Yesterday I went for a walk. I was supposed to meet two ladies to walk with me but they both had to cancel. So I went by myself. I have been good about walking every day which started on the 4th. I thought about my little girl and cried some. I fought back the tears, as I didn’t want to be sobbing while walking down the path and passing by others.
Then I came home and washed the outside of the windows. This kept my mind busy.
I also talked with my Mom. She really believes my neighbors little ghost is Kathryn. She said, “You’ve been praying to God for Kathryn to return and sometimes he answers our prayers not exactly the way we would like.” I told her that God and I need to talk because this is a real misunderstanding on his part. Yes, I have been praying for Kathryn’s return or even to see her but not to send her to my neighbor’s house. Hopefully I can see her myself. They say that children see ghosts or spirits more because they are open to it. My Mom also reminded me of the good that has come from this and all the missions I have been given. This is true and I also read just this in the book I started a couple of months ago called, “Closer Than You Think.”
Today I did walk with the two ladies I was supposed to walk with yesterday. I told them about the little girl ghost in my neighbor’s house and she shared about a friend that sees spirits and talks to them all of the time. She said it actually destroyed her marriage because her husband didn’t like waking up and finding her talking to spirits in the middle of the night. I would love to have this gift. It seems this is a family gift that other relatives in her family have as well. I’m so jealous.
I vacuumed and had to go into Kathryn’s room. I found a pillow that came from Bellingham. I put my nose into it to smell it and smell her sent. I cried as I miss her, as you all know. I miss her so much.
I then went out to the yard to lie in the sun. Kathryn and I use to lay out in the sun together a lot. I took my book out with me “Closer Than You Think”. The reading that I did was just what I needed to read. It reminded me that it is good to cry and to let things out. It doesn’t matter if I’m still letting it out ten or twenty years down the road. But I need to grieve to gain back my happiness. I think I have done a good job of that. I’m not afraid of crying or yelling or letting people know that I hurt. Yes, there are times that hold it in but I have my moments. The book also talked about a man who lost his Mom on his tenth birthday, lost his eyesight in an accident, his wife left him, and his daughter was killed in a car accident in her teens. The writer wrote that this just shows that no matter how bad you think you have it there is someone out there who has it worse. I learned that one long ago. This is so true and that is probably why I don’t wallow in “Feel Sorry for Me.” This man had it bad and yet he does seminars about his story but also about making your own life positive and happy. He laughs and enjoys life. One of the sayings that came out is: “You must grieve to live.”
I also read the part about how the writer’s older sister held it all in to be the strong one. I sure hope Richard isn’t doing this. Her sister was miserable most of her life because she never grieved and when she finally did about 25 years after the other sister’s death she started to live and be happy. She finally let it out and talked to her dead sister too.
Now I’m watching the TV show 20/20 and it is all about beliefs in Heaven. I think they are going to have the little boy on it from the book “Heaven is For Real”. I’m looking forward to watching that part of the show.
I also received and email today from the City of Hope. It had a letter about a woman with Multiple Myeloma. She was the first to try a new treatment and she has now been in remission for 7 years. This is fabulous and I shared it with our young friend who has Multiple Myeloma. She is preparing to die but this could be her cure. I really believe she will be cured. I may be the messenger to her cure. I sure hope so. Maybe the email was really from Kathryn and she is helping find the cure for our young friend. Like I said in my speech, a cure is here for some cancers and just around the corner for others. Well we may have rounded the corner for Multiple Myeloma.
I have Hope!
Near death experiences are part of the show now. Going to a place of incredible peace. One woman said that there isn’t a single experience on Earth as good as being dead. She also said it changed her entire outlook on life. That she changed her job because of this, and she stopped judging people. The little boy form the book said “I know what I believe and if you don’t believe, oh well.” Not one of these people fear death. These are the kinds of things that help me to believe that Kathryn is ok and very happy. The one woman talked about cats and dogs that were very happy in her near death experience. This would make Kathryn happy. Although she would probably like to see some unicorns and narwhals. You know I didn’t know that narwhals were real until I saw them a couple of months ago on The Frozen Planet.
Well I need to go to bed so I can get up to walk.
Love to all,