Today started off kind of slow. Just getting tired because 5 hours of sleep just insn’t enough. I wake up at 4 or 5 and then get thoughts stuck in my head and songs. The songs are from Kathryn’s slide show. If I stay in bed the thoughts start to make me feel bad, sad and alone so I get up. My chest gets heavy too and my breathing gets hard. It is almost a panic attack but not that strong. I usually go lay on the couch down stairs and then I will get some rest.
I did get out to the local home improvement store and got some paint samples. The blue might be too bright but the green is perfect.
Scott and I went to Seattle to meet up with a bunch of people from Camp Goodtimes to make lannies. Kathryn was the lanny master. They are making the lannies with little panda charms on the ends to sell at the wine auction which raises money for Camp Goodtimes. Hopefully all the lannies will sell for a good price and raise a bunch of funds for camp. This was a great way to honor Kathryn. We had a good time.
When we came home I noticed that the light was on in Kathryn’s room. I pointed it out to Scott and asked if he had turned on the lights in Kathryn’s room and he said no. I asked Richard if he had been in her room and he said no. I don’t remember the lights being on when we left. I’m pretty sure I had checked all the lights on my way out and only the entryway light was on. They say spirits are electrical. Wow! And as I write about this I smell that sweet smell of Kathryn. I wish I could communicate with the dead like some people say they can. I have lots of questions for Kathryn that I would like to ask.
I also hung a shadow box the other day that Kathryn made me for mother’s day a few years ago. She wrote on the back of it how much she love and appreciated me. It felt good to read this. I had found a note that she had written to Scott and myself in 2009. Once again she told us what wonderful parents we were and how much she loved and appreciated us. It makes you feel good to read these things. I’m so glad I have come across them, read them and took them all to heart.
We love you Kathryn and appreciate all the love you gave us. You were the perfect daughter, sister and friend. You still are and will always be.