Saturday was a day at Camp Goodtimes. I arrived at the ferry and was one car short of making the 9:15. Such a bummer being that close and not making it. So I took a little walk around and checked out the bait house and things. First on the 10:05. As I drove towards camp I got this new feeling inside of me. It was a feeling of relief for Kathryn. I haven’t had this feeling before. I have always felt so bad for her. But this time I felt good for her. It was like I was feeling good for her because she has no worries anymore. She doesn’t have to worry about feeling sick. There are no more treatments. There are no more pokes. There are no more MRIs. There are no more clinic visits. There are no more worries about her hand not working right or being able to walk. No more worries about being able to communicate. No more blood draws and worries about weather or not her port will work. She doesn’t have to worry about hiding her pain so others won’t feel bad. I know she did this, as she would suck it up before anyone would visit or before she would go out. She worked hard to be as normal as she could. Now she is free. She is free to be happy, painless and worry free.
As I write this I still think about how much I miss her and want her back. And as I took the last road turn towards camp I pictured Kathryn in her dinosaur costume out on the field just having fun. Oh she loved camp. I could also picture her sitting on one of the counters in Arts and Crafts making lannies. She was the lanny Queen.
I had a real good time at camp. Kathryn’s good friend Lexie (Boots) is helping in Arts and Crafts this week so it was nice to hang out with her. Everyone is so nice and just fun to be with. Since I was going back into town I was asked to pick up a couple of things. I like having a mission and helping out.
Last night Scott took me over to the job he has been working on. What a difference. The house was a total pit before and now looks clean and nice. It isn’t all the way done but it is already a 100 times better. Then we drove to Office Depot to get some pens for camp. As we were pulling in there was a young lady walking with her little girl with long blond hair. Oh, of course it make me think of Kathryn and me walking together holding hands and how I would look down at her and as this lady looked down to talk to this little girl. Scott knew exactly what I was thinking as he looked at me when we parked and asked, “Are you ok?” I said yes as if I hadn’t even noticed but he knew.
I had another dream with Kathryn in it. It was about us living in this house or condo in the city. Strange house for me. It is so hard to describe dreams. Why is that? It makes me feel good to dream about her.
Today I will head out to camp again to help with registration. I will also help with anything needed in Arts and Crafts. I’m expecting another wonderful with my camp family.
I’m including a link to Rowan’s celebration of life page. It would be so great if each of you reading my blog could donate to her. Even ten bucks because it all adds up. I’m such a goof at computers that I had a difficult time donating and will try again on Tuesday when I have the time to sit down and figure it out. I just tried again and for some reason paypal is not connecting for me. I guess it isn’t me after all. I think I will just send a check and forget the paypal thing myself. I have included Rowan’s address if you would like to send a check instead of the online deal. I will be donating $100. When you see her Ice Cream covered face you will see why we need to help her. Her little personality is just as sweet as the face.
Make it a Good Day!
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170 Burnstead Rd
Monson, MA 01057
Probably best to make checks out to her Mom Rebecca Paniagua
I think her Mom kept her maiden name. Her Dad is Chuck. They are a wonderful couple just trying to save their daughter and it is working. Money should not stop her from living.