My cousin had bought some things of Kathryn’s at my garage sale for her granddaughter. It was great to hear form her that her granddaughter loves the black sparkly shoes that she had bought for her. They were the last shoes I ever bought for Kathryn. She wore them to the Nutcracker with her pretty blue dress. What was even better her Mom had explained to her where the shoes came from and how special they are. She puts them on and yells out “Kathryn Power.” That is really something. I Love it!
My little neighbor girl had sold lemonade during the garage sale this past weekend. She told everyone that she was sharing her earnings with a little girl with cancer. Of course that was Rowan she was talking about. At our neighborhood gathering Tuesday night she handed me an envelop with $63 in it for Rowan. She had actually sold $28 worth of lemonade and shared half and they made $80 in the garage sale and shared $49. This is so good. Her mother has really taught her a lesson in giving and loving. Even if she doesn’t know Rowan she knows that Rowan and her family need help and she was willing to work hard all weekend to help another little girl. My neighbor girl is only 8. The same age that Kathryn was when she was first diagnosed with cancer.
Last night Scott loading up all the left over garage sale items into his van to take to the Goodwill. It was hard for him as man of the items were Kathryn’s clothes and shoes. We pulled a couple of small pairs of shoes out for our neighbor girl. We gave her some boots earlier that she loved.
On my walk this morning I got talking to another lady whose dog had followed my friend’s dog. They wanted to play so bad. Anyhow she started to talk about cancer. I don’t know how it all came up but it did. As she was talking I was thinking, “Lady you are singing to the choir here,” but I didn’t say that. It seemed like it would be rude. But I did share that I had just lost my daughter to brain cancer. Then we seemed to just go on and on. Until I had to leave because I was meeting someone at my house. My other friend showed up as we were just finishing our walk and she actually knew this lady I had been talking to. What a small world.
I had our carpets cleaned today and the same guy who cleaned them after Kathryn’s big Christmas party in December cleaned them today (Wednesday). He commented on the artwork in the hallway. When I said it was my son and daughter’s work he was very impressed. When we looked in Richard’s room that was when he remembered being here before. I guess the headboard that I made him is very uique and memorable. He remembered Kathryn and I told him she had passed away. He said he was wondering since he didn’t see her here today. He knew she was sick but he didn’t want to ask. He started to tear up when I told him. I shared a bit with him. He asked how old Kathryn was and that lead to sharing her birthday party with him. As you know she died 3 days before her 21st birthday. We had celebrated her birthday in a very special way doing all the things she would love to do. We made pancakes and everyone took at least one turn making a fun shape. One of her favorite dinners especially fun shaped pancakes. We had Tequila sunrises as this was her drink of choice. We sat around the bond fire and shared precious memories of Kathryn. And finally we had fireworks. It was a beautiful evening just like Kathryn.
Today I also did an art project. I thought about Kathryn making the backdrop for photos last year for my 50th birthday party. She worked so hard on it and she must have done the entire thing left handed. That means my effort was nothing compared to hers. And my art project isn’t nearly as good either. I do think she would approve. I also shared with him how my friend had asked God why Kathryn died. He gave her an answer, “Her duty was short.” What ever she was here to do she did it. She did do a lot and inspired so many. Her love and inspiration to do good is still going on.
Finally tonight I went to the hall closet looking for cotton balls. I found so many prescription bottles. All but two were Kathryn’s. I thought my poor baby. All these pills. Too many pills. I thought about the night before she died. I had told her, “If Jesus comes to take you tonight, please tell him you want to stay.” All I could think now at this moment is how relieved she must have been to go with Jesus. No more pills! It’s these realizations that are so hard. I think about how hard she did try to make her body better. She worked so hard.
I miss her sooo much. She was my little partner.
I cry every time I write these. Tonight was a little harder of a cry. I guess as it gets more and more real it makes thinking about it harder and harder. I really know she is gone with every thing that we do. I think of what she would be helping me with and what she would be doing. I have picked up her little duties and sometimes it is a bit overwhelming. But I can do anything!
I’m also debating on what to do about this weekend. We have a couple who will be staying in Kathryn’s room. Do I move her little box of ashes? Will it make them uncomfortable to be in her room with her ashes there? What to do….
I will be giving blood tomorrow. I will take it easier than I did last time. I don’t want to have any issues.