While hanging some ornaments they bring back memories. Most of our ornaments have some special meaning. I hung the ones that Scott had bought for Kathryn and myself last year. I couldn’t find the time to get ornaments. We have a picture of Kathryn hanging hers on the tree and that picture comes to mind. She was home form the hospital and the first few days were ok. She came down from her room and took part in life. But after a while she just wanted to stay in her room. That was when reality started to set in. The ballerinas from and Clair ornaments from the Nutcracker that we so enjoyed going to. I didn’t go this year and probably won’t go again. I discovered that a bunch of ornaments were not found. They are mainly Kathryn’s baby ornaments. When I put things away this year I will look for them. I know they are here somewhere. I chose not to put up the Disney ornaments. I bought them years ago and gave a new one to Richard and Kathryn each year. 2010 was the year I finally had unboxed all of them. I just didn’t want to deal with more stuff and then having to take them down.
As Scott and I delivered the Christmas bags to our neighbors we stopped and chatted with each neighbor. At Henry and Lily’s house their daughter was making cut out sugar cookies. We asked if she was making cut out cookies and she replied with, “Of course.” Yes, that would have been my reply too but not this year. Kathryn and I always made the cut out sugar cookies together. Last year she was having a hard time with putting sprinkles on because her hand was not working well. Scott, who is very creative, dumped the sprinkles into a container and had her dip the frosted cookies into the sprinkles. It worked out well and her tears dried up. Maybe I will make cut out cookies some time in the future.
As Christmas Eve rolled around thoughts of the hospital came to mind. We headed to the ER around 11 am and thought we would still make dinner at Johnny’s Dock by 5:30. But her tumor had other plans. It messed with her sodium and all that they did in the hospital did nothing. They took her blood three more times after we had already taken it because they just couldn’t believe that she could possibly be coherent, speaking and able to even walk. Her sodium was now at 113 or 112. She should have been seizing we were told over and over. We were in ICU not because Kathryn was doing poorly but because they feared a seizer. We were planning on going home in the morning (Christmas Morning). We thought by then her sodium would be up to normal as they had pumped massive amounts of sodium into her body but at a slow safe rate. About 18 hours of pumping sodium into her. Well, it hadn’t moved much at all. It was still dangerously low. Scott called family and friends to let them know that we would not be having Christmas dinner at our house. We felt bad. Well, actually I didn’t think about feeling for others at that time. My focus was on Kathryn and only Kathryn. Still having fun and not letting the hospital setting get us down I joined Kathryn in her bed and she shared her Christmas dinner with me. It was pretty good. Shortly after dinner 7:30 pm Kathryn had her seizer. I screamed the nurses name who had just left the room (Bonnie). She came running as did other staffers of the ICU. She was sitting up clutching her little fists and gritting her teeth. Then it stopped. Thank God. But then another one and this time they had to put her on the breathing machine. Oh, this was not good. Still hoping that she would come out of this and still believing that God would heal her. I will stop with this now as the tears are flowing and I need to stop.
Our Christmas Eve was very nice this year. We went to Johnny’s Dock with the same group we would have gone with last year. Well, no Matt this year and the addition of Bee’s Grandma and my Mom and friend Robyn. We sat in the same exact place that we sat in for Christmas Eve 2010. Wow, that was really something. After dinner at Johnny’s we went to our house for dessert and a little bit of gift exchanging.
This year Christmas started out with stockings. My Mom had spent the night. It was nice to have her here. The stockings were all hung by the fireplace. Kathryn’s hung there empty. Usually it would be filled with socks, maybe a piece of jewelry, some makeup and some other little things. I bought mandarin oranges for Christmas morning because Kathryn and Richard both love them. But I forgot to put them out. Princess got her stuff from her stocking and we took pictures of her ripping open the goodies. We had pictures taken and then headed out to open gifts. Richard played Santa as he handed out the gifts. Kathryn enjoyed this job. I think Richard was doing his best to keep this day as normal as possible. It was going well. I thought about how I would normally take a picture of Richard and Kathryn in front of the tree before we open gifts. Not this year. We did take out family picture later in front of the tree. It was a lovely Christmas. We cleaned up our morning mess in preparation for our guests. A delicious dinner and fine conversation. Then we played the gift exchanged game. It was fun. There’s always a few gifts that are worthy of stealing and a couple of gifts that you get stuck with. My Mom had wrapped a tin of clay figures that she and Kathryn had been exchanging for several years. I don’t know who started it but they had fun with it. It will be there next year. I opened it and went through all of the clay pieces to show them to everyone. Richard and Kathryn had made these at my Mom and Dad’s house years and years ago. They sat on the TV for a long time. When my parents moved that is when they went into the tin. That was in the spring of 2008.
We received a beautiful gift from our friend Dennis. It is a picture of Kathryn in a frame that has a saying on it that would really touch your heart. It did make me cry. Scott too. Our nephew also decorated a picture frame with a Panda and bamboo. In the frame was Kathryn with a huge, pointed, sparkly hat on. She is in a store and being silly. Being Kathryn! My friend Robyn gave us a cabinet door that she painted with a panda and Kathryn’s name. It is really done well. She said that it should go on a cabinet that I can keep arts and crafts stuff in for Camp Goodtimes. I didn’t know she could paint so well. She also gave us a bamboo plant.
So, now that Christmas is over I think both Scott and I are feeling the let down. He is not feeling well and I was so lazy yesterday. In the evening we watched a couple of Hallmark Movies about Christmas. They are sweet but also tear jerkers. I feel the depression and would love to go skiing but my knee and hip are still a mess. Scott’s ACL is not completely stable and he is fearful of hurting it again. I’m supposed to go up with Bee tomorrow. I think I will go even if I just ski groomers. At least I will be out of the house. I also need to do a few things at the cabin. And being with Richard will be good for me too.
I thank all of your for reading. Thank you for all of your kind words, love and support. I don’t know how I could make it through each day without the support and love from my friends and family. Thank you so very much.
Love to all of you,