22 Weeks 2-28-12

22 Weeks 2-28-12

Last night I watched a show called “Final Witness”.  It was a pretty horrific show.  Two men had broken into a home and killed the entire family and then set the house on fire.  The father actually lived through all of it and crawled through the woods to a neighbor’s house.  This was a true story too.  Things like this make me feel lucky. 

The story got worse.  The 16 year old daughter was the one who arranged this to happen to her family.  How could a young girl who loved her family so much turn on them for a boy.  Again this makes me feel lucky.

As I went to bed Scott was already sleeping.  There he was laying in bed with Kathryn’s pink little blanket draped over him.  Sometimes just having something of Kathryn’s touching you makes you feel better. 

Today is another Thursday that marks another week (22 weeks).  I handled it ok.  I worked in the yard and this is quiet time and you know that is thinking time.  It’s always been thinking time for me.  It use to be the time I would barter with God.  I would make promises to have him heal Kathryn.  I would offer myself in place of her.  I would beg him to give me her cancer and set her free.  I would try to make him understand that she was too good to go and I was not good enough to stay.  Now the talk is different.  Now I ask why.  I ask to have her back.  I remind him that he can do anything so why not bring Kathryn back to us.  We all need her and want her.  I see things and remember – remember times with Kathryn.  I lay in the warm sun and think of how man times we laid in the warm sun together.  She and I would sun bathe together all the time. 

Tomorrow I will go to camp to help clean up Arts and Crafts.  Then I’m helping with the dance.  That should be fun.

I also talked to a friend who was on the Boata with the campers on Tuesday.  She said Matt was a rare first timer to really get camp right off the bat.  He was dancing and having fun.  The campers were chanting his name.  He is having the time of his life.  I told my friend that he gets camp because he had a wonderful role model (Kathryn).  I’m sure after hearing her stories about camp and what they all do at camp he probably felt pretty comfortable at camp, like he had already been there.  I’m so glad he loves it.

Today was also June’s (Scott’s Mom) birthday.  We lost her on Jan 2^nd 2011.

Good Night