It’s been a rough day as far a s emotions go. I just couldn’t get going this morning. By time I moved my butt off of the couch I think it was almost 11:00 and then I finally took a shower. And I got up at 5:30. I did get the downstairs of the house clean. Knowing we were having guests for dinner helped me get moving. I suppose I could have sat on the couch all day. I did sit in Kathryn’s room for a while too. Just looking around thinking about what we have done together or good times she had with her friends. Just sitting there in the quiet thinking about her. Still waiting for her to come home.
When our dinner guests came over we were looking at the back yard. I was asked about a post on the fence. It is longer than the rest and it looked like it was holding up the branch on the tree. I explained that it was extended to hook a volleyball net up to it. I told about the eye bolts in the wall of the house for the projector screen for out side movies. There was the fire pit too for our bond fires. It’s a great back yard and has so many memories of parties. Kathryn had a summer party every year. Kids running around. Kids using the slip and slide. Kids in and out of the hot tub. Kids roasting marsh mellows, making smores and sipping hot chocolate. Sleeping on the lawn on a tarp or in a tent. Oh so many good times. Even the neighbors will miss watching Kathryn and her friends enjoying the yard. I know I will miss them all here having fun.
Times are changing. I suppose they would have changed anyhow. But the changes would have been those that are more expected. Kids growing up and moving away. Kids getting married and having children. The way a normal life would progress. This change would be expected and accepted. Our change is not expected and right now I just can’t accept it either. Did I mention how much I hate change? I like my normal calm life with few changes. I just can’t accept that she is gone.
Well Scott and I are trying to make life good. We had our friends over tonight and it was wonderful. Tomorrow we will go to Seattle for the Panda project. Staying busy is good. Richard will be home tomorrow night and he will be staying with us until Thursday. I’m looking forward to spending more time with him. I love him so much! Just like when he was a little boy I loved him so much I didn’t think I could love another child the way I loved him. I did find more love inside of me for Kathryn. She was right that when you share your love you end of having more. It just works out that as you share it you produce more. She was so wise.
Spring forward tonight – Good night