Tribune Writings 3-9-12
Normally I write just before I go to bed but I was so tired last night and had such a headache that I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why I was tired. I guess emotions are more tiring than physical work.
Did a little work around the house in the morning. Still too much to do. We have so much stuff. I almost feel like a hoarder. Not really that bad but both of us don’t like to let go of things neither did Kathryn.
Richard came down from Bellingham Yeah! I love seeing him. The Bradley team went to lunch with a friend and just happen’s that we went to a tavern owned by one of Kathryn’s friends parents. She did a lot with this little girl up until they went to different high schools in 10th grade. It was good to see her Dad. He was a chaperone with me when the girls went to the East Coast in 8th grade. That was a very fun trip.
Speaking of pack rats. Richard needs to find a new place to live next year. He has a lot of stuff so needs at least a one bedroom. He has lots of man toys. It’s all good though. Keeps him out of trouble. Life is changing for him. His friends are moving, graduating, getting married and on and on. Losing Kathryn made changes for him too. He no longer has her for a roommate, friend or sister. In heart but not in reality.
I think I have the hardest time with change out of all of us. As a kid I lived in two houses. Once married I have lived in really two houses. This first one was only for two months until the renters moved out of the house we were moving into. So, I wouldn’t count that because I never really moved all the way in. It was too tiny. I have had stability in my family. Losing Kathryn has changed things and will constantly bring on change. Routines and rituals will all be different. Yep! Things are changing. It all really started last year 1-2-11 when Scott’s Mom passed away. Out trips to Hawaii will be different and probably less frequent. No more Grandma’s pool. Then my Dad passed away 5-5-11 and I knew that would bring on change too. We always celebrated Dad’s birthday 12-19 and no I don’t have a father for father’s day. No more songs sung by Dad or kisses giving by Dad. Then Kathryn passed away. No more sweet hugs and kisses good night. No more I love yous from our sweet little girl. No more dresses or costumes to sew. There are so many things that will be changed. Did I mention that I don’t like change? I will have to accecpt the change and live with it. I will. Remember I can do anything.
Kathryn has been here more in the last 2 days. I have smelt her sweet smell. She’s watching and I hope she will approve of the paint colors I will be using downstairs and in the hallway upstairs. I think she will. She always commented on how colorful the upstairs bedrooms and bathroom were and the downstairs was so boring. Sounds just like her doesn’t it. A nice green (not like the green in her room or Richard’s room) and maybe a nice blue. Much softer than in the rooms upstairs but at least it will be color. She would be so happy. I think I can get it all done in a week once I get started. The entry way ceiling will be the tough part.
I decided to check out the tribune site where people can post comments. Glad we finally checked it out. There were a few there. One person wrote how she didn’t know Kathryn but was drawn to her obituary and had to read it. Upon reading it she read about Camp Goodtimes. Her children go to Camp Goodtimes and so she asked them and they knew Kathryn (Panda). It’s amazing how we are all connected. We really are. I use to feel like I could hide in this world and people really didn’t know who I was or what I was all about but that isn’t true. Everywhere I go people know me and who I am. I hope to lay out a good feeling about me. So when people say my name good things follow.
We sold Richard’s car yesterday. Thank goodness! Just need to sell Kathryn’s car now. I thought hers would sell first but being a wagon it may not. It is a great little car and served her well. She always kept the back packed with a sleeping bag, rain boots and a few other life saving things. Be prepared! Girl Scouts taught her well. She also always carried a small first aid kit. She may have been little but her bag was big and full of everything. The Big Bag of Everything – those were our words.
I sure miss her. Thank goodness for waterproof mascara. I would be a mess without it.
Make it a good day. It is your day and every day is what you make it.