The other day someone at camp said I had the best wink. Then she said that I had a twinkle in my eye. And then she said, “I bet you get everything you want with that.” I thought and replied with: “Yes, I have gotten everything I have ever wanted in life but one thing.” She knew exactly what I was talking about. Kathryn being healed of course. Her reply was, “We all wanted that.” Yes, I can’t think of a single person that didn’t wish for, pray for, negotiate with God for, dream about and constantly think about Kathryn being healed. I am a very fortunate person but the one thing I wanted most I didn’t get. I really feel… Well, ripped off, cheated, let down, heart broken and hurt.
I did finish painting the carport on Tuesday. Finally!!! I started the deck today (Wednesday). I got it all clean and will paint or stain tomorrow.
This morning I walked with my friend down at Pt Defiance along the beach. We walked there so I could catch the ferry. While we were walking she shared with me that her sister’s name (Kathryn Elizabeth). Can you believe it? I was thinking that would be the perfect name for a Granddaughter if Richard and Bee married and had a little girl.
I sat with Bee at Lunch. She spotted me and invited me to sit with her cabin. I really appreciated the invite. I enjoyed sitting with the girls. One of the girls asked me if Pandas were my favorite animals since I had two necklaces and a pin that were all Pandas. I asked her if she knew Panda from camp and she said yes. She went on to say Panda was the best CAP. A CAP is a person who fills in for the counselor to give the counselor a break. The break is about 3 hours. I told her I was Panda’s Mom. She told me how sorry she was for me. I told her that I have to remember the goodtimes just like my neighbors told Scott. One of them asked me what was my favorite memory of Panda. I said I had so many that I didn’t have a favorite but I would share a memory. I told her that when we went to Mexico a few years ago we went snorkeling. It was my first time. She (little tiny Panda) kept close to me and kept checking on me to make sure I was doing alright. Richard and Scott did too. The girls didn’t realize that Richard (Loop) was Panda’s brother. They didn’t think they looked a like at all. It told them that people have asked me if they were twins. I also told them that the only way to tell their baby pictures apart is by the way they were dressed. We had a very nice conversation about my two wonderful children.
Tonight I went through the mail and came across the Verizon bill. I finally called to cancel Kathryn’s phone. Every one of these things makes it more real. It makes things more final. It makes Kathryn go away in a sense. You know what I mean? They young man on the phone started to tell me that there would be a fee since the contract wasn’t up. I said, “My daughter died back in February and I should have cancelled it back then but it was too hard to do so I’m finally doing it now.” He said, “I’m so sorry and there would be no charge.” He asked for me to hold on while he took care of the charges. He was very nice and told me several times how sorry he was for my loss. He realized how hard this must be for me. He thanked me over and over for my patience and he told me over and over how sorry he was for my loss. I told me he was very kind and did a good job. I thank him for his help and kind words.
I get other things in the mail addressed to Kathryn. I could send back the stuff with a letter stating that she is no longer alive but I don’t. I think I don’t because getting those things (junk mail) makes it seem as if she is still here. Maybe some day I will send them back with a note but not now. My bank even sent a credit card even after I asked for it to be cancelled and explained why.
I’m finally off to bed. My day will start by giving blood and then go to camp. After camp I will do the deck. Having a busy schedule is a good thing.
Oh, I was told by one of my blog readers and friend that she sent Rowan’s family a check. She said it was small because she doesn’t have much money. I told her very little bit helps. It all adds up. Maybe we will help with a utility bill or maybe a copay to the hospital. I said, “Isn’t Rowan cute with the Ice Cream all over her face?” She said she thought Rowan is adorable. She really is adorable! Thank you my friend for donating to Rowan.