Rowan’s Birthday 10-28-12

Rowan’s Birthday 10-28-12

So on Saturday we went to Rowan’s birthday party at the Disney Hotel in the Cinderella Ball Room.  The room was decorated so nice and the buffet was great.  They had one set of buffet tables for adults and the other set was for the kids.  The kid’s table was lowered to kid size and the buffet was all special kid food.  Perfect. 

Scott and I introduced ourselves to the friends and family of Rowan’s parents.  Most of the people were from California and friends of Rebecca’s family or family on Rebecca’s side.  Rebecca grew up in California so these were old friends of hers from way back.  This was the first time for many of them to meet Chuck (Rowan’s Dad) and to meet Rowan.  All the kids were excited to meet Rowan and spend time with her.  They were all so darling.  Rebecca’s cousin (Summer) and her good friend (Mary) set up and made the schedule for games and such for the kids.  They did a fabulous job.  The kids had so much fun.

The cake was beautiful!  A princess castle with all of the princesses on it.  There were flowers all around the bottom.  When they brought the cake in the 4 ladies who worked on it were all there.  They were very proud and rightfully so.  It was beautiful and delicious!

Rowan arrived a little late because she was napping.  It was so worth it.  She was such a sweetie giving out hugs and kisses to everyone.  She was so giving and sweet.

At one point I started to cry because it was so good to see Rowan and see her doing so well.  Chuck came over to see if I was alright.  It was just so emotional for both Scott and myself.  I cried a couple of times.  Scott had to leave the room a couple of times to pull himself together.

Rowan wanted to make sure her mommy got one of those flowers at the bottom of the cake.  She gave away a bunch of flowers to the little girls and who ever wanted one.  She posed for pictures.  She was just the best little birthday girl.  She had on a beautiful princess dress and in her goodie bag was a tiara that went perfect with her dress.  She and I sat and did arts and crafts for a while.  That was fun.  She finally asked her Daddy if she could go outside.  Chuck took out side for a little bit and then she was back and taking it all in.  I was afraid that she was going to be overwhelmed by it all.  She only knew a handful of people.  Most of them were new to her.  But she did great!  She had a fabulous time. 

I met Rowan’s Grandma and Grandpa who have moved to be closer to Rowan to help with her treatments.  Or to help give Rebecca a break now and then.  It is so much work caring for a child who is in this situation.  The treatment makes them pee a lot and makes them thirsty and this makes them pee more.  Night time is never a solid sleep time.  Getting up every two hours is just the norm or maybe even more often.  It’s so great that her parents were willing to move to give them the support that they need so badly.  We have been there and the sleep deprivation is so difficult.  You still need to be on your toes to do blood draws, give meds and other normal stuff too.  The lack of sleep drains you so much. 

Grandpa made me feel real good when he told me how much Rowan loves the Panda Pillow Pal we gave her.  It was one of Kathryn’s and I felt we could give one up so Rowan could enjoy it.  It made my heart so happy to know that she really loves it. 

They didn’t get a chance to open presents at the party so they took them all back to the hotel room and opened them later.  Some of the people from the party joined Rowan and family in opening presents.

Scott and I had gone back to our hotel to sit by the pool and relax.  I was sitting there listening to the children play and reading my book when a man said to me that my book must be really good since I was smiling and giggling.  I was enjoying the book.  I went over to him and his wife and talked with them for a long time.  I shared with them what the book was about and why I was reading it.  “Closer Than You Think” is the title and it is all about people who have connected with loved ones who have passed and how to connect with loved ones who have passed.  It’s about looking for signs like the snowflake I talked about.  I told them about Kathryn and they shared a couple of stories with me.  They lost a daughter at age 15 due to a drug overdose.  A cocktail of Mom and Dad’s prescription drugs.  Oh the pain that would bring.  The man also shared with me about a visit he had from his dead Dad.  He said his Dad appeared and scared his wife half to death.  But he and his Dad had a 30 minute conversation.  They both said that our loved ones are here with us all of the time.  They also shared many of their vacations and such with me.  Just a nice older couple.

So today we were leaving and we went over to Rowan’s hotel to say good-bye and drop off the prepaid mailer box I got for them and the packaging tape.  Rowan was showing us her presents.  I was talking to Rebecca and telling her that when she reads the inside of the book that is about the fish stealing the hat from the whale the name Christy McDanold is Richard’s girlfriend’s mom.  I wanted to make sure she knew Christy gave that book to Rowan.  She didn’t recognize this gift.  I described the other gifts we had brought and she said I don’t remember seeing any of these.  Chuck didn’t remember any of them either but he did remember a gift that could have been books and a little box too.  That was it!  He looked around and found it still wrapped up.  Scott and I took this as Kathryn’s doing.  Why would our gift be the only one that didn’t get opened the night before?  We had made the plans at the party to come by in the morning.  Kathryn was watching and listening and made sure that gift was not found or opened without us there.  So, we had the pleasure of watching Rowan open her gifts from us. Chuck put on her little hat we bought her.  A stocking cap with Minnie written on the front and of course the red sparkly bow and little black ears on top.  It fit and looked very cute.  Rebecca really liked the books and Rowan liked the stickers and the beads to make a necklace.  She said, “Grandma can help me make a necklace.”  She was pretty excited about that.  Rebecca and Chuck gave us one of the music boxes that were part of the centerpieces for the tables.  It is Disney with many characters on it.  The characters are playing in a band and Mickey is the conductor and he sits in a snow globe.  I was really surprised to get this beautiful gift along with a darling photo of Rowan in a frame. 

On the plane I talked to a lady.  We shared stories about heath care and having to be there to take care of your loved ones.  I told her about finding my Dad on the floor of his hospital room naked and laying and a puddle of pee.  I stopped by on my way to work and had to call in and get coverage.  It was a terrible thing.  I would not allow his night nurse to get near him as he was afraid of this man who apparently was mean to him all night according to his roommate.  I talked to his superior and wrote a letter.  No patient should fear the ones they are relying on to take care of them.  Kathryn was afraid of one of her nurses (an RT) who was rough with her.  We never let this woman in her room again.  Immediately during her shift we had her removed from Kathryn’s case.  We told them not to let her step foot in Kathryn’s room because she had really upset Kathryn.  We didn’t even want her to peek in the room.  You have to advocate for your loved ones when they are in the hospital.  Trust is not something I have much of after dealing with my Dad’s stuff and Kathryn’s stuff.  There are many good nurses and doctors but it only takes one to blow it all up.  We have had a few bad apples over the years and that is enough to never trust again.  The lady on the plane has a son who had heart surgery for a bad valve at 30 years old.  They had a schedule so someone was with him 24/7 while he was in the hospital.  Good idea!  He will have to have this surgery all over again in 15 years.  They are hoping that the surgery will be less invasive by the time he must have it done again.

We are home now and happy to be here.  I will continue to read my book.   I’m almost done with it.  I will continue to look for signs from Kathryn and talk to her more.  We all need to continue to pray for Rowan.  She is doing great but the tumor isn’t gone.  So prayers are very important. 

Oh, I didn’t mention that they had Rowan tested to see where she was with her cognitive abilities thinking she would qualify for Special ED.  No she doesn’t qualify.  I can see that.  She is very bright.  She listens well, speaks well, can read her own name, follows directions well and is probably a little ahead of some 4 year olds.  She is mature for 4 as far as I can see.  Very well mannered and very sweet.  Getting a hug from Rowan makes you feel al warn and fuzzy.  Love it!

Well, good night.  I have a very busy week ahead.  I will be tutoring in the evenings Mon through Wed and fit in pumpkin carving, the gym, walking Princess and maybe some house cleaning.  

10-27-12 Make a Wish and signs from Kathryn

10-27-12 Make a Wish and signs from Kathryn

So this week has been interesting.  On Monday Scott was in Kathryn’s room to feed the fish.  He had his hand on the container that contains her ashes as he was talking to her.  I came into the room and laid down on the bed to look up at the ceiling.  When I looked at the wall that has the crayon art on it that says Angel Kathryn made by her friend Jenny I noticed one lonely snowflake still on the wall.  But I know we took down all the snowflakes and I just admired that piece of art just a few days ago.  When I was admiring the artwork a few days ago I didn’t see a snowflake.  I’m sure it wasn’t there.  On Friday I was reading my book “Closer Than You Think” and it talks about things like this.  I thought, Wow, is this a sign from Kathryn?  Did Kathryn put that snowflake back up on the wall?  The author calls these Rock Star signs or moments. 

On Thursday one of my co-workers came in after school to ask me if I would be interested in raising money to buy a play center for Mary Bridge Hospital.  This is an electronic station that can be wheeled from room to room.  It allows kids to play video games, watch movies etc.  I know Kathryn really loved having the use of this when she was in the hospital with complications from her chemo back in 1999.  We also watched a few movies while she received treatments that would take hours.  My co-worker lost her son of 2 ½ to an immune deficient disease.  I didn’t know what had happened to her son or how old he was.  She shared this with me and my heart just went out to her.  It must have been terrible to watch him as they prepared him for a bone marrow transplant.  Tears filled her eyes, her lips quivered and her nose turned red.  This is a look I have worn many times.  As I listened and tried to comofrt her I realized that even after years the tears still flow.  The pain of losing a child never goes away.  She wants to donate this play station in honor of her son and wanted to know if I would like to do the same in honor of Kathryn.  Nitendo will match funds for funds.  I’ll be looking into it.  I may just help her raise money for the one in honor of her son.  We are donating to Camp Goodtimes in honor of Kathryn and to the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation and Make a Wish.  But this a is a good idea too.

Thursday night I walked Princess as we were leaving to go to California in just a few hours.  As I walked her I thought about walking in this one particular place in the neighborhood with Kathryn.  It was duska and we saw a bunch of little bats flying around.  As I was thinking about this I noticed the crows flying over the house.  Kathryn and I counted them a few times.  On this night I saw more crows than ever.  Thousands and thousands in big packs. 

When we arrived at the airport and went to our gate I noticed….  We were sitting in the exact same spot, waiting at the same gate C-17 as we did almost one year ago as we headed out to Houston.  I remember the kids and I watching Scott go find a place to plug in his computer.  I remember talking to the lady at to counter and asking about getting on first as Kathryn was not stable on her feet.  It was all there in my memory. 

Our flight ended up being delayed and Scott and I finally arrived at our hotel at 2:00 am.  We were exhausted.  On the flight I read my book, “Closer Than You Think” for a while.  It is a great book about how people have connected with their loved ones who have passed away.  It is really good and helps me realize that Kathryn is here and showing me signs if I just pay attention.  I’m watching, smelling and listening. 

We had to ride a shuttle to get to the rental car place.  As we were on the shuttle the song “Over the Rainbow” by brother Izz came on over the sound system.  I did ok for the first verse but then the tears just flowed and wouldn’t stop.  I tried to hold them back but they just kept coming.  How do these songs make this happen?  It’s like I am totally out of control.  This was the song played at Kathryn’s service.  I guess it will always affect me this way.  The song, “The Old Rugged Cross” still gets to me.  It was sung at my Grandma’s service and my Dad’s too.  My Grandma died when I was 14 so I know “The Over the Rainbow” will have an affect on me for years to come.

So, we are here in California and I was in the bathroom of the hotel room looking out of the door.  There on the desk neatly displayed are pamphlets and the center one has large letters that jumped out at me.  Those letters spelled nothing other than PANDA.  Interesting!

Friday we drove down the coast to Laguna Beach.  We had lunch in a restaurant over looking the ocean.  What a beautiful place.  That evening we met up with Rowan’s parents at the Rain Forrest Café in Downtown Disney.  It was nice to talk to them with just the four of us.  We talked a lot about the Burzynski Clinic and how the regular oncologists won’t support Burzynski.  Even though the clinic has saved so many lives.  Not one of these oncoclogists has even gone to see what the Burzynski clinic is doing or what they have to offer.  The government is continuing to try to shut the clinic down.  We have all decided it is due to money.  As I told Chuck, (Rowan’s Dad) the government and drug companies can’t make any money off of Burzynski.  They can’t charge outrageous prices for his drugs.  No one is getting rich from the drugs the Bruzynski clinic uses.  Burzynski makes his own drugs in his own factory.  They are basically all self supported.  If they are to completely develop a cure for cancer there will be no money made from radiation, chemotherapy and so on.  And it is big big money!  Anyhow we had a good evening with them and look forward to the birthday party.

So, we are just waiting to go to the birthday party.  Sitting here in the hotel and what should be on TV?  One of Kathryn’s favorite movies with Johnny Deep, “Secret Window.”   She loved Johnny Depp.  He is a good actor that’s for sure.  And now it is a show about kids who channel spirits.  Oh, and last night there was also a show about spirits and the Long Island Medium was on it and the Neurosurgeon that I talked about earlier who was in a comma and went to Heaven was on it also.  I was too tired and fell asleep while watching it.  Spirits are everywhere!  I wish I had the gift to speak to spirits.

I’ll let you all know about the birthday party later.

Dates 10-20-12

Dates 10-20-12

Early in the week (Monday) Scott was up in Kathryn’s room feeding the fish.  He always talks to her when he is in her room.  When he walked out in the hallway the entry light flickered.  He said something to her again and it flickered again.  And one last time after he mentioned it to me and said her name.  The light has never flickered before and hasn’t flickered since.  We always appreciate when we get little signs like this.

I also received a message from a friend who sent an invite to Kathryn by way of Facebook by accident.  She really felt bad and apologized.  I told her not to be sorry, as I like it when people send messages to Kathryn on her Facebook page.  It makes me feel like people still remember and care for her.  I check her page once and a while and love it when I find sweet messages from her friends.

On Wednesday I went to the Camp Goodtimes staff appreciation dinner.  What a great family this is.  I really mean it.  The people who give as volunteers to Camp Goodtimes are very special people. Everyone feels loved and appreciated.  I always feel loved and welcome by this group.  After the dinner and the presentation I met with a couple of people about the Wine Auction, which is a big fundraiser for Camp Goodtimes.  I have offered to help out with the auction.  The auction is in April but they are having a mingle night for big corporate people.  At this event there will be camp people there to mingle with the corporate people to share what camp is all about.  I was asked to be the quest speaker for this event, which is November 8^th. 

I was also asked this past week to speak on the 27^th at the Youth Summit for Relay for Life.  I had to decline because we will be in California for Rowan’s “Make A Wish” and 4^th birthday.  This is BIG!

Thursday night we went to the LeMay Museum for a little get together for members of the Auto Club.  It was nice.  We met some great people and had a good time.  This one couple shared about the cool trip they took to Europe and toured with the Audi Group.  It was fabulous.  We were talking and I told them about our trip last spring.  During the talk it came up that our trip was a get away and refresh trip after Kathryn’s passing.  Of course they said things like, I just couldn’t imagine, I don’t know what I would do.  I thought this too before I lived it.  You do go on and must go on.

I remember going to a funeral of a boy who had shot himself in the bathroom at Stadium.  I don’t know how I didn’t hear the shot as I always went out the basement door about the same time that he shot himself.  His Mom was Kathryn’s preschool teacher.  And as she spoke at the funeral she started with a scream.  Wow, I thought at the time.  But I also thought that it was appropriate for her to feel the way that she did and she was just letting us all know what she was feeling.  I also went to the funeral of a boy who was killed on the highway while riding his bike.  I couldn’t believe how calm his mother was as she spoke in front of the church just as I did for Kathryn.  I also remember being at the Tacoma relay serveral years ago after a Mom had just lost her daughter to cancer.  I knew both of them from the clinic and I couldn’t understand how she could speak about her daughter so calm and without breaking down.  I also listened to the Dad of Kathryn’s little friend Gloria from camp.  Gloria was 11 or so when she died from cancer.  This was just two years before I spoke at relay.  He spoke so well.  I was so impressed.  He talked about his daughter and how she was such a trooper.  How she volunteered to be in a study to maybe help others.  She was a beautiful girl.  So, my point is:  You pull yourself together and do what you need to do.  You do it for your child and other families. 

In my friend’s blog she wrote about the fall being difficult or just that there are so many dates that have no so good memories to them.  He daughter passed away August 16^th 2007.  I may have the year wrong.  But then she said how October brought about the cancer diagnoses.  Oh, how the dates hunt us.  October 12 marked my last day of work last year.  The 13^th was the MRI that showed something but it was inconclusive.  The had to wait until the 17^th to have the spectroscopy done and on the 19^th Kathryn ask, “How long do I have?”  The answer was 3 to 6 months.  More dates in the fall to come and then the winter.  We have dates all year long with exception of the summer.  The summer we just get to remember the summer parties, Camp Goodtimes, Camping at Twanoh and playing in the back yard. 

Friday night we were going to go to the dessert auction at my school to support our Booster Club.  I had intended to go but after I ran with one of my friends that afternoon I could hardly walk.  As someone else told me, “You aren’t 18 you know.”  Maybe not and but I will continue to try to get back into shape.  I can do it!  I felt bad missing the auction but the hot tub was a much better choice.

We have so many good memories.  But it is Kathryn we would like to have.  I read in the obituaries today (Saturday) a poem to this effect.  Of course we would love to have her here but that is not to be.  I wrote to one of my friends that our girls are in a far better place and that they are the lucky ones. 

Today I also went to listen to a long time friend play his music at a farm while people picked their goods.  Some bought pumpkins; some bought apples and took them to where they would press them into cider.  I bought some honey and a CD of my friends.  My friend Robin and my Mom went with me.  Scott met us there.  After we came home my Mom wasn’t feeling well.  I think she got the flu from her flu shot.  So, Scott and I are trying to make her comfortable.  It is so hard to see her not feeling well.  It worries me.  She had a fever too but she didn’t want to take anything for it.  Maybe a good nights sleep will help after her hot bath.  Just checked on Mom and she is loving the bath.

Scott and I sat in the hot tub and looked for the meteor shower.  I saw one shooting star.  I think we will check it out again just before bed.  Tomorrow I will get my bags packed for California.  The flight is booked, the hotel is booked, the rental car is booked, my sub is assigned and we are just about ready.  I need to get the rest of Rowan’s gift and go to the post office to have it ready for her Mom and Dad to mail it home from California.  They will have plenty to carry with Rowan and her meds.  This way she can open the gifts and use them a bit and then they can be sent home through the mail. 

Good Night

Peaceful Feeling 10-13-12

Peaceful Feeling 10-13-12

On Monday came home and caught the end of the Katie show that was on at 5:00.  It was on again at 9:00 so I watched in its entirety at 9:00.  It was all about Heaven.  The show featured Teresa the Long Island Medium, a lady doctor, the girl who paints from visions she gets from God and the little boy who the book Heaven is For Real is all about.  They all shared their thoughts and ideas about Heaven.  The doctor had visited Heaven just like the little boy.  Both spoke of a peaceful loving feeling that came through them during their visit.  A feeling  that you don’t experience here on Earth.  So much love! Unconditional love that just takes you.  They spoke of the beauty and the intense colors.  The young girl who paints has been on other shows.  Both of her parents were atheists but now believe.  Her paintings are amazing and she started painting at 6 or 8 years old.  A true gift from God.

On this same day I received an email from a friend at school.  He sent me an article writing my Dr. Eben Alexander.  It was titled “Heaven is Real.”  This doctor is a neurosurgeon and had been in a coma for 7 days.  They were actually starting to talk about pulling the plug!  Now this man is a scientist and always believed that there was a scientific explanation for the experiences people had when they had near death experiences.  The theory has always been an over active neocortex at this time which would explain the visions and such.  But now he doesn’t believe this theory is correct. While in the coma for 7 days he went to “Heaven.”  During this time in a coma his neocortex was completely off.  It was not functioning.  They did scans and tests and it was not working.  So he was in a different place, “Heaven.”  He talked about the love and peace that he felt there.  He also explained that communication was different.  It was more like a feeling that went through you rather than voices talking at you.  He spoke of beautiful colors as did the people on the Katie show.  Intense beautiful colors. 

So after catching the end of the early Katie show and reading the Doctors article I had to get some housework done.  As I was vacuuming I received this wonderful feeling that went all through my body.  A warming feeling and a feeling of peace.  A feeling that let me know everything is fine.  Today is the first day I have cried since I received this wonderful feeling.  I’m not crying because I am worried about Kathryn.  I only cry because I am so full of emotion.  This feeling that came over me is definitely from God.  I have felt it one time before in my life.  It’s the communication that the doctor spoke about.  The communication that is a feeling rather than words but understood all the same.  God was letting me know that what I heard and what I read was all true.  He was letting me know that Kathryn was in a good loving place. 

The first time I ever received this feeling of peace and understanding was when Kathryn was first diagnosed.  I was on the phone with someone and talking about our new situation, cancer.  At the time I was filled with a peaceful feeling and warmness went through my body and I smiled because I knew Kathryn would make it through and we would be ok.  From that point on I really didn’t worry about her cancer.  I never thought about the possibility of her not making it through surgery.  I knew she was going to be ok.  Though there were times that were hard during her treatment the first time around I never thought that she would not be ok.  I was given that peace that one day and it stayed with me.  I smiled this time too as I knew I was finally ok with Kathryn leaving this world.  I was finally given the message that she was safe, happy and all was good.  Kathryn is in Heaven with the ultimate love surrounding her.  I had been waiting for this feeling as I never forgot about that one day back in 1999 when I first had this feeling of peace go through me.  I was hoping for it way back when Kathryn was rediagnosed back in 2010.  I never got that feeling.  When my friend laid hands on Kathryn I thought I would get the feeling but didn’t.  When the healer came to the hospital and again to our house I thought I would get this feeling, but I didn’t.  I was hoping it would come to me all the time but it never did until just the other day.  I wanted to mean that she would be ok here on Earth but that wasn’t the case.  The feeling is to give me peace that she is with God. 

So,  as the week went on I found another Kathryn Elizabeth.  Many of you heard about the woman who was beaten by her boyfriend or husband and left for three days without medical attention.  She died from her injuries.  When I read the name I thought again I must be receiving a message.  I thought this because I had a terrible dream a while ago that I didn’t want to mention because it was bad.  It was about Kathryn dying by the hands of someone terrible.  A bad suffering.  When I had this dream I thought I was being told that I should feel good that Kathryn didn’t suffer.  I felt I was being reminded that she died peacefully and painlessly.  I was able to be with her and give her comfort.  Maybe me reading this obituary was just another reminder for me.  I don’t always read these but I did that day and it jumped out at me.  Unbelieveable.

So, Rowan is turning four in just a couple of weeks.  I’m so excited to join her and her parents for her birthday.  Her Mom wrote to me about a lady who lost her 4 year old daughter.  I guess she was at the Burzynski clinic last November at the same time we where there.  I never met her.  She may have had her appointments later in the afternoon where ours were in the mornings.  Her daughter passed away in February like Kathryn.  Her family had received funds to help with the cost of treatments and she wanted to share this money with Rowan’s family for Rowan’s treatments.  Rowan’s Mom (Rebecca) didn’t know how to respond.  She was afraid she would not say the right thing.  She feared the Mom was wondering why her daughter died and Rowan is responding to the treatment.  I assured her that this woman is thinking just that.  As I had those thoughts myself.  Of course you want to know why my daughter?  Why did my daughter have to die?  Why didn’t my daughter get to live?  I also assured her that she wanted Rowan to live.  She is a Mom and doesn’t want another Mom to feel the pain she has suffered.  She wants Rowan’s treatments to continue to be successful.  I told her to accept the gift and thank her.  That’s all she needs to do.  We all want Rowan to be the success story.  We are her cheerleaders even from afar.

I caught part of another Katie show and it was about happiness.  Wow, it hit the nail on the head.  One of the things said on the show was that people who give money or things away are more happy than those who don’t.  Giving to others makes people happy.  Kathryn was so concerned that we didn’t get to the giving tree last year.  I just didn’t have the time to do it.   I will this year as I have many times in the past.  Wrapping a gift for someone you know would have received anything without your help feels so good. 

My Mom and I were talking about this giving.  She shared how she was at the little grocery store in Eatonville the other day and they had a donation basket along with a list of things that they needed.  She filled her basket and donated all but three items.  She doesn’t have a large some of money or a very big income but she has a huge heart!  I told her how Scott and I were out for dinner Wednesday night and a young couple sat across the isle from us.  They had a 6 month old baby girl.  We talked a bit with them.  As we left Scott went to the hostess and asked her to apply this $20 towards their bill.  The hostess was taken back.  She went straight to the table to give the young couple the money.  She was so excited.  So this made us feel good to share, made the hostess happy to share the good news and I’m sure put a smile on the faces of this young couple.   Scott is very generous.  He gives money to his friend from Hawaii who has Parkinson’s.  He gives him money for yoga and materials to continue his painting.  He’s the one who painted the portrait of Kathryn.  Giving is a good thing.  The Katie show also talked about happiness in terms of dollars.  It was stated that the rich are not necessarily happy.  They have to work to keep it all going.  They have more worries and concerns.  They said that people who make around $75,000 a year are the happiest.  I found this interesting.  I have always said I never wanted to be rich.  I wanted to have enough to do things but I would be fearful of being rich.  I’m right where I want to be and I am happy with life.

A very strange thing happened to us.  Last night when we went to bed we left the camera hooked up to the computer as we were uploading over 600 pictures from the camera to the computer.  When Scott got up he notice that there was an error message.  So he had me look at it.  When I took a look there weren’t any pictures on the camera or on the computer.  I saw the pictures uploading and saw the pictures on the camera and now they were not there.  I took a closer look and the memory card was gone too.  Where did it go?  We looked and looked.  It should have still been in the camera but it was not there and it was in the camera.  I found it on a box on the desk down in the kitchen.  Why and better yet, how did it get there?  As I went down stairs I had a cool breeze go through me and give me the chills and again as we discussed this memory card.  Was it Kathryn?  I don’t know but we both talked to her and thanked her for helping us find it. The box it was on is a wooden box with a glass top that has our family photo in it from our 2010 Christmas card.  We are all wearing hats including the animals in support of Kathryn.  I think there was a message there about family.  Scott and I just went to counseling Friday night.  Maybe Kathryn was confirming our commitment.  Scott and I have no other explanation for this memory card making its way downstairs and onto the desk. 

This is the site for the article by the doctor.  It is a must read.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/10/07/proof-of-heaven-a-doctor-s-experience-with-the-afterlife.html

A Great Weekend 10-7-12

A Great Weekend 10-7-12

We received two wonderful gifts lately.  My Mom brought over a carved bear about 2 feet tall or so.  It is painted like a Panda.  It is very cute with big eyes and a huge smile.  My Mom actually had it specially made for us.  She also had one made for my friend who made a flower garden in honor of Kathryn and wanted a Panda to go in it.  Her Panda is a bit smaller but that is the perfect size for her garden.

The second gift is a painting of Kathryn.  Scott’s friend who we stopped by to see while on our road trip in April painted it.  He has Parkinson’s and took up painting about 2 or 3 years ago.  This was his first portrait ever.  He only had a small picture to go by and it turned out great.  I feel very special to have a painting made by him.

On Thursday I played racket ball for the very first time in my life.  I did ok.  We played for an hour and I sure felt it the next day.  My knees hurt and my elbow hurt.  But I tell you, I had a great time.  And then I went for a walk run with my friend from school.  We did about 2.5 miles.  I hurt so bad that night.  I sat in the hot tub and that really helped. 

Here’s the best part.  Richard and Bee came down Friday night.  We had a nice dinner together.  Then Saturday I tutored for an hour in the morning and then all four of us went to the LeMay Car Museum.  Lots of nice cars.  Then we went to our neighbor’s Chinese restaurant for dinner.  Our neighbor always buys the drinks when we go there.  She is a sweet lady.  On Sunday we had a terrific pancake breakfast.  Then we went to the apple press street fair in Steilacoom.  Richard, Bee and I went to this.  We took Princess too.  After, we went to the beach at Chambers Bay.  There we found some really cool things on the beach.  Then Richard and Bee made sushi for all of us for dinner.  It was delicious.

It was a wonderful weekend with Team Bradley all together.  I count Richard’s girlfriend Bee as part of the team.  She has been there for us through everything and I hope that she is with us forever. 

Oh, I helped Richard grade papers, as he is a grader for two professors at Western.  Bee recorded the papers and she said, “Carol, did you notice the name on one of the papers you graded?”  No I didn’t notice.  There was a Kathryn Elizabeth only spelled differently.  Katheryn Elisabeth.  Another reminder of Kathryn and Elizabeth. 

I’m watching the Long Island Medium.  This show just gives me such hope and faith.  It really helps me believe that my little girl is watching over us.  It makes me believe that she is ok.  Some day I hope to hear from Kathryn.  I don’t think it is crazy to hope for this after watching this show.  I think I don’t connect because my mind is always so busy.  The book I was reading and it was mentioned on this show before too that you need to meditate or open your mind.  Your mind needs to be free of distractions.  I can’t even pray without my mind wondering.  My mind has always been busy.  I can’t read a book without a wondering mind.  When I listen to music I hardly hear the words because my mind is going to different places.  I have to take pills to stop my mind so I can sleep.  I will have to practice meditating to ever be able to connect with Kathryn.

I didn’t mention that our cat Dude went missing on Kathryn’s 8^th month anniversary of her passing. So, on October 2^nd Dude didn’t come home.  He has yet to come home.  I’m still hoping that he will come home.  You know how cats can go for days and then show up hungry and tired.  I hope he comes home soon.

Once again it was a fabulous weekend! 

Good Night

 

8 Months Oct 2, 2012

8 Months Oct 2, 2012

Today marks 8 months since Kathryn passed away.  I can’t believe it has been so long already.  Soon there will come the days that I have engraved in my brain.  The last day of work, the day Kathryn was given 3 to 6 months to live.  Our last time to carve pumpkins together.  Our fight to Houston and so on.  My Mom gave me a little book to read that is a daily reading type of book.  I will write down my dates in this book.  Scott’s Mom did this to remember special dates.  I will write down good happy dates too. 

Change is happening and I was reminded of change the other day.  My friend from work got her hair cut and sent me the picture of her in her new style.  It is very cute and she wears it well.  But she wasn’t sure about it and said she would have to just get use to the change. Somewhere in there she said, “You know all about change.”  And yes I do.  I am probably the one person in the world who really doesn’t like change but I have had to accept huge changes in my life whether I like them or not.  I had told my friend about my Mom coloring her hair and how she really didn’t like it at all at first.  Now she has grown use to it and likes it better than the grey.  I like it too.

Picking Medical Insurance was something I had to do recently too.  I sure liked my old insurance but Obama doesn’t seem to think I deserve the insurance I had even though I paid over $1,000 a month for it.  I just don’t get this.  I was told that everyone has to pay.  Wasn’t I already paying?  So now I pay about the same for less coverage.  This really sucks.  If I had this insurance at the time Kathryn was going through her treatments I would have had to pay so much more.  It would have made things pretty difficult.

At school we have a class called Advisory.  This class meets twice a week for 20 minutes.  Our students stay with us for the two years they are at our school.  I was asked if I would take a student from another class since she just didn’t fit with the other students in this other class.  The other teacher felt sorry for her not having anyone in the class that she fit with.  We gave the girl the option of moving to my advisory or having a friend in my advisory moving to the other class.  Well, she moved into my class.  Her name is Kathryn.  What a strange deal.  But it doesn’t end there.  Today I asked her what her middle name was and she replied, “Elizabeth.”  Now, if you remember this is the name of Richard’s girlfriend’s sister who also died from a brain tumor.  I wrote about how it would be nice if they ever had a little girl to name her Kathryn Elizabeth.  But of course it would be up to them.  I couldn’t believe this was her name.  Especially because she wasn’t assigned to my advisory and your advisory students never change.  This was so unusual for a student to change advisory classes and she chose to move into mine.  Weird!

On that note my neighbors still have the ghost in their house.  This is the ghost that we believe is Kathryn. 

I watched the Long Island Medium this past Sunday.  I actually watched several episodes.  There was one where the family lost a 24 day old baby and the baby was able to come through and let her Mom know that she is ok and there was nothing she could have done to keep her from dying.  There was also a man on the show who was there to understand death.  He has pancreatic cancer (a very deadly type of cancer).  He came to the Long Island Medium to find comfort in knowing that there is another life after this one.  He needed to know that he would be greeted by friends.  He needed to know that he would be safe in death.  He got everything he came for.  This also made me feel good.  Kathryn is not here in her sick body but in her spirit living a beautiful life, not here but with God.  She is with loved ones and friends and probably making new friends.   That is how Kathryn would work it.  She would be friendly and kind making all kinds of new friends. 

I’m off to bed so Good Night