Getting there 3-4-12
I feel like I got a lot done today. Even though the house is still a mess I did get some organizing done. At least I feel better about it. I did have to take a break for a couple of hours. I actually felt sick to my stomach for a while. I did a little more work inside and then I went out to help Scott with some logs. It was good to work outside in the fresh air.
While organizing I found a letter I wrote to Kathryn back in April of 2007. I wrote it to her in case of my death. I wrote it to let her know how much I loved her and how proud of was of her. I wrote it to let her know how much I enjoyed spending time with her. I wrote for her to read not for me to read. I was supposed to die first not her.
I also found letters of recommendation for Kathryn. Of course I had to read all of them. Of course the tears flowed down my cheeks. Well, I was already crying from reading the letter I wrote. The letters were beautiful. Kathryn’s teachers and her doctor had so much respect for her. They praised her as a student and as a person. Again she made me so proud. I’ve always been proud of her and Richard but when I read these letters I don’t think I could have ever expected such wonderful things to be written about my daughter.
I also took down some of Christmas in her room. I left the tree up because Scott likes to turn it on at night for her spirit to enjoy it. I set three little angel bears by her ashes instead of putting them away. Putting part of Christmas away will allow room for her pictures that she has in frames. I organized a trunk and a box of special things. They will sit at the end of her bed where we can look through them at any time. I’m sure there will be days that I want to read or look at her work. I think I will make the upstairs hallway her art gallery.
Richard and Scott both think I should make just a Kathryn photo album. I will do this later because I have our regular albums to do first. I’m behind on this again. It will be the last time I put our albums together with pictures of Kathryn. It will be so odd to have photo albums without pictures of her in them. I will continue to make the albums as I always have. We still have a family to keep records of. We still have family things to do together.
Things are moving along. By the end of tomorrow I should be finished with her room and the living room and dining room. Yeah! My house will be looking somewhat normal by the end of the week. This is a good goal for me.
My friend from school came over today. She has been very helpful with many things and right now she is creating thank you cards for me. I’m so lucky to have her and all of the people who have helped in one way or another.
I will see the head doctor tomorrow. I made an early appointment so I would have to get up and get going since Scott will be working tomorrow. Maybe she can give me some coping skills. I don’t know how you cope with something like this. Losing your child is as bad as they say. I told Richard one day to be careful. I could not handle losing another child. I think I would die of a broken heart if I lost him too.
My Mom will be here at 11:00 am to do thank you cards with me and just to hang out. Hopefully the two of us will get a lot done.