Weddings 8-13-12

Weddings 8-13-12

I know I haven’t made a post in a couple of days.  Sorry for that.

We had a 60’s Party on Saturday evening.  It was a great time.  Richard’s girlfriend Bee came and helped me prepare food and set up on Friday.  Of course there was a lot more to do on Saturday.  Dash also came over and helped by doing all of the ribs.  I thought about Kathryn the entire time as I prepared for the party.  I thought about how she helped last year for my 50^th birthday party.  How she made it so fun with her bucket of things to put on for photos.  Kathryn and I have collected so many things over the years for dressing up.  She had her things so well organized so it was easy to find things that we could use.  Richard had flown down to Reno Firday morning to help Mitch drive back.  Mitch was in a class and it ended on Friday.  The two of them left Reno Friday around 5:30pm and arrived to at our house at 5:30am.  I happened to be up letting the cat out when they drove up.  I sure love those boys.

Richard and Bee made delicious sushi.  They wok so well together.

Late in the evening my two friends and I stayed up by the bond fire and talked.  Late into the night.  My one friend is moving from her home that she and her first husband built together some 20 or more years ago.  Her first husband died from throat cancer.  She is really having emotional problems with thinking about selling this house.  I told her that it is only a building.  Just like selling some of Kathryn’s things I had to remind myself that it was only stuff.  We can’t hang on to all of the material things.  Her new home is for her and her current husband.  It will be a good change for them and make life easier as her husband’s commute right now is so long.  One to two hours one way every day.  This is just too much.  They will be happy to have less work and a shorter commute.  I think she felt better after we talked.  It is hard to let go but some times it is for the best.

On Sunday I was pretty tired as I had maybe two hours of sleep.  I had promised my Mom I would drive her to my cousins wedding in Seattle and I did.  My cousin who got married was adopted.  It was a closed adoption but she had searched for her biological mother the last two years and found her just shortly before the wedding.  When I sat down I sat next to a very friendly couple.  I asked how they knew the bride and groom.  They said friends and then a little later the she told me she was the bride’s biological mother.  She knew the bride’s mother really didn’t want her there but the bride did so she came but wanted to keep a very low profile.  She shared with me that she just was young at the time and the father had left her.  She didn’t have a way to provide for a baby.  She wanted her child to have a good life.  She said it wasn’t about her, it was all about her baby.  Her decision was for the baby.  She chose my cousin and her husband because they were good people and there was also something about having common birthdays.  Later in her life she got married to the man she was with.  They tried over and over to have a child.  She had three different surgeries but was never able to have a second child.  I sure felt bad for her.  She was watching her only child and the only one she would ever be able to have get married that day and all along she felt like she had to hide.  I gave her a couple of hugs and told her she was a very kind and generous person to give her baby up so her baby could have a good life.  She could see that her baby did have a good life.  She also shared with me that the bride and her had so much in common.  She didn’t realize that genes even controlled things like likes and dislikes.  They even use the same hair coloring.  They have the same favorite color and on and on.  Kathryn and I had so much in common too.  She was a part of me.  We lived together and shared so much. 

So many of my friends have children finishing college and getting married.  There is something I will never get to do.  I will never get to help my daughter plan her wedding.  Kathryn and I talked about this so many times.  We talked about dresses and who would be in her wedding.  She wanted an outdoor wedding.  She even talked about having the wedding in our backyard.  She didn’t want a big wedding but you know she had so many friends that it would be way too big for our back yard.  It’s really hard to watch others get married and hear friends and family plan and prepare for their daughter’s weddings.  I will never do this with my little girl as we dreamed of so many times.  I was supposed to make her dress too. 

Bee (Richard’s girlfriend) and I were talking.  We talked about weddings and dresses.  She and Richard had gone to a wedding the week before and we discussed things about this wedding.  She also described the dress she would like.  It will be beautiful.  She has a great figure and it will look so good on her.  She and Richard had talked about weddings a little and Richard said something about eloping.  Bee set him straight.  She said he couldn’t do that.  As his wedding would be the only wedding for me and her wedding would be the only wedding for her Mom.  I don’t know if you all remember but she lost her sister to brain cancer too.  Her Dad also passed away from cancer.  So a wedding for Richard and Bee would be a very special day.  

Monday – Richard and Bee left about 10:00 or 10:30 am.  It is such a let down when they go and I am home alone.  They know just how I feel too.  They reminded me several times that I will see them in just a few days.  Scott and I are going up to Bellingham and will be their houseguests this weekend.  We are going for Mitch’s graduation on Saturday.  Richard said as he left today, “ I need to get your room ready for you this week.”  He’ll be doing it on his own, as Bee will be in Seattle all week working as a nanny.  We’ll also be going camping late next week.  I hope to have several of my kids with me while camping.  We have such a good time.  This will be the first year without Kathryn.  I will miss my little camping buddy.  I would always let Richard and Kathryn bring a friend or two.  There were a couple of years that Kathryn chose not to bring any friends.  She said that I would be her camping friend.  That’s just how close we were. 

I’m sitting here in the house by myself and just crying.  I don’t like being alone.  I use to like the quiet time by myself but now I don’t.  As I was sitting her I heard something fall.  I ran upstairs to see what it was and finally found that the collage poster of Kathryn that is in the poke-a-dot room had fallen.  The window was open and I guess the wind made it fall.  Funny that it should fall as I write about Kathryn.

I just can’t believe she is gone.  I miss her so very much.  It just isn’t fair that she had to die.