Students/Friends/Sons 9-15-12
The second week of school is complete and things are
starting to become routine. I have
great classes, I love my schedule and it’s all going well. I have some chatty boys in one class
but that is why I like this age.
They are full of life! I
also have chatty girls in my yearbook class but it is only because they are so,
so, so excited to be creating the yearbook. They are pumped.
On Monday we will finish assigning pages and get working on the
program. While working on the
program I will also be working with students on their special assignments. They will be super busy. We also have to pick the drawing for
the cover of the yearbook. It has
been our tradition to always have student art for the cover. This year we have several great entries
and it will be hard to choose just one.
So School is going very well.
Work outs! I
start my actual training with a trainer this coming week. My friend Sue and I are going to start
doing training together too. She
is a great trainer. My breathing
is so strained but I know if I work at it and go slow and steady I will get
there. I gave my life entirely to
Kathryn and got completely out of shape so now it is time to get my health back
in line.
I had coffee on Thursday with one of my former
students. She had me in 1993 when
Richard was having a hard time adjusting to change. A neighbor was now taking
him to school not me and this upset him.
She had me again in high school in 1999 when Kathryn was first diagnosed
with cancer. So I had her in 6th
grade and 12th grade.
The day I found out that Kathryn had a brain tumor we went straight to
Stadium from the hospital so I could let them know that I would be out for a
few days. It ended up being the rest of the year. It happened to be the time of Gina’s Pre-Calculus class and
they were taking a test or quiz.
She could tell that I was really upset about something. She told me that it just wasn’t fair to
have to finish that test after seeing me.
She was all thrown off after that.
This girl actually skipped school the day of Kathryn’s surgery to be
with me in the hospital. It was
really good to have someone outside of the family there. She has a great sense of humor and
helped keep things light. So, we
have kept in touch all these years.
On Friday I went walking with Sue. She’s a good friend.
I hope to keep up with our walks or training. I was thinking about her and her age. She works with me and she is the age of
some of my first students. I think
there are only 3 teachers at my school that are older than me. All of the rest could have been my
students back in the day and the new teachers could be my children. I don’t feel that old.
This morning I went walking with my friend Laura. On the way there I missed the first
turn because I was in a daze thinking about Kathryn. It’s ok because the next turn gets me there just fine. As I drive to Chambers Bay I have to
drive by the Tacoma Cemetery. This
morning two cars turned in to the cemetery and I couldn’t help but feel bad for
them. Driving into a cemetery is
never fun. There are always those
strong sad emotions. It’s
not the cemetery where we took Kathryn.
She was at Mountain View.
We drive by Mountain View every time we come home from our cabin in
Packwood. And of course every time
my mind brings back pictures of her lying there lifeless. I know Scott thinks about it too as we
drive by. He probably thinks about
it even more since he made all of the arrangements. That had to take a lot. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe she was going to
die. I even told the ladies from
Hospice that I was done. I was not
going to talk about my daughter dying anymore. They could talk to someone else. I was going to believe that she was going to be healed and
live.
You know they say that songs will some on the radio to
remind us of our loved ones. That
song, “We Are Young” seems to be playing all the time and it makes me think of
Kathryn. I don’t know what the
song is all about but the part “We are young” just makes me think of her. She was so young.
Back in December of 2008 Kathryn and I went to a ceramic
store and had coffee and made coffee mugs together. That was my Christmas present from her that year. I drank out of this mug every day. I miss things like this. No special times with my little
girl. But as I remember to be
thankful, I think about the wonderful relation ship Kathryn and I had. We loved each other and would go to the
ends of the Earth for each other.
I know that our mother – daughter relationship was one of the very best
ones ever. I’m so fortunate! It could have easily been a life with
no Kathryn at all with my funky female body.
The sky has been so beautiful lately and on Thursday evening
as I walked Princess it had wispy clouds.
There was definitely an Angel with Kathryn’s profile in those
clouds. She and I loved to find
things in the clouds. On Friday
morning the sky had clouds in the Eastern part and the sun made them look
golden and glowing. It was so
beautiful.
Rowan’s Mom wrote about disciplining Rowan. How hard it is to do but necessary. It is hard when you have a child with a
life threatening illness. How can
you scold or put a child in time out when you are not sure if they will be with
you for another month, or another year?
You need to so they do become respectful, responsible and not
spoiled. I know Richard had to let
me know when enough was enough.
After a year or two he finally told me I was spoiling Kathryn. He said, she is fine now and she
shouldn’t be spoiled. He was
right. I have great faith that
Rowan will be healed. Her tumor is
shrinking and she should have a long and happy life. Hopefully it will go away soon so she can get off of the
treatment. Her Mom wrote about one
boy being on it for over 4 years but it worked.
Speaking of boys with cancer. Did you see the boy on TV who beat cancer and had his make a
wish be to upgrade his high school baseball field? Well, he was long boarding without a helmet and hit a rut in
the road. He has a brain injury
now. He’s in the hospital and
can’t move or anything. I saw a
boy about the same age in the hospital while Kathryn was in ICU only his injury
was from a gunshot and I think it was even more serious in that they weren’t
sure that he would make it. There
were several code blues to his room while we were there. We had talked to the family several
times. It’s tough to think that he
was going to be confined to a wheelchair and not able to do anything for
himself for the rest of his life.
His poor Mom. The boy on TV
has it bad too but his Mom is a positive person and believes he will make it
through this. At least on the
outside she is strong and positive.
I know how this is. I’m
sure when she is alone she breaks down and cries. Her strong boy is now helpless and may be forever. I will pray for this family too. It seems my prayers are helping others
as everyone I have been praying for is doing fine.
My son called me the other day as he was going on a three-day
kayak trip around the San Juan Islands.
I was teaching at the time of the call so he left a message. In part of it he said, “Just in case
I’m not back on Saturday this is the route we were taking and where they should
look.” Wow, it’s hard to hear this
but I am so glad that he is smart enough to leave this information for the just
in case. It’s still on my
phone. He called that night to say
they made the first leg of the trip just fine. The phone service was poor but I could catch what he was
saying and knew everything was all right.
Today is the last day of the trip and I will be looking forward to his
call. I should hear from him
around 6pm or so. Of course I will
call if I don’t hear from him by then.
I told him back shortly after Kathryn died to be careful with his life
because I could not take losing another child. He knows how I feel and he takes precaution to do things
safely. He had his life vest and
is actually wearing on this trip.
I was glad to hear this. I
know his girlfriend Bee will wear hers.
She’s also an only child now so she is very precious to her Mother. Not that all children aren’t precious
to mothers but when you have two and lose one the other one becomes so
important. You know you couldn’t
make it through another one. I do
know a couple who did lose two children to brain cancer. Their children were very little and now
they are divorced and childless.
Scott is having a hard time. I doing my best to help him and support him through
this. He loved Kathryn so
much. She was his softness in
life. She was for all of us. But she was Daddy’s little girl and he
has had to try to be strong for me.
Sometimes trying to be strong for someone else makes it harder for
you. I don’t think he has taking
the time to yell, scream, and just let it all out. He needs to do this. It feels good to release all the anger
and pain. Not that it all goes
away or every will but it helps.
Every tear I shed helps.
Ever time I talk to God and let him know just how upset I am it
helps. He really needs to let it
out! I will be here for him. We are Team Bradley and will always
support and take care of one another.
Today (Saturday) is going to be another beautiful day. I’m going to get outside and work in
the yard. I hope you are able to
get out and enjoy this sunshine too.
Have a Wonderful Day!
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