About Me

Kathryn Bradley was born on 2/5/91 and given a Hawaiian name Kahiwalani meaning "Gift From Heaven" She has been a special gift from the day she was born.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Students/Friends/Sons 9-15-12

Students/Friends/Sons 9-15-12

The second week of school is complete and things are starting to become routine.  I have great classes, I love my schedule and it’s all going well.  I have some chatty boys in one class but that is why I like this age.  They are full of life!  I also have chatty girls in my yearbook class but it is only because they are so, so, so excited to be creating the yearbook.  They are pumped.  On Monday we will finish assigning pages and get working on the program.  While working on the program I will also be working with students on their special assignments.  They will be super busy.  We also have to pick the drawing for the cover of the yearbook.  It has been our tradition to always have student art for the cover.  This year we have several great entries and it will be hard to choose just one.  So School is going very well.

Work outs!  I start my actual training with a trainer this coming week.  My friend Sue and I are going to start doing training together too.  She is a great trainer.  My breathing is so strained but I know if I work at it and go slow and steady I will get there.  I gave my life entirely to Kathryn and got completely out of shape so now it is time to get my health back in line.

I had coffee on Thursday with one of my former students.  She had me in 1993 when Richard was having a hard time adjusting to change. A neighbor was now taking him to school not me and this upset him.  She had me again in high school in 1999 when Kathryn was first diagnosed with cancer.  So I had her in 6th grade and 12th grade.  The day I found out that Kathryn had a brain tumor we went straight to Stadium from the hospital so I could let them know that I would be out for a few days. It ended up being the rest of the year.  It happened to be the time of Gina’s Pre-Calculus class and they were taking a test or quiz.  She could tell that I was really upset about something.  She told me that it just wasn’t fair to have to finish that test after seeing me.  She was all thrown off after that.  This girl actually skipped school the day of Kathryn’s surgery to be with me in the hospital.  It was really good to have someone outside of the family there.  She has a great sense of humor and helped keep things light.  So, we have kept in touch all these years.

On Friday I went walking with Sue.  She’s a good friend.  I hope to keep up with our walks or training.  I was thinking about her and her age.  She works with me and she is the age of some of my first students.  I think there are only 3 teachers at my school that are older than me.  All of the rest could have been my students back in the day and the new teachers could be my children.  I don’t feel that old.

This morning I went walking with my friend Laura.  On the way there I missed the first turn because I was in a daze thinking about Kathryn.  It’s ok because the next turn gets me there just fine.  As I drive to Chambers Bay I have to drive by the Tacoma Cemetery.  This morning two cars turned in to the cemetery and I couldn’t help but feel bad for them.  Driving into a cemetery is never fun.  There are always those strong sad emotions.   It’s not the cemetery where we took Kathryn.  She was at Mountain View.  We drive by Mountain View every time we come home from our cabin in Packwood.  And of course every time my mind brings back pictures of her lying there lifeless.  I know Scott thinks about it too as we drive by.  He probably thinks about it even more since he made all of the arrangements.  That had to take a lot.  I just couldn’t bring myself to believe she was going to die.  I even told the ladies from Hospice that I was done.  I was not going to talk about my daughter dying anymore.  They could talk to someone else.  I was going to believe that she was going to be healed and live.

You know they say that songs will some on the radio to remind us of our loved ones.  That song, “We Are Young” seems to be playing all the time and it makes me think of Kathryn.  I don’t know what the song is all about but the part “We are young” just makes me think of her.  She was so young. 

Back in December of 2008 Kathryn and I went to a ceramic store and had coffee and made coffee mugs together.  That was my Christmas present from her that year.  I drank out of this mug every day.  I miss things like this.  No special times with my little girl.  But as I remember to be thankful, I think about the wonderful relation ship Kathryn and I had.  We loved each other and would go to the ends of the Earth for each other.  I know that our mother – daughter relationship was one of the very best ones ever.  I’m so fortunate!  It could have easily been a life with no Kathryn at all with my funky female body.

The sky has been so beautiful lately and on Thursday evening as I walked Princess it had wispy clouds.  There was definitely an Angel with Kathryn’s profile in those clouds.  She and I loved to find things in the clouds.  On Friday morning the sky had clouds in the Eastern part and the sun made them look golden and glowing.  It was so beautiful.

Rowan’s Mom wrote about disciplining Rowan.  How hard it is to do but necessary.  It is hard when you have a child with a life threatening illness.  How can you scold or put a child in time out when you are not sure if they will be with you for another month, or another year?  You need to so they do become respectful, responsible and not spoiled.  I know Richard had to let me know when enough was enough.  After a year or two he finally told me I was spoiling Kathryn.  He said, she is fine now and she shouldn’t be spoiled.  He was right.  I have great faith that Rowan will be healed.  Her tumor is shrinking and she should have a long and happy life.  Hopefully it will go away soon so she can get off of the treatment.  Her Mom wrote about one boy being on it for over 4 years but it worked. 

Speaking of boys with cancer.  Did you see the boy on TV who beat cancer and had his make a wish be to upgrade his high school baseball field?  Well, he was long boarding without a helmet and hit a rut in the road.  He has a brain injury now.  He’s in the hospital and can’t move or anything.  I saw a boy about the same age in the hospital while Kathryn was in ICU only his injury was from a gunshot and I think it was even more serious in that they weren’t sure that he would make it.  There were several code blues to his room while we were there.  We had talked to the family several times.  It’s tough to think that he was going to be confined to a wheelchair and not able to do anything for himself for the rest of his life.  His poor Mom.  The boy on TV has it bad too but his Mom is a positive person and believes he will make it through this.  At least on the outside she is strong and positive.  I know how this is.  I’m sure when she is alone she breaks down and cries.  Her strong boy is now helpless and may be forever.  I will pray for this family too.  It seems my prayers are helping others as everyone I have been praying for is doing fine. 

My son called me the other day as he was going on a three-day kayak trip around the San Juan Islands.  I was teaching at the time of the call so he left a message.  In part of it he said, “Just in case I’m not back on Saturday this is the route we were taking and where they should look.”  Wow, it’s hard to hear this but I am so glad that he is smart enough to leave this information for the just in case.  It’s still on my phone.  He called that night to say they made the first leg of the trip just fine.  The phone service was poor but I could catch what he was saying and knew everything was all right.  Today is the last day of the trip and I will be looking forward to his call.  I should hear from him around 6pm or so.  Of course I will call if I don’t hear from him by then.  I told him back shortly after Kathryn died to be careful with his life because I could not take losing another child.  He knows how I feel and he takes precaution to do things safely.  He had his life vest and is actually wearing on this trip.  I was glad to hear this.  I know his girlfriend Bee will wear hers.  She’s also an only child now so she is very precious to her Mother.  Not that all children aren’t precious to mothers but when you have two and lose one the other one becomes so important.  You know you couldn’t make it through another one.  I do know a couple who did lose two children to brain cancer.  Their children were very little and now they are divorced and childless. 

Scott is having a hard time.  I doing my best to help him and support him through this.  He loved Kathryn so much.  She was his softness in life.  She was for all of us.  But she was Daddy’s little girl and he has had to try to be strong for me.  Sometimes trying to be strong for someone else makes it harder for you.  I don’t think he has taking the time to yell, scream, and just let it all out.  He needs to do this. It feels good to release all the anger and pain.  Not that it all goes away or every will but it helps.  Every tear I shed helps.  Ever time I talk to God and let him know just how upset I am it helps.  He really needs to let it out!  I will be here for him.  We are Team Bradley and will always support and take care of one another.

Today (Saturday) is going to be another beautiful day.  I’m going to get outside and work in the yard.  I hope you are able to get out and enjoy this sunshine too. 

Have a Wonderful Day!

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