10-27-12 Make a Wish and signs from Kathryn

10-27-12 Make a Wish and signs from Kathryn

So this week has been interesting.  On Monday Scott was in Kathryn’s room to feed the fish.  He had his hand on the container that contains her ashes as he was talking to her.  I came into the room and laid down on the bed to look up at the ceiling.  When I looked at the wall that has the crayon art on it that says Angel Kathryn made by her friend Jenny I noticed one lonely snowflake still on the wall.  But I know we took down all the snowflakes and I just admired that piece of art just a few days ago.  When I was admiring the artwork a few days ago I didn’t see a snowflake.  I’m sure it wasn’t there.  On Friday I was reading my book “Closer Than You Think” and it talks about things like this.  I thought, Wow, is this a sign from Kathryn?  Did Kathryn put that snowflake back up on the wall?  The author calls these Rock Star signs or moments. 

On Thursday one of my co-workers came in after school to ask me if I would be interested in raising money to buy a play center for Mary Bridge Hospital.  This is an electronic station that can be wheeled from room to room.  It allows kids to play video games, watch movies etc.  I know Kathryn really loved having the use of this when she was in the hospital with complications from her chemo back in 1999.  We also watched a few movies while she received treatments that would take hours.  My co-worker lost her son of 2 ½ to an immune deficient disease.  I didn’t know what had happened to her son or how old he was.  She shared this with me and my heart just went out to her.  It must have been terrible to watch him as they prepared him for a bone marrow transplant.  Tears filled her eyes, her lips quivered and her nose turned red.  This is a look I have worn many times.  As I listened and tried to comofrt her I realized that even after years the tears still flow.  The pain of losing a child never goes away.  She wants to donate this play station in honor of her son and wanted to know if I would like to do the same in honor of Kathryn.  Nitendo will match funds for funds.  I’ll be looking into it.  I may just help her raise money for the one in honor of her son.  We are donating to Camp Goodtimes in honor of Kathryn and to the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation and Make a Wish.  But this a is a good idea too.

Thursday night I walked Princess as we were leaving to go to California in just a few hours.  As I walked her I thought about walking in this one particular place in the neighborhood with Kathryn.  It was duska and we saw a bunch of little bats flying around.  As I was thinking about this I noticed the crows flying over the house.  Kathryn and I counted them a few times.  On this night I saw more crows than ever.  Thousands and thousands in big packs. 

When we arrived at the airport and went to our gate I noticed….  We were sitting in the exact same spot, waiting at the same gate C-17 as we did almost one year ago as we headed out to Houston.  I remember the kids and I watching Scott go find a place to plug in his computer.  I remember talking to the lady at to counter and asking about getting on first as Kathryn was not stable on her feet.  It was all there in my memory. 

Our flight ended up being delayed and Scott and I finally arrived at our hotel at 2:00 am.  We were exhausted.  On the flight I read my book, “Closer Than You Think” for a while.  It is a great book about how people have connected with their loved ones who have passed away.  It is really good and helps me realize that Kathryn is here and showing me signs if I just pay attention.  I’m watching, smelling and listening. 

We had to ride a shuttle to get to the rental car place.  As we were on the shuttle the song “Over the Rainbow” by brother Izz came on over the sound system.  I did ok for the first verse but then the tears just flowed and wouldn’t stop.  I tried to hold them back but they just kept coming.  How do these songs make this happen?  It’s like I am totally out of control.  This was the song played at Kathryn’s service.  I guess it will always affect me this way.  The song, “The Old Rugged Cross” still gets to me.  It was sung at my Grandma’s service and my Dad’s too.  My Grandma died when I was 14 so I know “The Over the Rainbow” will have an affect on me for years to come.

So, we are here in California and I was in the bathroom of the hotel room looking out of the door.  There on the desk neatly displayed are pamphlets and the center one has large letters that jumped out at me.  Those letters spelled nothing other than PANDA.  Interesting!

Friday we drove down the coast to Laguna Beach.  We had lunch in a restaurant over looking the ocean.  What a beautiful place.  That evening we met up with Rowan’s parents at the Rain Forrest Café in Downtown Disney.  It was nice to talk to them with just the four of us.  We talked a lot about the Burzynski Clinic and how the regular oncologists won’t support Burzynski.  Even though the clinic has saved so many lives.  Not one of these oncoclogists has even gone to see what the Burzynski clinic is doing or what they have to offer.  The government is continuing to try to shut the clinic down.  We have all decided it is due to money.  As I told Chuck, (Rowan’s Dad) the government and drug companies can’t make any money off of Burzynski.  They can’t charge outrageous prices for his drugs.  No one is getting rich from the drugs the Bruzynski clinic uses.  Burzynski makes his own drugs in his own factory.  They are basically all self supported.  If they are to completely develop a cure for cancer there will be no money made from radiation, chemotherapy and so on.  And it is big big money!  Anyhow we had a good evening with them and look forward to the birthday party.

So, we are just waiting to go to the birthday party.  Sitting here in the hotel and what should be on TV?  One of Kathryn’s favorite movies with Johnny Deep, “Secret Window.”   She loved Johnny Depp.  He is a good actor that’s for sure.  And now it is a show about kids who channel spirits.  Oh, and last night there was also a show about spirits and the Long Island Medium was on it and the Neurosurgeon that I talked about earlier who was in a comma and went to Heaven was on it also.  I was too tired and fell asleep while watching it.  Spirits are everywhere!  I wish I had the gift to speak to spirits.

I’ll let you all know about the birthday party later.