The next day 2-26-12 and the following morning 2-27-12
I hadn’t written the blog because the computer I would normally use was being used to make CD’s and DVD’s of the service and slide show. This will all be so nice to have. We owe BIG thanks to Dash for all of his work on this. Our neighbor also video taped the whole thing so that we be wonderful to have too. If you never got a chance to fill out a blue paper form the table and still would like to write a memory or anything about Kathryn you can still do it. You could send it to me and I will get it in the book. We read through all of them yesterday and it was so nice to hear what people had to say. She truly loved everyone and they loved her back.
That last sentence really makes me think. Kathryn was always so happy. Because she loved with all of her heart. Because she was sincere and honest. Because she was kind. Because she found the good in people and made people feel good about themselves she was happy in return. Her happiness was generated from our happiness. The more she gave the more she received. There was a little song that we would sing when I was a little girl with words like this. Love is something if you give it away – it’s just like a shinny penny hold it tight and you won’t have any but spend it lend it and you’ll have so many they will roll all over the floor. So, if you give your love away you will have so much it will be spilling all over. This is how Kathryn lived and shy she was so happy. How can you not be happy when you are receiving love form so many people. It was evident that you all loved her very much.
I made out some thank you cards yesterday. It was challenging to write some of them. The tears poured out and ran down my face. I had some moments where I was really mad at God yesterday morning. I will probably continue to be mad at him. Any how I won’t dwell on that. I need to get busy and get my house back in order. I’m going to make a memory trunk of Kathryn’s things. Some of the things I just don’t know what to do with it all but it will come to me. I will just be patient. I also don’t know what to do with her room. For now it will stay Christmas. But later do I take it down and then next year do I decorate it for Christmas again? I just don’t know. Her ashes are sitting there in the middle of her dresser with the lei around them. We are having our friend make an urn and also going to spread some of her ashes at Camp Goodtimes.
We have received many generous donations for Camp Goodtimes. This is so fantastic. Our plan is to take all of the donations and some of her life insurance money and build a trust or foundation or whatever it is called to have a perpetual donation every year in her honor. This way she will live on. Panda will always be part of camp. Her spirit will always be there. We can do some other things too. I know she received scholarships from the pediatric brain tumor foundation. A thousand dollars a year. We could give back a thousand dollars a year to help another boy or girl like Kathryn. That would be two good places to invest in. Kathryn wanted to help kids with cancer and this would be helping in two different ways.
Today I will be helping Richard reorganize his school schedule. He had everything all figured out and then he had to put his life on hold for a bit. He had to reorganize a couple of times now. I know he would have it no other way. Kathryn was everything to him. She was so important to all of us. I still pray for God to give her back. I thought I would stop after the service but can’t. Everything makes me think of her. Everything I do, everything I see, every smell and sound. If I go somewhere it makes me think of her. While shopping for my dress I needed her to be there and she wasn’t. I still seems like a bad dream. It doesn’t seem real at all. In my heart I’m still feeling like she will be coming home.
It is a beautiful day and I shouldn’t be wasting it on sorrow. So I will suck it up and get on with the day.