Wednesday 7-25-12
The other day someone at camp said I had the best wink. Then she said that I had a
twinkle in my eye. And then she
said, “I bet you get everything you want with that.” I thought and replied with: “Yes, I have gotten everything I
have ever wanted in life but one thing.”
She knew exactly what I was talking about. Kathryn being healed of course. Her reply was,
“We all wanted that.” Yes,
I can’t think of a single person that didn’t wish for, pray for, negotiate with
God for, dream about and constantly think about Kathryn being healed. I am a very fortunate person but the
one thing I wanted most I didn’t get.
I really feel… Well, ripped
off, cheated, let down, heart broken and hurt.
I did finish painting the carport on Tuesday. Finally!!! I started the deck today (Wednesday). I got it all clean and will paint or
stain tomorrow.
This morning I walked with my friend down at Pt Defiance
along the beach. We walked there
so I could catch the ferry. While
we were walking she shared with me that her sister’s name (Kathryn
Elizabeth). Can you believe
it? I was thinking that would be
the perfect name for a Granddaughter if Richard and Bee married and had a
little girl.
I sat with Bee at Lunch. She spotted me and invited me to sit with her cabin. I really appreciated the invite. I enjoyed sitting with the girls. One of the girls asked me if Pandas were
my favorite animals since I had two necklaces and a pin that were all
Pandas. I asked her if she knew
Panda from camp and she said yes.
She went on to say Panda was the best CAP. A CAP is a person who fills in for the counselor to give the
counselor a break. The break is
about 3 hours. I told her I was
Panda’s Mom. She told me how sorry
she was for me. I told her that I
have to remember the goodtimes just like my neighbors told Scott. One of them asked me what was my
favorite memory of Panda. I said I
had so many that I didn’t have a favorite but I would share a memory. I told her that when we went to Mexico
a few years ago we went snorkeling.
It was my first time. She
(little tiny Panda) kept close to me and kept checking on me to make sure I was
doing alright. Richard and Scott
did too. The girls didn’t realize
that Richard (Loop) was Panda’s brother.
They didn’t think they looked a like at all. It told them that people have asked me if they were
twins. I also told them that the
only way to tell their baby pictures apart is by the way they were
dressed. We had a very nice
conversation about my two wonderful children.
Tonight I went through the mail and came across the Verizon
bill. I finally called to cancel
Kathryn’s phone. Every one of
these things makes it more real.
It makes things more final.
It makes Kathryn go away in a sense. You know what I mean?
They young man on the phone started to tell me that there would be a fee
since the contract wasn’t up. I
said, “My daughter died back in
February and I should have cancelled it back then but it was too hard to do so
I’m finally doing it now.” He
said, “I’m so sorry and there would be no charge.” He asked for me to hold on while he took care of the
charges. He was very nice and told
me several times how sorry he was for my loss. He realized how hard this must be for me. He thanked me over and over for my
patience and he told me over and over how sorry he was for my loss. I told me he was very kind and did a
good job. I thank him for his help
and kind words.
I get other things in the mail addressed to Kathryn. I could send back the stuff with a
letter stating that she is no longer alive but I don’t. I think I don’t because getting those
things (junk mail) makes it seem as if she is still here. Maybe some day I will send them back
with a note but not now. My bank
even sent a credit card even after I asked for it to be cancelled and explained
why.
I’m finally off to bed. My day will start by giving blood and then go to camp. After camp I will do the deck. Having a busy schedule is a good thing.
Oh, I was told by one of my blog readers and friend that she
sent Rowan’s family a check. She
said it was small because she doesn’t have much money. I told her very little bit helps. It all adds up. Maybe we will help with a utility bill
or maybe a copay to the hospital. I said, “Isn’t Rowan cute with the Ice
Cream all over her face?” She said
she thought Rowan is adorable. She
really is adorable! Thank you my
friend for donating to Rowan.
Good Night
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