Matt’s Party 7-14-12
Yesterday while walking my friend told me about two boys who she knew who had huge family problems. The one is currently living at her house. I couldn’t believe that the mothers of these two boys could say things like: I wish you were never born, You are a disgrace to the family, I hate you, I never want to see you again, I wish you were dead, get our of my life. Wow, how could a mother ever say those things to their own child? Why did these women ever have a child? There are choices and the first is birth control, then there is the pill the day after, there is abortion (not that I am in favor of this) and of course there is adoption. Why would you ever be so selfish to keep a child that you hate and make their lives miserable? Some of us had to go through medical treatments to have babies, watch them go through a terrible disease and treatments and finally watch them die. I guess with this background I just don’t understand how any mother could treat their child as anything other than a precious gift. How can they not understand that they are responsible for nurturing and loving this being they brought into the world. I know my whole life changed when I became a Mom. I did everything I could to make the best possible life for my children that I could.
I remember when I was teaching at Stadium High School I had a student who had become pregnant. Her plan was to become a foster child of her boyfriend’s mom and the baby would too. That way when her boyfriend got out of prison they could all live together? She wasn’t planning on finishing high school. I told her that I was a Mom with a good career and a husband with a good job and I was worried that I could do enough for my children. I told her that as a parent you want to give your children everything you can and her plan just didn’t sound real good to me. I also told her that there a lot of wonderful couples wanting to have a baby so bad and they can’t. She came to me later and said she had decided to adopt the baby out through an open adoption. She wanted to give her baby a better life than she could at this time. I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her. She thought of her baby first. She wanted her baby to have a better life than she could give at this point in her life. It must have been difficult but I’m know it turned out well for that little guy, unlike to two boys I mentioned earlier. She shared photos with me. She stayed in school and graduated. She was happy to see that her baby had a good home with loving parents.
I also received a letter from Multicare yesterday. It was from they bereavement lady that I talked to last week. I must say that they have been good about calling and checking on how we are doing. She sent a list of grieving rights as well as grief groups and her number to call if I just want to chat. On one of the grieving rights was about how the grief will just sneak up on you at any time without any reason. Oh it does. It is uncontrollable and just takes over your body. You cry out loud and without control. Tears just stream down your checks as you sob and sob.
Today we went to Matt’s 21st birthday party. Matt was Kathryn’s boyfriend who was there for her always. We were happy to be there for him. It was kind of hard to think that we would be there and Kathryn would not be there. Scott had a hard time with this and I was apprehensive about going. Scott made a card from Kathryn and attached it to a bundle of logs from the tree we had to take down. This was Kathryn’s favorite tree. It always bloomed around her no more chemo day (May 5th). It was interesting to see the kids who were there. Several were Friends that Matt made through Kathryn. It is also so good to see a brother a sister have a wonderful relationship like Richard and Kathryn had. Matt and his sister Katie have that special relationship. I think is has to do with the parents. Matt and Katie have good parents. They believe in the family working together and sticking together. They are loving but also have expectations. We really love this family.
Kathryn was fortunate to have this family in her life. She was fortunate to have a loving boyfriend like Matt. He was there for her when others would have left.