May Day 5-1-12

May Day 5-1-12

I can’t believe it is May already.  I sit here in the house and motivation is very low.  I think there is depression going on.  Try as I might I can’t seem to shake it.  I do everything to keep busy.  I get up almost as soon as I wake but 4:30 would have been a bit early today.  There are so many reminders of Kathryn, which is good but hard at the same time. 

There is way too much stuff in this house and the stuff that should stay needs to be better organized.  This too is driving me nuts. There are many projects that need to be completed too.  Hopefully I will get a bunch of them done.  I just need to start.

I watched 3 episodes of the Long Island Median on Sunday.  I sure wish I could talk to the dead.  I sure wish I had some communication with Kathryn.  I have been smelling that sweet smell a lot lately.  This morning it was very strong.  I know it is her and that is the only explanation for this smell.  The people who are on the show seem to all get a sense of peace after they have their session.  I would like to do this.  Maybe it would ease my pain and help me feel better.  At least the show does make me feel like Kathryn is here watching over us.  Probably my Dad too.  They really loved each other so I am sure they are together. 

Kathryn had so many things she wanted to do before she passed.  She tried to make this hanging light for me but it didn’t turn out.  I think we used the wrong type of glue.  She had lannies to make and luminaria bags to make.  I was thinking about this yesterday.  Mainly about the hanging light.  I know she really wanted to make this for me and I so wish it would have worked out.  She was thinking about leaving me something.  Now I know what was really in her heart.  I’m so slow sometimes.  I think I get it now.  She was so loving and thoughtful without bragging or boasting. 

The sun is out so I should make it a good day.