At a friends house tonight and he shared a slide show with us of Kathryn. The family had put it together and the song “If I Die Young” plays in the back ground. Kathryn is all around their house just like ours. He said he can’t look at anything in the house without thinking of Kathryn. I know what he means. The fireplace where she would sit. Kathryn hated being cold and loved to sit right by the fire. He would make a fire for her every time she came over. The chalkboard in the kitchen still displays her last drawing. The panda balloon that sits low in the living room. Her photo sits upon a table.
He said it is hard because on every special occasion he expects her to come through the door. Every time their son comes home from college he is expecting her to come over too.
I feel the same. It’s spring break and she should be home with us. We should be leaving to front door unlocked for when she comes home tonight. She should be walking into my bedroom tonight after visiting with her friends to say I’m home, I love you mom, good night and give me a kiss good night. Of course she would walk to the other side of the bed and do the same for her Dad. We should be sending her off to school on Sunday or Monday to start spring quarter. Scott would make sure her car has oil, wiper fluid and tires full of air.
We too go through the house seeing Kathryn everywhere. Scott turns on her Christmas tree every night. He visits her room every morning. I have a hard time going in her room. When I do I look at photos and sometimes just sit in her chair. Her photos are all around the house and so is her artwork. All wonderful memories that sometimes make me cry and sometimes make me smile. I look at the photos of her and Richard taken on the beach in August at camp. How could she go from that vibrant beautiful girl on the beach to death in just a few short months. Her cat Kyde reminds me of her calling him in each night and tricking him by having a toy for him to follow into the house. Princess her dog has out lived her. Not too long ago I was worried about Princess dying on Kathryn when she was first rediagnosed back in 2010.
I remember when I was going to the “Ride for Kids” in September 2011 what she said to me. Usually she goes with Scott and I and this time she told me to tell them that she was doing so well that she was up at college being a regular college kid. She said that would make them all smile and she was right. We were all so sure at that time that everything would be all right. She came home two weeks later with a funny walk and in one month she was given 3 to 6 months to live. It was so fast.
Our reality is that she will not walk through that door and she will not come in to our room to kiss us good night. It’s not just our family’s reality as I found tonight. It is the reality for many people. All we have now are those memories. As we are reminded of Kathryn I hope those memories start being more smiles than tears as time goes on for all of us. She was wonderful and her love is still spreading. Lets keep it going!
Good Night <3