About Me

Kathryn Bradley was born on 2/5/91 and given a Hawaiian name Kahiwalani meaning "Gift From Heaven" She has been a special gift from the day she was born.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Started Book 4-4-12

Started Book 4-4-12

I started reading the book” Because of Katie.”  The first section describing the family could have been me writing about our family.  The way she described the relationship between her two children David and Kathryn would be the same way I would describe the relationship between my children Richard and Kathryn.  The way she described how the four of them did so many things together (everything).  Just like “Team Bradley”.  Our family vacations (all four of us) were every year.  And a few times a year.  We traveled all over the four of us as did the family in the book.  Of course I started to cry reading this as it made me think of the close relationship Richard and Kathryn had.  The love they shared and how wonderfully close they were.  They were best friends. They confided in each other.  And our family was perfect.  I always said I had the perfect wonderful little family.  We will still hold strong; the three of us.  Nothing can take down “Team Bradley” no even cancer or death.

I haven’t even completed reading chapter one and I have learned so much.  When you loose a child you do a great deal of thinking.  You try to figure it out.  How did this happen?  Why did this happen?  So many different thoughts go through your head.  My mind has been everywhere.  I thought many times even long before Kathryn died that maybe I was being punished for something.  I talked to God and did everything I thought I should do to make it all right.  But after reading even part of this book I know the author is a wonderful person and  God certainly wouldn’t be punishing her so I guess God doesn’t punish us.  I guess maybe everyone doesn’t try as hard as I do to figure things out such as why and how Kathryn got cancer.  I’m the figuring type of person.  You know, that mathematical, make sense of everything type of person.  Everything is in order and concrete and sequential.  Not this cancer!  It is so abstract and has no rhyme or reason.  That’s what makes this so frustrating.

Scott has messed up his knee.  So, I mowed the lawn today.  I think this is the 3rd time in my entire married life that I have mowed the lawn.  That lawn mower drug me around the yard until I figured it out.  It was good exercise too. 

I also took Princess for a walk as I usually do.  The road still has the skid marks from the ambulance making it’s way up the road in the ice and snow.  I suppose those marks will be there for a long time.  It’s a reminder that Kathryn was able to make it home and not have to spend her last days in the hospital.  She never liked being in the hospital and we always did every thing we could to have her spend as little time in the hospital as possible.  Making it home ASAP was very important to her.  I also know she was fearful of going home an passing away but I believe she was much more comfortable being home.  She was able to sleep in peace at night.  We didn’t poke and prod her.  I laid next to her and held her hand or just laid a my hand on her leg.  Some little touch so she would know I was there.  Comfort, love and peace were hers.

I met with Matt’s Mom Nancy and Liz and Gus from the ACS today.  We met at Starbucks as Nancy suggested since she loved going out for coffee with Matt.  Coffee was her thing.  I loved going to coffee with her.  I drive by certain Starbucks and think back on conversations we had there and what we ordered.  She loved ordering by the season.  Peppermint Mochas was her winter choice of drink.  Nancy’s project of getting water socks, inner-tubes, life vests and other items for water activities is going well.  It is very exciting to see these different projects emerge in memory of our dear sweet Kathryn “Panda”.  The Cookies are in the works too. 

Good Night

1 comment:

  1. Those questions about the cause of cancer - was it something we gave her to eat? Was it the baby formula, warmed in the microwave? Was it something in the water or the building materials of the house? The doctors told us right away, as soon as we were in the hospital, that it was not because of anything we did. It was a sort of "freak accident."

    I have still wondered, though. One time when I was musing aloud about it, Gregg said to me, with total dead-pan humor, "Yep, that's it; you killed her." As only a loving husband of many years could say to his understanding wife - he was trying to show me the absurdity of my worry, and it worked - he made me laugh at it! Not everyone would get this joke, but I did.
    Katie even asked something about it - as if she might have done something wrong in her life to deserve the cancer - and I told her emphatically, NO. God is not like that - God is Love! I told her, as the docs had told us, that her cells got sick. That is what the cancer was. I can live with that, but if there is something causing it that we don't know about, I'd like to know what it is. And I would like to find a cure, too!