9-11-12 (A Dream)
You know that picture of Kathryn on the blog page was taken when while she had stage four brain cancer. Look at that smile and the sparkle in her eyes. She always did her best to not let it get the best of her.
Long Island Medium (Sunday Night)– a Mom lost her daughter to bulimia. She felt that she should have done more but her daughter said you did – you loved me and respected me. The Mom was wondering why her daughter didn’t tell her how sick she really was. He daughter said she would have had to say good-bye and how can you say good-bye to your Mom? Just like Kathryn not wanting to upset anyone.
Also a woman who lost her husband was talking about how her little girl sees her daddy and will say daddy while looking and follow something with her eyes. I think the little girl is only 15 months old. The Long Island Medium said that children often see spirit more than adults because they are so open minded. That’s probably why my little neighbor girls see Kathryn in their house.
Scott’s cousin posted on FB for us to pray for a little boy and his family. He has a nueroblastoma stage 4 cancer. OMG – why does this happen? Braiden is 3 and has a brain tumor that is extremely dangerous.
A friend at work asked me to pray for her brother-in-law who also has a brain tumor. I looked up the type that he has and it is considered stage 3. I didn’t get to read a lot but I will pray for him too. His name is Alex if you would like to pray for him.
I know far too many people with cancer. I really hate thinking of the children that have cancer.
Yesterday (Monday) was my first training day at the gym. The man I worked with has survived two forms of cancer. He has a great attitude towards life as most people who have survived cancer do. I know it gave Kathryn a heart full of love to share with everyone. Well, I have joined the gym and plan on getting into shape so I am healthy. I was surprised at just how bad I was. I am so out of shape it isn’t funny. When we went to Houston we did a lot of sitting. I did walk but it’s not a work out. Then when we came home I spent every minute with Kathryn and that didn’t include much activity. I stayed with her in the hospital just sitting for almost a month and again when we came home from the hospital. And when I stress I can just gain weight over night. It is so strange how my body sees stress as a time to build up fat. It did it back in 1999 and it did it again now. In 1999 after three days in the hospital with Kathryn I gained 20 pounds. I couldn’t even fit into any of my clothes and sent Scott out to buy me elastic waist pants and some shirts with lots of blousing to hang over my pants. It was so bad. At least this time I didn’t gain quite as much and I lost about 10 already. Now I have to do the hard work. I can do it and I will do it. By Christmas I may have to go shopping for some new clothes.
Last night (Monday) I had a dream about Kathryn. Before I tell about the dream I must tell you that every night for about two weeks now when I roll over on my side to go to sleep it feels like a cat is on the end of the bed or right behind the back of my legs. The covers are pulling down slightly and gently like maybe someone is sitting next to me. But someone small. It’s so light that it feels like one of the cats. And it only happens when I am turn towards the center of the bed not the edge. So last night I was in bed praying for all the people I know with cancer or other things going on in their lives and I also prayed to have Kathryn come visit me even if it was in her spirit form. I kept thinking I saw something around the corner and I felt the covers pull as I described. I said aloud, “Kathryn I know you’re here and I love you so much.” I spoke some more and than went to sleep. Then in my dream I was in a room and this lampshade was flying around in the room. Not the normal lampshade but one made out of pink and yellow beads. So Kathryn! When I grabbed it a spirit moved across the room. You could see the figure small like Kathryn. I was white but see through. Even full of sparkles. Again, so Kathryn. I’m sure she was here as I was alone last night as Scott was out of town. I hope to think that she was there to comfort me. She did. I woke up happy and I smiled on my way to work as I thought about this dream of mine.
It still seems like she is alive. It still seems like I should be talking to her and telling her about my day and my students like I always would and she would share her day with me. It just doesn’t seem real that she is gone. I just hope I get to keep having little glimpses of her. Or maybe some day I will be able to learn how to communicate with her. What I so know is that I will see her again when God calls us all to him. There she will be waiting and I will run to her and hug her tight.
I also must say that I thought long and hard about the people who lost loved ones in the 911 disaster. Eleven years now. I remember seeing it on TV as I left for work. I was teaching at Stadium and some of the kids were pretty upset. I also remember going to see it with Kathryn in the spring of 2005. It was quite the sight. The little church across the street left an every lasting impression on me and also gave me faith. We should never forget this day. I know when I go security at the airport I remember and I’m not bothered by what they do to try to keep us safe.
Tomorrow is Wednesday and another day with my trainer at the gym. It should be interesting.