Early in the week (Monday) Scott was up in Kathryn’s room feeding the fish. He always talks to her when he is in her room. When he walked out in the hallway the entry light flickered. He said something to her again and it flickered again. And one last time after he mentioned it to me and said her name. The light has never flickered before and hasn’t flickered since. We always appreciate when we get little signs like this.
I also received a message from a friend who sent an invite to Kathryn by way of Facebook by accident. She really felt bad and apologized. I told her not to be sorry, as I like it when people send messages to Kathryn on her Facebook page. It makes me feel like people still remember and care for her. I check her page once and a while and love it when I find sweet messages from her friends.
On Wednesday I went to the Camp Goodtimes staff appreciation dinner. What a great family this is. I really mean it. The people who give as volunteers to Camp Goodtimes are very special people. Everyone feels loved and appreciated. I always feel loved and welcome by this group. After the dinner and the presentation I met with a couple of people about the Wine Auction, which is a big fundraiser for Camp Goodtimes. I have offered to help out with the auction. The auction is in April but they are having a mingle night for big corporate people. At this event there will be camp people there to mingle with the corporate people to share what camp is all about. I was asked to be the quest speaker for this event, which is November 8th.
I was also asked this past week to speak on the 27th at the Youth Summit for Relay for Life. I had to decline because we will be in California for Rowan’s “Make A Wish” and 4th birthday. This is BIG!
Thursday night we went to the LeMay Museum for a little get together for members of the Auto Club. It was nice. We met some great people and had a good time. This one couple shared about the cool trip they took to Europe and toured with the Audi Group. It was fabulous. We were talking and I told them about our trip last spring. During the talk it came up that our trip was a get away and refresh trip after Kathryn’s passing. Of course they said things like, I just couldn’t imagine, I don’t know what I would do. I thought this too before I lived it. You do go on and must go on.
I remember going to a funeral of a boy who had shot himself in the bathroom at Stadium. I don’t know how I didn’t hear the shot as I always went out the basement door about the same time that he shot himself. His Mom was Kathryn’s preschool teacher. And as she spoke at the funeral she started with a scream. Wow, I thought at the time. But I also thought that it was appropriate for her to feel the way that she did and she was just letting us all know what she was feeling. I also went to the funeral of a boy who was killed on the highway while riding his bike. I couldn’t believe how calm his mother was as she spoke in front of the church just as I did for Kathryn. I also remember being at the Tacoma relay serveral years ago after a Mom had just lost her daughter to cancer. I knew both of them from the clinic and I couldn’t understand how she could speak about her daughter so calm and without breaking down. I also listened to the Dad of Kathryn’s little friend Gloria from camp. Gloria was 11 or so when she died from cancer. This was just two years before I spoke at relay. He spoke so well. I was so impressed. He talked about his daughter and how she was such a trooper. How she volunteered to be in a study to maybe help others. She was a beautiful girl. So, my point is: You pull yourself together and do what you need to do. You do it for your child and other families.
In my friend’s blog she wrote about the fall being difficult or just that there are so many dates that have no so good memories to them. He daughter passed away August 16th 2007. I may have the year wrong. But then she said how October brought about the cancer diagnoses. Oh, how the dates hunt us. October 12 marked my last day of work last year. The 13th was the MRI that showed something but it was inconclusive. The had to wait until the 17th to have the spectroscopy done and on the 19th Kathryn ask, “How long do I have?” The answer was 3 to 6 months. More dates in the fall to come and then the winter. We have dates all year long with exception of the summer. The summer we just get to remember the summer parties, Camp Goodtimes, Camping at Twanoh and playing in the back yard.
Friday night we were going to go to the dessert auction at my school to support our Booster Club. I had intended to go but after I ran with one of my friends that afternoon I could hardly walk. As someone else told me, “You aren’t 18 you know.” Maybe not and but I will continue to try to get back into shape. I can do it! I felt bad missing the auction but the hot tub was a much better choice.
We have so many good memories. But it is Kathryn we would like to have. I read in the obituaries today (Saturday) a poem to this effect. Of course we would love to have her here but that is not to be. I wrote to one of my friends that our girls are in a far better place and that they are the lucky ones.
Today I also went to listen to a long time friend play his music at a farm while people picked their goods. Some bought pumpkins; some bought apples and took them to where they would press them into cider. I bought some honey and a CD of my friends. My friend Robin and my Mom went with me. Scott met us there. After we came home my Mom wasn’t feeling well. I think she got the flu from her flu shot. So, Scott and I are trying to make her comfortable. It is so hard to see her not feeling well. It worries me. She had a fever too but she didn’t want to take anything for it. Maybe a good nights sleep will help after her hot bath. Just checked on Mom and she is loving the bath.
Scott and I sat in the hot tub and looked for the meteor shower. I saw one shooting star. I think we will check it out again just before bed. Tomorrow I will get my bags packed for California. The flight is booked, the hotel is booked, the rental car is booked, my sub is assigned and we are just about ready. I need to get the rest of Rowan’s gift and go to the post office to have it ready for her Mom and Dad to mail it home from California. They will have plenty to carry with Rowan and her meds. This way she can open the gifts and use them a bit and then they can be sent home through the mail.