Thursday marked 26 weeks since Kathryn’s passing. It was also one of Kathryn’s favorites days at Camp Goodtimes. It was Carnival Day. I have many photos of her with her hair all done up. She would get it sprayed different colors and usually had glitter put in it too. I remember the year she had to take off she still attended the carnival (with permission). I took her to the ferry that day and Richard met her on the Vashon side to take her to camp. Then I picked her up that night. She had her hair done up like to big cotton candy puffs – one on each side of her head. She looked very cute. This photo was in the tri-fold handed out at her celebration so you probably saw it. People looked at her on the ferry (well they stared). But she never let stares bother her even at 8 and bald.
Yes, when we were camping and Kathryn was 8 she was bald. There she sat with me and Princess on the beach. Another child walked by and stared at her. She looked at me and said, “Mommy that little boy is staring at me. He doesn’t mean to but he just doesn’t understand. He sees that I am bald and can’t figure out why I’m bald. It’s ok that he stares, he is just trying to figure it out.” It was something just like that and I was so very proud of her to be so understanding at 8. I agreed with her and said that he was probably just trying to understand just like she thought.
I didn’t stay for the whole carnival on Thursday but I did get a good idea of what it was all about. Friday my Mom came with me to camp. We helped pack up all of the arts and crafts. It is a lot of work with the sorting, organizing and taking inventory. We helped Bee’s cabin of girls get ready for the dance after dinner. I had brought extra things for their hair and some eye shadow. Bee’s Mom was there too and she did some fancy hair braiding. We all dressed up for the dance and had a great time. Richard had on light blue slacks made of some sort of polyester. You see it was a 70’s dance. He told people that some one in my wedding had brought in his pants and gave them to the Vashon second hand store. He is such a smarty pants. He looked good. My Mom had a pant outfit that she actually made back in the 70’s. It was perfect. It was a very late night as we took the 10:55 ferry home.
My Mom had spent the night and today we did a little shopping. We had a great time. When we were at Costco a lady came up to me and said, “I thought that was you.” This was my childbirth class teacher. Scott and I actually went to her class before both births. Most people only do it once. I guess having natural childbirth and 4 years apart I wanted to make sure I knew what I was suppose to do. And Scott too! Yes, I said natural childbirth. No drugs for me either time. I didn’t want my babies to have any drugs. I figured I could do this. Other women did it and I could too. Actually I never even considered having any drugs. All went fine. Kathryn was pretty big too. Richard was petite at 6 pounds 12 ounces but Kathryn was 8 pounds 13 ounces. That’s right. That tiny little girl was a very big baby.
This lady had asked me if I was going back to work in the fall. I said yes but that I was a bit nervous about some things. I started to cry. She said some words that were comforting and also some things that helped me think about how I could handle my fears. I will have to file those words in the front part of my brain so I don’t forget what she said. She is a wise lady, a good lady and one that I really respect. She and her husband had taken in her husband’s sister’s daughter years ago. The sister was in prison and the father I don’t know but not around. This little girl had been taught absolutely nothing. So they had a very difficult job. They did well but as I told my Mom that a child develops the person they will be early on. Like by 5 or 6. So if a parent neglects the child and doesn’t teach them right from wrong the child may never pick it all up. This was the case here. They tried so hard but the way of thinking (no so good) was already set. She has made some accomplishments but she stepped on a lot of people along the way. She destroyed their trust in her. Trust is a BIG deal! I was also her teacher back when she was in junior high. Anyhow I was so so glad to see my former teacher. I’m glad she came up to me and didn’t just walk away.
It’s Saturday night and I am watching the Olympics. I wonder if the YMCA had not let their gymnastics team go if Richard would have gone on with it. He was really good and the coach was very impressed with him. I also wonder if Kathryn had not had cancer if she would have been more involved in sports. She did play soccer but not too long. I think the chemo and radiation took her strength and made sports difficult. Her balance was never the same after the first go around. She did play soccer for a couple of years after cancer treatments . Who knows what may have happened if one little change had been made. All I know is that I couldn’t change anything but if I could of I would have taken cancer out of Kathryn’s life. I really don’t know that she would agree with that. Maybe she would have taken her second bought of cancer out of her life but I bet she would have kept the first because it gave her camp. It gave her a life that she loved. It gave her that wonderful relationship with others especially Richard. She wrote many times about cancer giving her wonderful things in life. Her cancer even gave Richard skiing. Yes, Kathryn’s cancer gave Richard skiing. My brother had asked what he could do to help and I told him to take Richard under his wing and teach him how to ski. I said Richard was going to get lost in all of this and he needed something. My brother did just that. He took Richard shopping and bought him all of the gear, Everything! And then proceeded to take him up skiing every weekend. It was the perfect thing for Richard. To this day it is one of Richard’s favorite things to do in life.
184 Days today
Good Night – I hope you all enjoy the Olympics.