race with 10 teams. It was an annual fun day turned into a fundraiser for our family. Local companies donated t-shirts, trophies, food, drinks, prizes, auction items, cash and a beautiful banner. Some of these people don’t even know our family and yet they gladly gave. Our community, friends, family and strangers have come together to take care of our family. It is a wonderful feeling to have so many people care. Our pain is deep but the love we have been shown helps ease the pain. Knowing that we have been given time to grieve and not have to worry so about financial stuff helps take away some of the stress. We are so appreciative to all of the people who have helped us. Thank you!

Tomorrow will be Kathryn’s cremation. This will be the hardest day yet. As this will be the final day that her body is on this earth. Even though I know her spirit left her body some time ago, it will still be difficult. It makes this all final. Her spirit has been with me. I know this because I continue to smell that sweet smell. I hope I smell it every day of my life. It comforts me.

Take Care and Good Night

SERVICE INFORMATION
1.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
2.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes West. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place. You can bring donations to the service or mail to the:
American Cancer Society
2120 1st Ave. N.
Seattle, WA 98109

6.) Flowers may also be sent to the church the day before the service if you wish to do so.

Kathryn's Viewing 2-11-12

Viewing 2-11-12

Today was Kathryn’s viewing. We didn’t know what to expect. We didn’t know how many people would show up or how long they would stay. We had around 100 people, which amazed us.

It was difficult walking in the room and seeing Kathryn just laying there. She looked just like she did when she fell asleep in her bed for the last time here at home. The most difficult time was leaving. Walking away knowing that this would be the last time that we would ever see her again. It still seems like a bad dream. It still doesn’t feel real. It was tough to leave.

What I realized today is how deeply my little girl touched the hearts of so many people. She had brought so many good times to people with her joy of life. All of the people attending today know that they will never share that incredible smile or the joyful laugh of Kathryn’s again. They know they will miss her enthusiasm for life and her spunky spirit. She will never walk into a room and light it up again. She helped people turn bad moments into good ones. She brought comfort to so many. She changed the lives of everyone she was around for the better. She really loved influencing others to make changes that would better themselves. She did it so naturally too. For these reasons I saw tears and heart broken people.

I keep telling myself, Kathryn would want me to be happy. Kathryn would stand strong and encourage those around her. She would want me to do the same. She would want me to comfort her friends and stay close to them. She would want me to not feel pain but to remember the good times and feel joy. For Kathryn I would do anything including living my life as I know she would want me to.

Please take time to reflect on everyday things that make you happy. We found another list of things that made Kathryn happy. She had well over 600 things on her lists. She was simple and that is why she was so happy. She didn’t have to have designer clothes or fancy things. She just needed friends and family around her.

Wear a smile everyday. Comfort those around you. Chose words that encourage and never cause anyone pain. Give Hugs out generously. A hug is so much better than a handshake. A hug lets people know you care. A hug feels good to give and receive.

We made it through a tough day because of the support we have received from family, friends and even strangers. Yes, even people we don’t know nor have we ever met left a card. It is something when people in the community reach out to people like us who they don’t even know. Thank you!

Good Night and my God Bless you with good times like Kathryn gave all of us.


SERVICE INFORMATION

1.) Viewing is the 11th anytime between 1 and 5 at Mountain View Funeral home in
Lakewood, WA
2.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
3.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes West. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place. You can bring donations to the service or mail to the:
American Cancer Society
2120 1st Ave. N.
Seattle, WA 98109

6.) Flowers may also be sent to the church the day before the service if you wish to do so.

Feb 10, 2012

February 10, 2012

Our neighbor dropped off some beautiful luminarias today. Wow, and she said they are not crafty or creative. They are beautiful!

Not looking forward to tomorrow. It will be difficult to view Kathryn when my head and heart still are telling me it isn’t real. This will make it real. We (Richard and is Girlfriend Katherine) finished the slide show for tomorrow.

I worked on Kathryn’s room and still can’t find some things. I cleaned out under the stairs and still can’t find things. I’ve come across lots of wonderful things that Kathryn has drawn or written. My heart breaks when I read her writings. I also came across a letter I wrote for her in 2007. It was for her to find when I died so she would know how much I loved her.

So, pray for our strength. I will need it for tomorrow. Today was a tough one.

Good Night

SERVICE INFORMATION

1.) Viewing is the 11th anytime between 1 and 5 at Mountain View Funeral home in
Lakewood, WA
2.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
3.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes West. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place. You can bring donations to the service or mail to the:
American Cancer Society
2120 1st Ave. N.
Seattle, WA 98109

Richard's 25th Birthday 2-9-12

Richard’s 25th Birthday 2-9-12

Today we celebrated Richard’s 25th birthday. We went to dinner at Black Angus. Of course we ate way too much but it was really good. Kathryn was there with us because I could smell that sweet smell. When we were home relaxing and watching a movie she was there too. She wanted to be here for Richard’s birthday I’m sure. They always shared this special time. We would celebrate over a week or so usually.
Each would get their special time and then there was the together birthday.

We went through some more things in Kathryn’s room. We read some journal entries and found interesting things. Cody we read about when you asked Kathryn out back in middle school. Remind us to share this with you. I read about how important we were to Kathryn. She was in Europe on the People to People trip and missed us on one phone call. She wrote later that she called and talked to us and it made her day. She also wrote about being home sick. I still remember when she came home and I ran to her as she ran to me and we hugged and cried in the airport. We were both so happy to see each other. What a great feeling it was to have her back home.

I’ve been looking for her school awards and her baptism papers and bonnet. I can’t find these things. I hope I find them before the 25th. If I don’t they will show up some time.

I finalized the obituary and it will run tomorrow, Sunday and the following Sunday. It will be hard to look in the paper on those days.

Here’s a copy for you too. You just won’t have a photo.

Kathryn Margaret Kahiwalani Bradley

Feb 5th 1991 to Feb 2nd 2012

Kathryn was born in Tacoma WA to Scott and Carol Bradley. She is survived by her parents and older brother Richard Bradley. Also survived by her Grandma Ann Heseltine of Eatonville and many aunts, uncles and cousins.

Kathryn was truly a “Gift From Heaven” as is the meaning of her Hawaiian name. She blessed our family from day one. Even as a young child she attracted many friends. She loved school and loved life. When she was diagnosed at 8 with a brain tumor the whole community rallied around our family in support and for that we are very grateful. Her diagnoses was on 3-3-99 and she completed treatment on 5-5-00. Her treatment was surgery, radiation and chemo. Every year we celebrated her no more chemo day of May 5th.

She became involve in cancer related events such as all of the clinic parties for the Mary Bridge Oncology Clinic. She attended Relay for Life as a child for fun. Then she joined a team that was one of her friends and raised money. In 9th grade she decided to start her own team C.A.K.E for Cids against kancer everywhere. She designed t-shirts each year for her team based on the theme of the Relay. When she entered college she was very honored to be asked to join the Relay committee for the WWU Relay for Life. This first year she served on the committee and was asked to also be the survivor speaker. In 2011 she served again on the relay committee. The relay was great and the enthusiasm amazing.

Kathryn also became involved with Camp Goodtimes, which is a camp for kids with cancer and their siblings. She started in 2001 as a camper and later became a staff volunteer. Camp had become a huge part of her life. She had another family her camp family.

As Kathryn went through school she did many projects that were related to cancer. For her senior project she designed t-Shirts that sported cancer themes. She sold the shirts and donated all of the proceeds to the American Cancer Society. She was an excellent student earning many awards and graduated with a 4.0 gpa from S.O.T.A. in Tacoma. This is where she developed her love for drawing. Her studies in college were to become a child life specialist in the area of oncology. She wanted to help kids with cancer.

Kathryn was diagnosed in on April 17th 2010 with a second brain tumor. She had surgery, radiation and chemo. The tumor stayed away until signs started to show again in late September of 2011. As Kathryn learned in October of 2011 that her tumor had returned and that she had a limited time to live she started not to think of herself but to think of others. Her first concern was for her brother. She didn’t want him to feel lost or alone. She wanted to make sure all of her friends and family were able to see her one last time, so she planned a huge Christmas Party. It was fabulous. She wrote our Christmas letter and designed the Christmas card so she could see it and make sure it got out to everyone.

We spent a little over a month in Houston trying gene therapy. Kathryn was not able to ever receive the full treatment. Her little body was already too worn out. She was able to get home have her party and enjoy some time at home. Then she had a seizer while in the hospital for low sodium. That was the turning point. We had many good days but things just never came back. Kathryn made it home with the help of many supportive doctors and nurses from TG ICU. Slowly her little body just stopped working here and there. In the morning of the 2nd she just slowed her breaths until they were gone. She died peacefully with her Dad, Mom, Brother and Grandma by her side. She was never left alone as we promised.

Kathryn was the sunshine of every life she touched. She truly brightened your day with that infectious smile. She probably inspired you to make a positive change in your life. She was the best daughter, wonderful sister, amazing friend and just a terrific person. Her 21 years were short but lived to the very fullest with love and compassion.

1.) Viewing is the 11th anytime between 1 and 5 at Mountain View Funeral home in
Lakewood, WA
2.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens Tacoma Wa (Flowers may be sent here on the 24th )
3.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn
4.) Donations can be given to the Bradleys with checks made out to ACS Camp
Goodtimes West

Kathryn's thoughts on Cancer 2-8-12

Kathryn’s thoughts on Cancer 2-8-12

Today I read some of Kathryn’s essays. Her thoughts about cancer are far different than one would think. I will share her essays at the service. You will then understand her zest for life and how she could always be so positive. She wrote about cancer as a rain storm. You can sit inside and let the rain bother you or you can put on your rain boots, jacket and grab and umbrella and get out. Slash in the rain and sing to the sound of the rain. After the rain storm there is a rainbow. Kathryn expresses it better in her writings. She also expresses how cancer gave to her more than it took. It gave all of us many positive things. Until now I would say it gave us much more than it took because we met so many wonderful people and learned so much about life and how to love and give. However, I do feel it took more now with Kathryn’s passing. She was so big in our lives and the lives of so many people that taking her is bigger than anything cancer ever gave.

Tomorrow is Richard’s 25th birthday. He and Kathryn shared a special day celebrating their birthdays together. We had separate birthdays and we had a family combined birthday. A cake split in two with one side for Kathryn and one side for Richard. They loved blowing out candles together. Always happy to share the day.

Saturday is almost here. This is the viewing day. I have mixed feelings. It will make this more real. Then Monday the 13th is the day she will be cremated. This is the day I will have the hardest time with. This will be the final day of her little body being here on earth. But as we all know our bodies are temporary and life is eternal.

Happy 25th Birthday Richard (Loop)

Working the Photos 2-7-12

Working on Photos February 7, 2012

This is a difficult task but it also brings back so many wonderful memories. We have so many photos. It is a good thing that we have a while to get this all together. We are so lucky to have Mooselips (camp name) helping us too.

I worked on music too. Bill Farmer will be singing at Kathryn’s service. He has a beautiful and strong voice. My piano and choir teacher Jan Larson will play the piano. Bruce Corns who plays the bagpipes at the Tacoma Relay for Life will be playing for Kathryn.

We also worked on food some today as well and how the room will be set up.

Finished the Obituary too. It was hard to finish. Completing it was kind of like completing Kathryn’s life. I think that is why I left it unfinished for a while.

That sweet smell has been here to remind me that Kathryn is here with me. I love it when I smell this sweet smell. It brings me comfort like right now.

We also found some writings of Kathryn’s. She made a list of things that make her happy. Over 500 things were listed. No wonder why she was always so happy. When you have over 500 things that bring you happiness how could you not be happy. I know she didn’t even complete the list because there are many other things that made her happy that weren’t on it.

Richard and I took Princess for a walk at Chambers Bay. It is nice to get out and clear your head. We actually ran into one of the nurses from the ICU. This was Kathryn’s nurse on Christmas Day and she was there when Kathryn had her seizer. She was the one we called out to for help.

We feel very blessed to have all of you surrounding us with love and support.


SERVICE INFORMATION

1.) Viewing is the 11th anytime between 1 and 5 at Mountain View Funeral home in
Lakewood, WA
2.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
3.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided. So, salads and desserts are needed.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes West. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place. You can bring donations to the service or mail to the:
American Cancer Society
2120 1st Ave. N.
Seattle, WA 98109

Planning the Celebration 2-6-12

Planning the Celebration 2-6-12

Today started out slow since I found it hard to sleep. We did work on photos and got all the way through Kathryn’s first year of life. It is hard to pick just a few since she wore that beautiful smile all of the time. Too many cute pictures.

Maybe tomorrow we will get through more than one year. We need to pick up the pace.

Then I started the obituary. I did it without tears since it feels like I have written this a few times. I have and I guess that made it easier. I just couldn’t finish.

We have felt and out pouring of love from all of you. I can’t thank you enough.

We will be setting up a Panda Fund for Camp Goodtimes West and this is where you can donate if you chose to.

SERVICE INFORMATION

1.) Viewing is the 11th anytime between 1 and 5 at Mountain View Funeral home in
Lakewood, WA
2.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
3.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes West. Bring checks to the service or mail to our home. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place.

Much love,
The Bradley Team

Kathryn's Birthday Celebration 2-5-12

Kathryn’s Birthday Celebration 2-5-12

What a beautiful day to celebrate a beautiful person’s 21st birthday.

1.) We started by doing some house cleaning as Kathryn and I would always do before a party.

2.) Went on a nice bike ride with all of the kids.

2b.) A friend that we haven't seen for a while came by today with a wonderful idea. She is a pastry chef and is going to get several local bakeries to join in a create special pastries to be sold in their bakeries and places like Star Bucks. Then part of the proceeds form these items will be donated to Camp Goodtimes in honor of Kathryn (Panda). She brought by these amazing panda cookies today. They were delicious!

3.) We decorated with balloons. We really should have done more but I think in our situation Kathryn would understand. Next year we will go all out.

4.) Made bacon and turkey bacon for dinner to go with our pancakes.

5.) We all took turn making pancakes of different shapes in honor of Kathryn. We had a unicorn, cats, pandas, a rainbow, flowers, and other shapes. Kathryn would have loved this. She would have loved watching each person make a pancake or two or three. She would have been in there making them and showing us all up with her creativity yet cheering each and every one of us on. Kathryn loved to have pancakes for dinner. She loved to have pancakes in shapes (like the clouds on the ceiling of her bedroom).

6.) We made Tequila Sunrises in her honor.

7.) We said a little prayer while holding hands in a big circle.

8.) We then sat down in the dining room with the fine china and ate all of those fabulous pancakes. We also had mandarin oranges another favorite of Kathryn’s.

9.) Then we burned our Christmas tree in pieces in the bond fire. Before the fire was lit we sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KATHRYN. As we sat around the fire we shared special stories or moments we had with Kathryn. It brought on a few tears but we also laughed and remembered the joy she brought to all to us.

10.) Then in true Bradley tradition we set off a bunch of beautiful fireworks for Kathryn. You know the big, Bright beautiful ones that go way up in the sky. Our neighbors commented on how beautiful they were.

11.) We came in to warm back up and have dessert and continued to share stories. We even watched a short little video of her playing with the Norwall and Unicorn she has. I believe her math teacher at SOTA bought them for her as a pair. This video is from just last year.

It was a wonderful night. Kathryn would have loved each and every moment. I just wish she were really here in person to have shared such a special night with all of us. It was perfect in every way with the only flaw being her absence.
Happy 21st Birthday Kathryn Margaret Kahiwalani Bradley (Panda)

We love you so much!

Remember all of the info for the service was in the last blog.

Happy 21st Birthday Kathryn

Kathryn’s 21st Birthday 2/5/12

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY Kathryn!!!

Today is Kathryn’s 21st birthday. It is a beautiful day just like she would have wanted. She would not have been happy about Super Bowl being on her birthday at all. This was the year of special birthdays with Mom just turning 50 in August, Kathryn turning 21 today and Richard turning 25 (a quarter of a century) on the 9th. I was looking forward to celebrating Kathryn’s and Richard’s birthdays with great enthusiasm this year in particular.

Tonight we will celebrate Kathryn’s birthday with a few of her favorite things. We will have a pancake dinner. Of course the pancakes will be made into shapes like kitties and pandas. Candles for Kathryn’s pancakes. We will then have a bond fire in our back yard followed up by fireworks. We have fireworks for very special days like this. We will have just a few friends and family.

During Kathryn’s life she has done so much. I read the messages and how she inspired so many people. I think her inspiration came from the fact that she believed in you. She would tell you that you could do something that you yourself didn’t think you could. “I have faith in you.” I bet many of you heard those words. She did have faith in people. I don’t sew but she had faith in me to make prom dresses for her. She even wanted me to make her wedding dress for her. “I have faith in you Mom.” She did and I would make the dresses. I just wish I were still going to make that wedding dress.

SERVICE INFORMATION

1.) Viewing is the 11th anytime between 1 and 5 at Mountain View Funeral home in
Lakewood, WA
2.) The Service and Celebration of Life is on the 25th at Noon at Emmanuel Lutheran
Church 1315 North Stevens
3.) Don’t wear black – Bright and Vibrant just like Kathryn

What Can You Do
1.) If you know what a Luminaria is please make a beautiful one for Kathryn and mail it to our home prior to the service. We will be using them in the service. Address: 6711 71st St Ct W Lakewood, WA 98499

2.) If you don’t know what a Luminaria is you can bring a vase of flowers for the tables – but make sure it has a bright bow around the vase. Let Carol (Mom) know if you are bringing a vase of flowers so we can keep track of how many.

3.) If you would like to bring food to the Celebration of Life just let Carol (Mom) know that too. We will have main items already provided.

Carol’s email: cab82461@yahoo.com

4.) Bring your stories and smiles. Bring your happiness!

5.) I know some people like to give Money. If you would like to do this you may make a check out to Camp Goodtimes. Kathryn would be so happy to know that people are donating on her behalf to her favorite place.

Yesterday I spoke at the Kick Off for the Fife/Milton/Edgewood Relay for Life.
I had taken on Kathryn’s strength some how. I spoke without too many tears. I spoke of Kathryn’s love and devotion to Relay and Camp Goodtimes. Her photo was up on the screen behind me with that huge captivating smile. Maybe this is what gave me the strength. Usually Kathryn spoke without the tears and I would cry like a baby. It was good for me to speak about Kathryn’s passions. It was good to share her enthusiasm and encourage people through her. This is their first Relay and I know they will pull it off and far surpass their fundraising goal.

Tomorrow I will let you know more about the Birthday Party.

Happy Birthday Kathryn!!!

First Night and Full Day without Kathryn 2-3-12

The first night and full day without Kathryn 2-3-12

Another beautiful day but a bit dimmer without Kathryn.

Last night I read one message that really gave me back some faith. A friend of mine Jim said a minister heard from God and he said, “Sometimes I take the cancer from the person and sometimes I take the person from the cancer.” I guess Kathryn was taken from the cancer. It doesn’t make not having her any easier but it does give me a little understanding of why Kathryn is gone from this earth. He took her from a body that had nothing left.

Kathryn really fought. She first lost the use of her right hand. Not completely but enough to take away the ability to draw and write. As an artist this was very difficult for her. At first she tried to get her right hand to work by practicing. She finally compensated by working a little slower and using her left hand. She made my birthday cake that way. She painted a beautiful ski picture for Richard with her left hand. And for those of you who were at my birthday party remember the place we took pictures at, well that back drop was made by Kathryn, too. Then came the inability to walk straight. She fought this too. She finally did allow us to be an arm for her. But not all of the time. While in Houston she would shortly before we were going to leave she would practice the stairs. We would walk up and take the elevator down or take the elevator up and walk down. She was getting ready for home. When we were leaving Houston she got on and off the moving sidewalks in the airport all by herself. She wanted to be independent. At home she would walk around the circle downstairs by herself to practice and get stronger. When her vision became double she would close one eye to compensate. If she closed one eye she could see better. She started to have trouble with her swallow and she found different ways to drink (with the help of Dad). She would eat slower and chew more. She choked a couple of times. She never complained about any of these things. She just worked harder to get by her obstacles. When she lost her ability to talk she used the computer or she would write or use sign language. Finally each one of those became too difficult to do too. Communications became a simple head nod or smile or hand squeeze. Then this all faded and her digestive stopped working right. By this time she just didn’t have enough to fight back with. Then her little breaths became small and her little heart stopped beating. She just fell asleep. She fought more than any of us could ever do and without complaining or crying. She was protecting us too. She didn’t want us to be sad or hurt.

I’m still in shock and waiting for her to come home. Waiting to see that beautiful bright smile. Waiting her hear, “I love you.” She told me often that she loved me and I’m so glad she did.

While we were sitting in the family room last night we thought we heard a car door around 8:30 or 9:00. My friend from school had stopped by and she bought a gift. A Bradley team ring. It has four hearts with little diamonds in them. Four hearts for the complete team.

When it was bed time I found it difficult to go to sleep. After sleeping with Kathryn since late October with the room lit enough to see her face the darkness of my bedroom started to give me a panic attack. It was so weird to be in my room and in the dark. I have been watching Kathryn at night for so long that it seemed the natural thing. I finally took a sleep aid and fell asleep for a couple of hours only to get up and take another for a few more hours of sleep. Also sleeping with Kathryn's baby blanket that she took everywhere gave me comfort.

Today we will chose the clothes for Kathryn’s viewing. The last time I did this it was for my Grandma Peggy. I was 14 and went through her closet. I found the outfit that reminded me of her the most. A top with brown, yellow, and orange and brown slacks. Her gold earrings and simple gold chains. Her glasses trimmed in gold and her gold watch. I can still picture her. I can still feel the comfort Pastor Feoge gave me. I think I left mascara on his robe. He is still comforting our family. So, now how do I chose the clothes for Kathryn. A beautiful outfit or a fun outfit? At breakfast we decided. An outfit with her Panda name tag. Something fun and spirited just like her.

We did our planning at the funeral home. The viewing will be from 1 – 5 on the 11th at Mountain View Funeral Home 4100 Steilacoom Blvd. SW Lakewood, WA 98499-4012. The service will be at noon on the 25th with a reception following at Emmanuel Lutheran Church 1315 North Stevens Tacoma, WA 98406. If you have a special photo of Kathryn that you would like to share with us we would appreciate it.

We had a few friends and Family drop by tonight. It is good to see people and get hugs and feel their love. The food is great, too. Flowers and special gifts have arrived and we thank you.

People say that those who leave this world really don’t. They say you will see signs of them or something. When I would lay in bed with Kathryn I could always smell this sweet smell. A few times today I could smell this same smell. It was the weirdest thing. Maybe Kathryn is watching over me. It would be just like her to make sure I am working on my happiness. She would not want to see me sad but I am. Honestly my life will eventually go on and there will be happiness but I will never get over this great loss. Scott, Richard and I will all stick together more than ever. We will share life and find happy times. We will celebrate times for Kathryn.
Her birthday is Sunday and we need to do something special.

Keep reading and pray for our family to continue to have strength and to find our happiness.

A day without Kathryn 2-2-12

A day without Kathryn 2-2-12

The sun was just starting to come through Kathryn’s window as she quietly went to sleep. I’m so glad it was a beautiful day. We are also happy that she went so very peacefully.

So many of you have written such beautiful things about our precious daughter and sister. I truly appreciate each and every word. Her eyes did sparkle and her smile could light up any heart. She was amazing, happy and full of life. Her life here on Earth is now over but she inspired so many people in so many ways that her life isn’t really over at all. She is here in each and everyone of us. She would want us all to live happy lives. To live each moment as if it were the last. To love one another. To give generously to those less fortunate in any way. She would want us to find the good in each and every day. Our words should include thank you and how wonderful. I thank all of you for sharing with us your love for Kathryn (Panda).

This evening while the sky was still blue and the air crisp the three remaining team members took a walk with Princess. It was nice. Then later we gave a team hug and vowed to stay close and love one another more than ever. This is what Kathryn would want.

As her Mom my heart is broken. I know Scott and Richard fill the same empty hole in their hearts too. But we must remember that Kathryn would be so sad if we didn’t find our happiness. It may take time but we will find it. Our hole will never be filled but we will learn to live even if it is only with half of the spirit Kathryn had. Half of her spirit is huge so that is good.

I will continue to post to keep you updated.
Love, Laugh and Live - We have all heard these three words together. Now take them to heart and really Love, really laugh out loud and live like there is no tomorrow.

Our Angel is gone. 2-2-2012

aOur Angel is gone 2-2-12

Kathryn had a very peaceful sleep last night. Early this morning her breaths became smaller and smaller. With all of us Dad (Scott), Mom (Carol), Brother (Richard) and Grandma Ann by her side she slowly, quietly and peacefully just fell asleep. We didn’t have to use any medications or feel like she was in pain or suffering. She just quietly drifted off to sleep.

We called our neighbor the Lakewood Fire Chief. They arrived within minutes. The medics and fire truck have to come to the house by law. They took a monitor reading, offered to get rid of our sharps container and medications. That was nice that they did that for us. They officially gave the time of death at 9:38 am but we know she really passed at 8:18 am. The police had to come too since they knew we would have had special drugs in the house for her. They do this to announce over the radio that they took them away so if any crazies are listening they will not come to our home and try to get drugs.

We stayed with Kathryn for a while and said our good byes. Finally the funeral home come pick her up around noon. They were very good and allowed us as much time as we needed with her before they took her. They kept her little face visible to us as they wheeled her out. They will clean her up and we will have a viewing. Mountain View Funeral home will be the one doing our arrangements. Kathryn told me that she didn’t want anyone to wear black, “NO BLACK AT MY FUNERAL.” So remember this when you get the notice of the celebration of her wonderful but way too short life.

She was the spirit we all wish we had. She was a young woman but had the enthusiasm and joy for life that is only found in a child. We called her child often. When you think of Disney Land, Christmas, Camp Goodtimes, Glitter, Bond Fires, Movies in the back yard, Star Bucks, and other fun things, think of Kathryn. She loved everyone unconditionally and found good in everyone.

We will all miss her so much. There will always be a big hole that will never be filled. We will be one team member short. She may have been little in size but she was very Big as a team member.

If you can’t post on the blog email Carol at cab82461@yahoo.com

A pleasant day 2-1-12

A Pleasant Day 2-1-12

Today we got the word on sodium immediately. It went up to 177 but that is only 2 points higher where it had climbed 10 points from Monday to Tuesday. So, this is better. We did more IV drip fluids today and continued doing our own fluids. Kathryn should get her 1000ml in today or very close. Maybe we will see the number go down tomorrow. Pray for this!

Nurse Cathy came by today. She said she actually heard some noises in the digestive system. On Monday she heard nothing so this was a good sign. Still her little tummy is big and round. Her tummy will soften up and come down a bit but then gets big and hard all over again.

Carol’s cousin Donna came by with meatloaf and quiche. Her comment says how I’m sure many of us are feeling. Feeling mad and angry. But, there isn’t anything we can do but ask God to heal Kathryn. I’m angry and mad that my baby is suffering. She is in this body watching and listening without the ability to say or do anything. It is like having Lou Garrett’s (sp) disease. It must be very frustrating.

Carol’s friend Robyn came by and brought a red Valentine Balloon.

In between things Richard read Harry Potter and Mom read some Unlikely Friendships. Scott got some yard work done. Scooping poop is always fun stuff. Oh yes, Mom painted Kathryn’s toenails a beautiful sparkly deep blue. Polish from her cousin Emily.

Two friends from Carol’s school came by Sue and Kirk. They brought food, a kissing valentine puppy for Kathryn along with a Pooh Balloon. Sue and Carol use to run together and they would take the dogs so Sue remembered Princess and brought her a toy. When they were leaving Princess was laying in her basket with her toy. Later on she was running around the house with it.

Princess is kind of out of it. She isn’t quiet sure what is going on. The last two days she has climbed up in bed with Kathryn and one of us. She has been Kathryn’s princess since Kathryn was 8. We gave her to Kathryn in the hospital when she had a bad reaction to her chemo. Scott (Dad) brought this tiny little puppy into the hospital in a duffle bag. Kathryn was in bad shape and we got her Princess to give her something to think about. Princess was a reason to get better and get home. She needed to be home to take care of her little puppy. It worked! Once home Kathryn said, “I don’t think I would have ever come home if you didn’t get me Princess.” Wow, we were amazed that our 8 year old would say that.

The day ended with a visit from Matt (Kathryn’s boyfriend). He brought a picture that she had drawn for him a couple of years ago. He also brought a Reindeer made from an old style clothespin that Kathryn made and a picture of them with a group of friends. A good way to end the day.

Keep praying for Kathryn. Pray for her healing and health.
Good Night