Thinking about last year 11-3-12
On Tuesday night we carved pumpkins. This year it was Scott, me and my friend Robyn here to carve pumpkins. Last year Kathryn was here and two of her friends too. Kathryn had this crazy idea for a pumpkin that none of us could figure out. She gave directions to Matt on how to carve it. He took his directions well and it turned out and her vision was revealed. It was a Spaceship with a beam of light coming down to take away a cat. It was great but difficult for all of us to image ahead of time. We were all amazed at how well it turned out.
Last year on Halloween we headed off for Houston. We were on our way with hope that there would be a way to save our precious daughter. Team Bradley all together to do what ever it took to make this tumor disappear. When we arrived in Houston everything went well until we got on the freeway. Little did we know that the freeway goes around in a big circle. That was so confusion. We stopped for directions and no one knew where we were or how to give directions. That was frustrating. We bought a map and figured out the circle freeway ourselves and headed on our way. The first hotel was terrible and they moved us to two separate rooms so we wouldn’t have to smell stall smoke all night. The next day we moved to a second hotel with one large room and Kitchen. Still not that great. After a week we finally got into a nice place with two bedrooms, a living space and a kitchen. Today (11-3-12) but one year ago would be the day Kathryn and I went in for her MRI, PET Scan and chest X-Ray. We arrived at the clinic at 9:00 and caught a shuttle to the imaging clinic. They really tried to make it easy for people who come from out of town. This took all day and Kathryn had to fast for it. By 3 in the afternoon we were done and she could finally eat something. The imaging clinic had snacks and drinks for us. This was very thoughtful. I also fasted to be on the same lines a Kathryn. I would try to understand what she was feeling and experiencing by doing what she had to do as much as I could possibly do. So when she had to fast I would too. If she got up at night I did too.
I know I talked about this before but the cost was crazy. I was use to an MRI costing $5,500 and here it was only $500. My insurance covered it. I thought the PET scan would be close to $10,000 or more because that is what it would have been at home in Washington but it was $1,100. I had to pay all of the PET scan cost because we couldn’t wait 2 to 3 weeks for Insurance approval. That kind of delay in treatment would have shortened Kathryn’s life by month or more. She probably wouldn’t have made it to her Christmas party. Thank you bureaucracy!
Once we had the scans done we had to play the waiting game. Again it wasn’t because of the clinic; no it was because of the FDA and all of that crap. Maybe the 7 days that we waited could have made the difference in life and death. Kathryn was so on the line. I can’t help but be disappointed in our government for the way they treat this clinic.
So the other day on facebook my friend shared the fact that several of the employees at the Susan G. Komen foundation are making over 6 figures a year. They have also brought lawsuits against several small fundraisers (foundations or companies) for using the phase “for the Cure” in their slogan or even anything close to this phrase. I know this is true because the company I worked for was in one of these lawsuits and we were working with the American Cancer Society and they were in the lawsuit too. We were using the ACS’s slogan “Fighting for a Cure.” with permission from our partner the ACS and Susan G. Komen sued both of us. They had to cover the slogan on my van and I had to get rid of all the t-shirts and such that had the slogan on it. Well, that to me is not working for a common cause. It sounds to me like they are not treating this as a fundraising company for a cure but for a profit for themselves. I have never and will never support a Susan G. Komen event. Yes, the one CEO of the ASC makes a 6 figure salary but that is not 6 or more people making 6 figures. The ASC works with many volunteers and has never sued another foundation or company for a phrase. The ACS praises other companies and foundations for working to raise money for the cure. Also, we would have had to pay $15,000 to participate in the Susan G. Komen event. To set up a booth and give away product for free would have cost our little company $15,000. All of the other events that we did were either free or at the most $500. Wow, What a difference!
Today is November 3rd and I’m really missing Kathryn. I decorated the house for Halloween but I know Kathryn would have been disappointed. I didn’t do enough. I just don’t have it in me to do it all out. Without her here to help me and direct me it just isn’t the same. I’m going to try hard at Christmas time to make it right.
Earlier in the week I had been looking for a box of photos that I need to get into the photo album. I couldn’t find them for the life of me. Then I remembered how the book that I have been reading said to ask for help from the spirit of your loved one. I asked Kathryn to help me find this box and shortly after I did. It was amazing. I wouldn’t have looked there where it was. I know she is here with us. We see signs all of the time. Scott feels her when he goes in her room and talks to her. I have felt her too.
I also talked to someone that said God had taken our loved ones to save them from something. When this woman said this I couldn’t help but think of that terrifying dream I had about Kathryn. In that dream I felt she died a terrible death and was hurt and suffered. She was grabbed by someone and hurt. It was terrible. I’m so thankful her death was peaceful. So maybe God saved her from the evil in this world that would have hurt her and made her suffer. On the news last night there was a Dad who was watching as they put a large photo of his daughter on the side of a semi truck. I could see tears forming in his eyes. His daughter has been missing for two years. The unknown is so hard to take. I feel for him. He has lost his daughter but has no idea of how or if she is still around. Is she safe or being harmed every day? This would be way too hard to deal with.
I also had a dream about Richard and his friend Mitch the other night. I had this dream that they were jumping from platform to platform. The platforms were natural rock platforms hundreds of feet in the air. They were also far apart from each other so jumping from one to the other was extremely dangerous. I only saw it on video in my dream and then confronted the boys about it. I was so scared in my dream because I saw the video and didn’t know right away if they were both safe. I think this dream comes from talking about losing Kathryn and my fear of losing Richard. I would certainly crumble if this happened. He needs to be careful, as I have already told him. In my dream I was really upset that he and Mitch would take such a chance and put their lives in danger like that. I guess I need to talk to both of them before they go on their ski adventure this winter. No out of bounds or cliffs!!!
Well I spent the morning organizing medical papers. There were a lot of them. Passed up the $4,000 mark for claiming on taxes already this year. That was after the $3,000 claimed in flex plan. I forget how much we claimed last year but it was huge. That is all above and beyond what insurance paid. If you ever get sick watch your bills carefully. I received some bills twice even after they were paid. I received bills that were not mine to pay. Question everything so you don’t get ripped off. Make sure your insurance pays what it is supposed to pay. Keep track of appointments. We were even billed one time for an appointment when we weren’t even in town to be at the appointment. If you get home health watch what they deliver because they will over do it. If it is too stressful for you to keep track ask a friend to help out. It can be overwhelming when you or a loved one is very sick and all your attention should be on getting better not having to worry about bills.
Well, I have speech to write about for an event on Thursday night. I better get to it. It is an event to help CEO’s of large companies and other potential supporters of Camp Goodtimes become familiar with camp. It is a mingling event with a speaker, Me.
Love to all of you!